How to get through each day?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Art0fLife, Jul 27, 2014.

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  1. Art0fLife

    Art0fLife New Member

    Hello everyone!

    I don’t really know where to begin. I’m not suicidal as of right now… I mean, I am not right on the edge or something. But I am starting to seriously consider it, and find my thoughts drifting that way more and more. I can’t pinpoint exactly what is causing it… I guess I am just tired. I feel empty in a lot of ways. I’m 30, nearly 31, and I can’t say I’ve accomplished anything. I scrape by, do the best I can, but it just all feels empty. Added to it, I have a serious condition in my neck, that makes every single day absolute misery to get through. From the moment I wake, I am in unbearable pain. I’ve been prescribed some pretty serious painkillers, but they barely take the edge off. There are procedures that can help, but I can’t afford to do any of them. They require more money than I could possibly pay, and require enough downtime that I just simply couldn’t afford it, no matter how one tries to work it. I know people are in worse shape, have bigger problems... But honestly I just am so tired of it. It's miserable to wake up each day. I know it's a manageable and treatable problem, but I just can't do what is necessary to fix it, and there's no guarantee it will work anyway. I've been trying to manage the pain with doctors as a result, but I have had to do that for so long the treatments don't have any effect any more at all, outside of abusing the medications. And that would be a very temporary solution at best.

    I can’t say I feel particularly depressed, though I guess I don’t know what that feels like. I have friends, several close friends, I am not a lonely shut in or something, I have a social life and enjoy it. I just find myself thoroughly tired, and can’t see the point. Every day is just a door to the next, the next always bringing more physical agony, less mobility, more stress, bills related to my neck/spine that I can’t afford, just more problems than life feels like it’s worth. There used to be really good days, I’d wake and have little to no pain, or it was manageable at least. But more and more that’s not the case. I am just so tired. I can’t see the point of doing this for another 30 or whatever amount of years I might have left. It's already to the point I basically just exist, not LIVE anymore. I can't imagine what it would be like at say, 40 or 50 at the rate my neck/spine has been deteriorating. Like I said, I am not lonely or “depressed” that I am aware of, I am just exhausted. I have fun with friends, I am happy as far as my social life goes, I just feel tired, like I am done. Every day is the same, except slightly worse, and not really any chance for it to get better.

    Where do you look for motivation to keep pushing through things like this? I guess it says something that I am aware enough of where my mind is going and am reaching out about it, but I just don’t know.
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi and welcome, I am also suffering with pain but they can't find the problem as of yet, the closest they have come was finding low cortril and testing me for addisons disease which came back negative so now I'm getting a CT scan and so on.... So I can somewhat get where you're coming from, it's not a nice feeling at all. Yes, life is repetitive but it is great that you have close friends, do you think you could talk to them about how low you feel? Maybe plan a trip somewhere do something fun, something to look forward to? :hug:
  3. Moat

    Moat Banned Member

    For me, I get depressed and suicidal, it seems on almost a daily basis, but the fact that I am still around is all due to not worrying about anything (even if I have large worries) and just live one second each time.
  4. sudut

    sudut Well-Known Member

    please try to change your thoughts once you catch yourself thinking this way. talk to people, etc.
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