This question follows me all my life, in one form or another. A discussion with a friend of mine here got me thinking - Will I ever have it, in this life? So many questions in my mind and I feel I can't achieve the peaceful mind because I can't seem to find the answer. Just when I think I got it, another question pops up. Being a skeptic the question from a zen master Hakuin "Is that really so?" summarises it all for me, only I realize that if used excessively it could miss the point, I seem to ask that myself about everything and all the time. Why do I need to get the answer in order to have a peaceful mind? I suppose because when the train of thoughts and questions start its journey I know where it will end. And I don't like where it brings me, not so much because of me, I'd get off that station right away but there are others who are still my responsability and I can't leave them yet. I feel the answer would stop the train before that final station and thus stop me from getting off. There are other ways as well to achieve that peaceful mind, or so they tell me, beacuse chemistry just doesn't seem to work for me, never being my favourite anyway. Natural chemistry, well that's much better, but I really can't be drunk all the time, wouldn't look very nice at work or kids' PTA meetings. Awareness and focusing on the present moment, now there's something interesting, I tought when I first read about it, still do. Meditation too. Very nice but takes years of pratice, and I don't mind that, but those moments when I don't practice it or forget about it, the train starts again, and I haven't reached that point when awareness becomes an integral part of my everyday life, of me. Laughter, I especially like this way of calming the mind lately, but sometimes I feel I overdo it, become either cynical or silly, maybe it shouldn't bother me beacuse I don't have a problem with it myself, it's more that old question - OMG, what will the people think of me now? People around me are just not used to see me like that, never been talkative or jokeative. >Identifying what hidden assumptions you're clinging to is actually the hardest part of whole process.< Hopefully after 20 years or so of meditation I'll identify them. Yes, I'm cyinical, but there's even a worse one : "After a year of therapy my doctor said to me - Maybe life isn't for everyone." Who knows, is that really so?