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how to handle his attempted suicide...

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by traurig, Jan 5, 2010.

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  1. traurig

    traurig New Member

    Hi. I'm new here... I made this post earlier in the welcome forum

    gives a bit of info so I don't have to repeat too much here. My fiance attempted suicide yesterday. Right now he is in the hospital probably in surgery. I was with him all morning and most of the afternoon. Then his parents were with him for a while.

    I really don't know how to handle this. I love him... we were supposed to get married, we have a baby on the way. I have 2 children of my own (10 and 12). I can't have someone in the house who is mentally unstable, especially once the baby is born. I would never think he would harm the baby, but then I never thought he would try to kill himself either. He doesn't seem too keen on the idea of therapy and meds. I think due to a bad experience he had when he was 19 (we are both 30 now). I'm telling him that unless he gets continued help I will not be comfortable with him with the baby. I love him, but the baby is my top concern. I've only just begun my second trimester, so that leaves him some time to rehabilitate or whatever you call it.

    But I'm being kind of a jerk to him. I mean I go there and I sit with him and I'll do anything for him... but at the same time I'm not being very compassionate towards him. Yes I am mad. And I've let him know. But I also let him know that I don't give up on things that are important to me (even though he might). I am here for him, but there is not much I can do. He is the one that is going to have to do all the work. And if he is not willing to do that then there is nothing I can do. I can't force him to care.

    I don't know what the best way to go about handling this would be. I feel lost and no one in the hospital seems to know what the heck is going on. He hasn't been evaluated by a psychiatrist yet. I don't even know how long he is going to be there, or what the course of action will be for treatment... and I mean ongoing treatment.

    I just don't know whats going to happen. I don't know if there is any hope for him or our family. I guess there's always hope right. But I can't do this alone. I'm trying to find some sort of support group or something. You know like ALANON but suicide style. I'm not having much luck. I considered calling my local suicide hotline to see if they can point me in some direction. But I don't feel right tying up one of their lines just for some questions.

    I suppose eventually there will be someone at the hospital who will be able to talk to me and answer some of these questions. But I have no idea when that will be and in the meantime I'm loosing my mind here.

    So I don't know. That's kind of a lot I just wrote, but if anyone has any suggestions they would be much appreciated.

  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Let the hospital know you need help here get them to get your husband into a support group into therapy. You cannot do this alone it is too much to take on. Donot let hospital send him home without support systems in place, He needs to stay at hospital until he is stabilized on medication for depression Therapy to talk about whats happening. You have you to look after in all this your children especially. I hope he gets the support he needs in hospital and afterwards so you do not have to take t his on alone. Councilling for the two of you together may be of help as well. take care
  3. Mikeintx

    Mikeintx Well-Known Member

    For the sake of the kids leave him.
  4. traurig

    traurig New Member

    Thats a pretty crappy attitude to have.
  5. dreaminghome

    dreaminghome Well-Known Member

    Fron one wiewpoint it is. But from your kids viewpoint it isn't so crappy.
  6. Hazel

    Hazel SF & Antiquitie's Friend Staff Alumni

    I think it's a bit hasty to say "leave him". Down the line that may be a decision you have to make but right now the important thing is to find out why he he felt he had to do this, what is going on in his mind.
    You are right he needs a psych evaluation and therapy to help him through this.
    You of course also have to think of yourself and your children, has he ever been violent to wards any of you, do you have any reason to think that he might be?
    Right now, you are in shock and confused by what has happened, it's good that you have come here and can talk to us. It's perfectly understandable that you are angry but try and talk to him, see if he will open to you.
    And keep talking to us and hopefully get support during this very difficult time.

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