So I have BPD among other things. If you don't know much about the disorder, fear of abandonment and being clingy are part of it. I try my hardest not to let these things sabotage my relationships with people, but it usually ends up happening. I'm afraid of losing people, and if I don't hear from them at all, I think something bad happened to them, or they are sick of me. It's not a baseless feeling, because I have been ghosted many times and many people I know have died. So I don't think the feeling is completely unreasonable, but I realize it may be irrational, so I tamp it down. When people let me know they will be busy, I feel more assured and don't get scared. Anytime someone thinks I'm good, I can't see it. I can't help but think of the times people seemed to care, then I was deemed crazy, clingy, annoying, too much to deal with, etc. And even if I don't show these traits, I think everyone will get sick of me somehow. If I send more than one message checking up on someone every few days, I just think maybe they'll be like "Oh this chick is psycho, need to drop her now". So I vacillate between no contact and maybe too much contact. Lately though, I've been quiet because I'm deathly afraid to lose more people by just caring too much. If they aren't sick of it now, I think they will be at some point, and I feel bad for them for having to deal with my damaged ass. No matter how bad I'm feeling, I don't want to open up, because I don't want to dump my issues on them. Especially if they have more than enough of their own. It's hard to see myself as good in any aspect when I have just been seen as "bad" for a large majority of my life. I try to see things differently, but when you've been conditioned to see yourself in a certain way, it's hard to redirect those feelings.