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How to go from here...? (Stuck).

Tana

Well-Known Member
#1
----can skip
So, thanks to @Fleurise and @Rookie01 , I've finally decided to type this down, so I might get some ideas...Thing is, my life's not gonna get any better on it's own, so i'll just keep feeling worse, and eventually lose the last shred of hope if I don't do *something*.

I was working on a small android game (a few actually), and writing what I thought would be a good novel..but the thing with this is, I just either, get a *better* idea and do something else, think I could do it better and start all over again, or just plain loss motivation or will to continue (always do eventually...)..so...yeah, i'm, fucked as far as doing something on your own, with your own terms goes....I thought i might have ADHD because of it, and asked my psych about it so i could get medicated for it (if it's the case) and kind of even hoped i had it, since that would (in my head) mean, there's hope with medication for me to do something of my life, on my own...but she said she doesn't think that's my problem, so it went down the drain... :(

And I'm rambling instead of jumping into it...
---to here.

Before giving advice, you should be aware that I still have social phobia to a point, and would rather not throw myself in some huge "fire"...
I'll type down the things "normal" people have, that I want but don't have....then I'll type all the things holding me back, and also some ideas I had on my own on "where to go from here"....To be clear of what I need from you, I need advice on where to start, to get my life back on track. Thank you;

What I want:
(More than anything, priority wise.
1. My own place. Independence. (1st)
2. A significant other.
3. If I have a job (which..everyone has to...) I have to enjoy it to a point, and hopefully not feel worthless in it...

What's holding me back:
On point 1: Not having a good income, my mom taking the income I do get from welfare or what it's called (no convincing her, don't advice that).
2. I don't go out much, I'm gay so i'd be near impossible to find irl, my life/state is so bad I wouldn't date me and I'm pretty sure no one at least a bit sane would (no girl anyway), plus, not getting any younger, so it's just gonna get worse on this point...
3. I can't finish anything on my own because i'm depressed, lazy, "perfectionist", scatterbrained. I don't want to/can't have a job at a normal factory or whatever else I could do with this pathetic/shameful education I have thanks to past heavy social phobia,...I "could" finish high school at an adult university, but a). no job you can get with hs interests me much either b). i still sort of have the issue i wrote... c). who would hire me now...? with or without it...? Is it pointless to even think about this point?

Ideas:
*Finishing high school, so I could at least do something somewhat "decent"... but ^.
*Asking for medication again, that would help with productiveness somehow? (or anything else i can do?) Ideally, I really want to just do my own thing, at home, and get kind of paid for it, I really, really hope there's a way to fix my problem with it. By the way, I also do digital art, am not that great yet, but could make cash with that too in time (in stand-alone)...If i tried....
*Join a charity...I have no idea what benefits are here for me, definitely no psychical ones, but I think It might surround me with good people (which might better my mental state), and i might feel i'm doing something worthwhile for once...I don't know...what do you think? But...also, I'm ashamed to ask to join it lol, and afraid i'll fuck something up...

...I just see obstacles everywhere...hope you guys could see solutions.

PS: Sorry, I know this was long, and "all over the place", but thank you so much if you read anyway, and have ideas.
 

Kiwi2016

🦩 Now a flamingo, not a kiwi 🦩
Forum Pro
#2
I just wanted to say that reading your post reminded me so much of myself. I really liked your approach of verbalizing your priorities, coming up with strategies to reach them and acknowledging your concerns...reminded me of a TED talk that talked about fear setting rather than goal setting listened to recently...here's the link which I thought would share

https://www.ted.com/talks/tim_ferri...share&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=tedspread

Sending you hugs and positive thoughts as believe you can reach your priorities and overcome the obstacles that you see...as you clearly have an inner strength so hold tightly onto that....
 

Tana

Well-Known Member
#3
I just wanted to say that reading your post reminded me so much of myself. I really liked your approach of verbalizing your priorities, coming up with strategies to reach them and acknowledging your concerns...reminded me of a TED talk that talked about fear setting rather than goal setting listened to recently...here's the link which I thought would share

https://www.ted.com/talks/tim_ferri...share&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=tedspread

Sending you hugs and positive thoughts as believe you can reach your priorities and overcome the obstacles that you see...as you clearly have an inner strength so hold tightly onto that....
I'll check it out now, thanks... *hug
 

Tana

Well-Known Member
#5
I just wanted to say that reading your post reminded me so much of myself. I really liked your approach of verbalizing your priorities, coming up with strategies to reach them and acknowledging your concerns...reminded me of a TED talk that talked about fear setting rather than goal setting listened to recently...here's the link which I thought would share

https://www.ted.com/talks/tim_ferri...share&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=tedspread

Sending you hugs and positive thoughts as believe you can reach your priorities and overcome the obstacles that you see...as you clearly have an inner strength so hold tightly onto that....
That sounds like a good idea...I'll do it on my own, and try to figure it out, later...
Also, I've studied stoicism before. It's a very interesting philosophy, and I also think we can borrow some parts of it, even today, for a better/healthier life.

Thanks again.
 
#7
hi, I wonder if you could do your priorities in a different order [sounds stupid when you have prioritised I know] but if you want to work from home ideally, and you sound like you are creative because you are thinking of this already-why don't you try to do that first even on a part time basis- I started selling random bits on ebay and it works even when im feeling bad as I don't have to have interaction with anyone, so maybe you could do something like that? I now i sell books at a market and if im having a real social anxiety attack I don't go -then you can save a bit to go towards rent? medication cant hurt if you feel like you need it. I think you need to be kind to yourself. sorry if I sound chaotic and it didn't help you.....just recognise myself in you and this is what has [sort of] worked for me. sending you hugs *hug10xx
 

Tana

Well-Known Member
#8
hi, I wonder if you could do your priorities in a different order [sounds stupid when you have prioritised I know] but if you want to work from home ideally, and you sound like you are creative because you are thinking of this already-why don't you try to do that first even on a part time basis- I started selling random bits on ebay and it works even when im feeling bad as I don't have to have interaction with anyone, so maybe you could do something like that? I now i sell books at a market and if im having a real social anxiety attack I don't go -then you can save a bit to go towards rent? medication cant hurt if you feel like you need it. I think you need to be kind to yourself. sorry if I sound chaotic and it didn't help you.....just recognise myself in you and this is what has [sort of] worked for me. sending you hugs*hug10xx
Hey..it's okay, I appreciate the response... *hug

....I did try working from home a lot (for years...), as I mentioned it...but I never got to finish anything, let alone sell it... :( Wish I could. But as I said, there are certain things preventing me from finishing any my projects...either I get a (what i think is a) better idea and *jump elsewhere*, think I could do better so I start it all from scratch, but always, loss wy will along the way...can take hours/days...but eventually, I'll give up on it..maybe come back later but...then it's "old" ...

Hope this is clear...
What did/do you sell? Do you write those books/novels?
I've always wanted to be a writer (since I was a kid) but never finished anything... :(
 
#9
Hey..it's okay, I appreciate the response... *hug

....I did try working from home a lot (for years...), as I mentioned it...but I never got to finish anything, let alone sell it... :( Wish I could. But as I said, there are certain things preventing me from finishing any my projects...either I get a (what i think is a) better idea and *jump elsewhere*, think I could do better so I start it all from scratch, but always, loss wy will along the way...can take hours/days...but eventually, I'll give up on it..maybe come back later but...then it's "old" ...

Hope this is clear...
What did/do you sell? Do you write those books/novels?
I've always wanted to be a writer (since I was a kid) but never finished anything... :(

no I don't write the books I just sell them. mainly spiritual / self caring but tbh il sell anything. i understand what you mean about not finishing things-i have started to write novels but never finished them and I have got so many half finished sewing projects etc. i def know where you are coming from with not being able to complete anything. if you like writing there is the fan fiction website where you can write 1 sentence or a whole book, anytime that suits you, [just an idea.] xx
 

Tana

Well-Known Member
#10
no I don't write the books I just sell them. mainly spiritual / self caring but tbh il sell anything. i understand what you mean about not finishing things-i have started to write novels but never finished them and I have got so many half finished sewing projects etc. i def know where you are coming from with not being able to complete anything. if you like writing there is the fan fiction website where you can write 1 sentence or a whole book, anytime that suits you, [just an idea.] xx
I was typing fan fictions but don't care for it now...It's not like I can get paid for it anyway, it was just at the time when it was more *for fun*...
...I'm sorry, I'm not sure I understand...you sell stuff you already have...? Well, that's great but, I have nothing so... I guess that's not for me...could maybe buy and sell but, eh...doesn't seem worth my time, and still boring...besides other stuff. xD
 
#11
There may be vocational assistance for people with disabilities where you are. They can give you help finding a job that's a good match, and also give you some free training. Sometimes it's called "vocational rehabilitation", but it goes by other names depending on the place.

If the welfare you're getting isn't a disability benefit, you may want to apply. I think you can still do some work if you are getting disability benefits.
 

Tana

Well-Known Member
#12
There may be vocational assistance for people with disabilities where you are. They can give you help finding a job that's a good match, and also give you some free training. Sometimes it's called "vocational rehabilitation", but it goes by other names depending on the place.

If the welfare you're getting isn't a disability benefit, you may want to apply. I think you can still do some work if you are getting disability benefits.
Right... :/

I was in that rehabilitation program but dropped out...also, I don't want any job I can get...
And I'm not f* disabled...thanks a lot, lol...
 
#15
I don't want any job I can get...
I think you are not required to take jobs that are available through voc rehab.
And I'm not f* disabled
Conditions like depression and social anxiety are qualifying disabilities
You weren't even paying attention to what I said
What part did I miss?
and just plain insulted me
I'm disabled. Do think saying someone is disabled is an insult?
 

Champagne

✯✯ Heart of an angel ✯✯
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#16
If you think you have ADHD you obviously have strong reason to believe that, my advice would be to not let them fob you off, you are an intelligent person. Make an appointment JUST for the reasoning of questioning the ADHD and hopefully you will be listened to respectfully and they will follow up and try get you a diagnosis or non diagnosis. *hug
 

Tana

Well-Known Member
#17
Meh..this was pretty pointless to make, but thanks to those who tried to help anyway... :/ <3

Don't need more replies, I get the idea.
 

Champagne

✯✯ Heart of an angel ✯✯
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#18
I'm disabled too. Saying that is NOT an insult. If you have an issue, there's plenty of admin and staff here.
 

Nick

☆☆Still Ducking Fantastic ☆☆
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#20
Okay, I've read everything here. I sort of have a different perspective here I guess. The focus issue seems to be holding you back a lot. Keeping you from finishing things. I'm horrible with focus. I start a million things and finish very few of them. Half finished projects and ideas. I can completely relate to that. So ...
I'd start with trying to get help/medication to deal with the focus issue and maybe even depression (if you aren't already). Even finishing your HS degree won't be as beneficial if you can't focus on anything once you've finished it.
Once you've gotten yourself more focused finish up your HS schooling. Get it done now, and you've got it there for the future. I went back to school older than you are, and it was worth it in the end.
Then you can figure out what you want to do. What project interests you. What job you can do. Work from home or a job outside the home. Whatever it is you decide you want to do. Save up the money you need to move out.
There is priority #1. Once you're more independent and making income, feeling better about yourself than working towards priority #2 will be easier.
Sorry, that was a bit scattered but hopefully it made sense.
 

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