how to help suicidal mom when I'm already suicidal?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Lulupop911, Oct 11, 2016.

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  1. Lulupop911

    Lulupop911 New Member

    Two years ago, my mom left the house and it was just me and my dad and she found some new guy that she dated and lived with for two years. Now he moved everything out and moved to Mexico (cheesy I know) and my mom already had depression but it just keeps getting worse and worse.. she just got a new roommate to pay for rent but he smokes and now my mom is smoking out of desperation. She constantly yells at me and crys every time I see her. Multiple times me and my dad have stayed over at her place because we were scared of her losing it and ending it.

    Now I don't know what to do but I don't want to keep seeing my mom fall apart like this. I feel like she's just falling out of my hands like sand. I honestly can't even be myself around her because I'm scared of accidentally making a joke and her either yelling at me or having a mental breakdown. So in the end this is taking a mental toll on me as well. Does anyone have any suggestions on what the hell im suppose to do to make my mom happy?
  2. Brittless

    Brittless Well-Known Member

    Hey Lulu,

    Welcome to SF. I think it's important to emphasize that the things you do don't make your mom unhappy. As a suicidal person, I know that even though my loved ones love me, I get very irritated by them because of my moods and depression and other like things I experience. It isn't their fault. Sometimes the best thing we can do for our loved ones is probably things that would anger them. Like suggesting they get help. I'm sorry this is on your shoulders. I also have a mom who has depression and it feels sometimes like I have to parent her, while I am dealing with an array of problems too.

    That you are looking for help for your mom is very heartwarming and inspiring to see. Unfortunately she has to choose to get help herself but if she is depressed and suicidal but she needs to seek therapy or counselling. If you want to, you can sit down with her and tell her your current makes me feel this way. I love you. I care about you and I want to see you get better. And implore her to seek professional help if she hasn't already.

    This isn't a fix all but it is at least a positive step forward.

    I see that you are also suicidal. I am so sorry you carry that weight. If you ever need to talk about it, SF is a good community to let it all out so to speak.
  3. Brittless

    Brittless Well-Known Member

    I would also say if you can, it would be a good idea for you to seek counselling or therapy too. I just realized I made a bunch of typos in my post. Sorry about that, I am exhausted tonight. I meant it might be a good idea to tell your mom that her current state* makes you feel this way. and then subtract a but from somewhere in there.
  4. Lulupop911

    Lulupop911 New Member

    Yes she has gone into treatment for depression and drinking (forgot to mention that's also a problem she has) and after she came home she was doing pretty well.. but after a few months she just went back to bad habits and the cycle started over again. I have tried to encourage her to get a physiatrist multiple times, and she always says she will while never pulling through.

    I have also tried to hide lighters and cigarettes and just try to be there for her as much as I can. But as much as I do to try to help her it seems that there's always something that I miss and makes her even more sad.

    And just for context my mom having depression is not something new to my life. All my life my mom has been bedridden because of her depression but it's just recently that it has been a issue of her being suicidal.
  5. Lulupop911

    Lulupop911 New Member

    Haha don't worry I'm very tired too. And yes I do see a counsellor.
  6. Brittless

    Brittless Well-Known Member

    I see. I am sorry she has returned to these bad habits. With my mom, I have to keep forcing something in her face in order for her to do it. It's like she doesn't have the motivation. I realize our moms are different though they deal with similar things. I find that usually what helps is just to take a step back, let her get her emotions out, listen and respond and make her feel significant.

    It seems to me you already do that. You can keep letting her know you love her daily, you want to see her get better. Have you talked to your dad about any of this? How you are feeling and what you guys think would help your mom. Another suggestion I have is if you know any of her interests, likes, hobbies other than her bad habits, try to get her to do those with you. When you are suicidal and have too much time to stew about it, it detracts from wanting to live life or even knowing what life is about.

    You can't pick up the pieces for her or suddenly cure her sadness sprung from her own issues. She needs to get professional help. You cannot do it all for her. Blaming yourself is fruitless and also not true. You do what you can. It is not your fault. It is not you missing something or making her more sad.
  7. zuzuspetals

    zuzuspetals Member

    Hello Lulu, Brittless is imparting some great insights. I read her stuff twice, it's so good. She's correct about your Mom - she's got to want to be helped, and your very existence and loving her should be enough. You aren't responsible for her condition. You sound desperate to be in control, yet circumstances are such that you can't be. I don't know if you're a believer, so pardon me for my sharing, but here's what I know due to experience similar to yours: <mod edit - religious preaching>I'll pray that you experience the peace and the amazing love (and the changed life) that I have experienced. PM me if you'd like to know more about my story and how it changed.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 11, 2016
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