----can skip
So, thanks to @Fleurise and @Rookie01 , I've finally decided to type this down, so I might get some ideas...Thing is, my life's not gonna get any better on it's own, so i'll just keep feeling worse, and eventually lose the last shred of hope if I don't do *something*.
I was working on a small android game (a few actually), and writing what I thought would be a good novel..but the thing with this is, I just either, get a *better* idea and do something else, think I could do it better and start all over again, or just plain loss motivation or will to continue (always do eventually...)..so...yeah, i'm, fucked as far as doing something on your own, with your own terms goes....I thought i might have ADHD because of it, and asked my psych about it so i could get medicated for it (if it's the case) and kind of even hoped i had it, since that would (in my head) mean, there's hope with medication for me to do something of my life, on my own...but she said she doesn't think that's my problem, so it went down the drain...
And I'm rambling instead of jumping into it...
---to here.
Before giving advice, you should be aware that I still have social phobia to a point, and would rather not throw myself in some huge "fire"...
I'll type down the things "normal" people have, that I want but don't have....then I'll type all the things holding me back, and also some ideas I had on my own on "where to go from here"....To be clear of what I need from you, I need advice on where to start, to get my life back on track. Thank you;
What I want:
(More than anything, priority wise.
1. My own place. Independence. (1st)
2. A significant other.
3. If I have a job (which..everyone has to...) I have to enjoy it to a point, and hopefully not feel worthless in it...
What's holding me back:
On point 1: Not having a good income, my mom taking the income I do get from welfare or what it's called (no convincing her, don't advice that).
2. I don't go out much, I'm gay so i'd be near impossible to find irl, my life/state is so bad I wouldn't date me and I'm pretty sure no one at least a bit sane would (no girl anyway), plus, not getting any younger, so it's just gonna get worse on this point...
3. I can't finish anything on my own because i'm depressed, lazy, "perfectionist", scatterbrained. I don't want to/can't have a job at a normal factory or whatever else I could do with this pathetic/shameful education I have thanks to past heavy social phobia,...I "could" finish high school at an adult university, but a). no job you can get with hs interests me much either b). i still sort of have the issue i wrote... c). who would hire me now...? with or without it...? Is it pointless to even think about this point?
Ideas:
*Finishing high school, so I could at least do something somewhat "decent"... but ^.
*Asking for medication again, that would help with productiveness somehow? (or anything else i can do?) Ideally, I really want to just do my own thing, at home, and get kind of paid for it, I really, really hope there's a way to fix my problem with it. By the way, I also do digital art, am not that great yet, but could make cash with that too in time (in stand-alone)...If i tried....
*Join a charity...I have no idea what benefits are here for me, definitely no psychical ones, but I think It might surround me with good people (which might better my mental state), and i might feel i'm doing something worthwhile for once...I don't know...what do you think? But...also, I'm ashamed to ask to join it lol, and afraid i'll fuck something up...
...I just see obstacles everywhere...hope you guys could see solutions.
PS: Sorry, I know this was long, and "all over the place", but thank you so much if you read anyway, and have ideas.
So, thanks to @Fleurise and @Rookie01 , I've finally decided to type this down, so I might get some ideas...Thing is, my life's not gonna get any better on it's own, so i'll just keep feeling worse, and eventually lose the last shred of hope if I don't do *something*.
I was working on a small android game (a few actually), and writing what I thought would be a good novel..but the thing with this is, I just either, get a *better* idea and do something else, think I could do it better and start all over again, or just plain loss motivation or will to continue (always do eventually...)..so...yeah, i'm, fucked as far as doing something on your own, with your own terms goes....I thought i might have ADHD because of it, and asked my psych about it so i could get medicated for it (if it's the case) and kind of even hoped i had it, since that would (in my head) mean, there's hope with medication for me to do something of my life, on my own...but she said she doesn't think that's my problem, so it went down the drain...
And I'm rambling instead of jumping into it...
---to here.
Before giving advice, you should be aware that I still have social phobia to a point, and would rather not throw myself in some huge "fire"...
I'll type down the things "normal" people have, that I want but don't have....then I'll type all the things holding me back, and also some ideas I had on my own on "where to go from here"....To be clear of what I need from you, I need advice on where to start, to get my life back on track. Thank you;
What I want:
(More than anything, priority wise.
1. My own place. Independence. (1st)
2. A significant other.
3. If I have a job (which..everyone has to...) I have to enjoy it to a point, and hopefully not feel worthless in it...
What's holding me back:
On point 1: Not having a good income, my mom taking the income I do get from welfare or what it's called (no convincing her, don't advice that).
2. I don't go out much, I'm gay so i'd be near impossible to find irl, my life/state is so bad I wouldn't date me and I'm pretty sure no one at least a bit sane would (no girl anyway), plus, not getting any younger, so it's just gonna get worse on this point...
3. I can't finish anything on my own because i'm depressed, lazy, "perfectionist", scatterbrained. I don't want to/can't have a job at a normal factory or whatever else I could do with this pathetic/shameful education I have thanks to past heavy social phobia,...I "could" finish high school at an adult university, but a). no job you can get with hs interests me much either b). i still sort of have the issue i wrote... c). who would hire me now...? with or without it...? Is it pointless to even think about this point?
Ideas:
*Finishing high school, so I could at least do something somewhat "decent"... but ^.
*Asking for medication again, that would help with productiveness somehow? (or anything else i can do?) Ideally, I really want to just do my own thing, at home, and get kind of paid for it, I really, really hope there's a way to fix my problem with it. By the way, I also do digital art, am not that great yet, but could make cash with that too in time (in stand-alone)...If i tried....
*Join a charity...I have no idea what benefits are here for me, definitely no psychical ones, but I think It might surround me with good people (which might better my mental state), and i might feel i'm doing something worthwhile for once...I don't know...what do you think? But...also, I'm ashamed to ask to join it lol, and afraid i'll fuck something up...
...I just see obstacles everywhere...hope you guys could see solutions.
PS: Sorry, I know this was long, and "all over the place", but thank you so much if you read anyway, and have ideas.
xx
