How TO Help Someone To Cope With Two Witnessed Suicides

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Samara, Jul 22, 2012.

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  1. Samara

    Samara Account Closed

    A little over a year ago, I attempted to take my life, but my only friend at the time, got caught in those cross hairs. They ended up convincing me to go to a hospital, and thus, I am alive today.

    This incident traumatized my friend, to an extent that they still fee guilty and at fault to this day. They struggle with hearing about death, and they struggle to deal with negative emotions that are passed off from their surroundings. They feel afraid and hurt whenever somebody around them mentions feeling uneasy about life, or whenever someone around them talks about how they are having a hard time; because this friend fears having to go through another suicide attempt.

    They believe that suicide is absolutely, the worst thing a person can do to themselves, and those around them. They believe that it carves an intense path of destruction, that hurts all involved.

    It does not help, that I, even after surviving the attempt, and even with the support of this wonderful friend being there for me, was mentally unstable after the fact (still am to an intense extent); and often rubbed this in their face. Or often chose the wrong things to say. Or was angry that I even survived, or was still angry about life itself. This anger was passed onto my friend, through me, and only further cemented their feeling of guilt/responsibility for my own personal choice a year and a half ago.

    My friend took my event as though I had actually passed, they pretty much treat it as heavy, and it's a kind of loss for them, in a way.

    Keeping this in mind, today, while I was speaking to this person on a phone call, we started talking about young people who are committing murders these days; it's all over the news. People who are my age, and my friends age, sometimes a bit older, sometimes younger... and what might bring a person to get those kinds of ideas in their head, to physically harm a lot of others.

    Well right as we were having this conversation, someone committed suicide right outside my friends building, right next to their vehicles... they could see this person from the window. Well my friend went outside to check it out, and ended up spending about an hour wrapped up directly in that commotion. When my friend returned, they said that the family had begun wailing over the body, and made such noises that my friend really had never heard before.

    My friend did look at the face of this person who committed suicide. It was a young woman, a mother.

    I am not sure now, how to comfort my friend. It has come directly outside his doorstep now, and all he wants is to avoid it, or get past it. When I asked a family member, they really had no help for me, in terms of offering me anything to say to my friend now, to help comfort them.

    It doesn't help that I am also a major fault in this entire story, and I am the one triggering what is about to be more intense days for my friend, now with a real body showing up right outside their doorstep.

    I want to know what you would do in this situation? What could a person say now, to my friend, who is going through so much? How can I be there for them? How can I comfort them? How can I help them get past this and move on?

    I still have not been able to comfort my friend about the incident that involved us two.... a year and a half ago. I still have not been able to help my friend out of that slump.

    This person is very soft on the inside, and very genuine. They are such a sweetheart; if that helps anyone get an idea of maybe what this kind of person would need to hear. My friend often tells me that they just need me to promise I won't ever think like that, or act upon such thoughts ever again... but I know that's not enough comfort either.

    In any case, for those who have gone through dealing with a suicidal friend, or have witnessed a suicide in real life, or have lost someone they loved because of this; I need to know what you needed in those moments, or what helped you get by, or how you have come to cope in such a circumstance.

    I appreciate the time that anyone takes to read this and respond to it. Thankyou.
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Thankfully, I've never witnessed a suicide. Someone that I was friends with did find the body of his mother. I do realize these situations are nothing alike, but one thing I would suggest for your friend is therapy. He may need the help of a professional to learn how to deal with or process those thoughts. Personally, if it was me in his situation, I know for a fact I'd need counseling.
  3. Samara

    Samara Account Closed

    One of the problems I have had with this friend, is that they are not willing to get counselling. They have refused any sort of professional help in that area; with the exception of going to a few sessions a year and a half ago, and never listening to what that professional recommended, and finally quitting.

    My friend will tell me that only THEY can fix themselves... but it gets complicated, because on another level, they sort of come to me for comfort too. But, I am unable to convince this person to get professional help.
  4. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    At that point, there's only so much you can do. Your friend obviously doesn't understand that not everyone can fix themselves, and a counselor could help him to possibly find coping techniques that could make things easier. But that's a realization they have to come to for themselves, unfortunately.
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