How to love yourself, when you know you're ugly??

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by saeyoon Chung, Jun 30, 2008.

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  1. saeyoon Chung

    saeyoon Chung Well-Known Member

    I've been pondering on this for years..(I'm 23 now..)
    I'm one of those sophisticated idiots who think way too much..

    In North America, you know everyone says "stand up for yourself",
    "DO you" "be yourself", "don't try to be someone you're not" "love yourself for who you are"... etc.

    But.. how can you follow any of this, when you hate yourself and wish you were somebody else? right?(seriously I sound like an immature 11-year-old... I dunno..)

    Loving myself(this body I live in) is really hard when I'm this ugly, nerdy-looking skinny(no muscle) guy.
    I can't find much 'value'(for a lack of a better word) in my life. Sometimes I just look at myself as an oxygen pirate.. someone no good for anybody.

    I'm just not "physically beautiful/attractive" and it annoys me like hell.

    I feel like I have to "make up" for my lack of 'beauty'(skinny,short,nerd)

    like... my life 'cannot stand' on its own.. I can't seem to "live life."(if you know what I mean..)

    like.. I HAVE to be someone like a physician to "PROVE my worth."
    Ridiculous I know.. but I can't help it.

    This self-esteem issue(looks) has been plaguing me almost my entire life.(Although I try not to let it show) Maybe I'm too self-conscious.. but there's nothing I can do about it.

    It comes back to haunt me just when I thought I got over it.(duh, it's my face&body my soul lives in.. eventually I'll remind myself when I look in the mirror)

    If I say this makes me suicidal, that would be 'lying' but.. the stress can be unbearable.

    I feel stupid for writing this.. but I haven't come to peace with the problem all my life. I can't solve this alone. Five trips to see a psychotherapist helped slightly but... I can't get over this hurdle. I'm wasting life.

    I'm sick of my opinions of myself, my own perspective on life,(like I have to be a dentist to amount to anything in life)
    I'm done, I need some new, different opinions, good or bad, positive OR negative. I need help.

    Thank you very much for reading.
  2. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Alot of people are going through the same thoughts about themselves. It's tough in a world where we are told that looks are everything, that perfection is something we must strive for. If you don't have the looks then your not even human.

    All this is garbage in reality. It's understandable that you dis-like your self and your looks. You have to ask your self, would you rather be fancied by women who like you for your looks or would you rather be fancied by women who like you for your personality.
  3. saeyoon Chung

    saeyoon Chung Well-Known Member

    Women look at looks too.. I'm jus being realistic here..

    Thank you for taking your time and reading my long post.. thank you.
  4. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    in reality women may put some stock in looks, but thats depending on the woman, not all are the same and there are alot who put personality first.

    its not what you are or how you look, its who you are.

    look deeper in yourself and see who you really are then you will find the person to love.
  5. ItThing

    ItThing Well-Known Member

    A worthy person values themselves and values others. I wish I were more attractive, but personally I like others regardless of their looks - girls too, so I'm not really worried. There are other things you can like about yourself, and if you respect yourself for having those qualities, then others will too. that's what's everyone is trying to say. For example, I like that you use the phrase 'oxygen pirate', that's the wittiest thing I've heard in weeks lol.
  6. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    You are letting him dictate how you will live. He sounds like he is still immature and doesn't know what he has in you. Don't let him drag you down. There are plenty of others out there that would be extremely happy to be with you.
    You are intelligent and know what you want, and you have alot going for you!! Congadulations on graduating college! Not all of us are capable to go thru college and graduate. For instants I dropped out of high school because I was into drugs. I have lied to employers all my life. You have alot to offer so you should do good in your lifestyle. Please don't let him hurt you!!!:chopper:!!!
  7. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Sorry about the post. I was awnsering someone else and somehow it posted on your thread.Sorry again and disregard.
  8. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I wish I could make you feel better about yourself. I am a 56 yr old female and have had enough relationships that I feel comfortable in telling you that "real women" often do not look at appearances, but look for a kind person who can love others for who they really are. I'm sorry that's not much help. I can only speak for myself: I have never put looks as very important in a relationship. I see it as when we are in bed at nite and it is dark, I can't see their appearance, only feel their love. So what a person looks like (aside from basic hygiene) doesn't matter to me. I am only interested in someone who will love me for who I am, imperfections and all, and not for what they look like.

    Please hang on for a woman who also feels like looks are secondary in importance. There are many women out there who feel, like I do, that what's inside is more important.
  9. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    I'm sorry to hear you are having problems such as you are. You are not the only person who struggles with these feelings about yourself, many people have struggles like these. I myself have similar struggles.

    I believe what theleastofthese said was right. I believe a great deal of women are not so much in judging everything about a guy by looks, and the ones who are, probably wouldn't be the type you would want anyway. I know I myself don't go about judging others because they don't have perfect, flawless looks... I can see beauty in anything and anyone, but myself.

    If you'd ever like to talk about anything or would just like a chat, feel free to PM me or add me to a messenger.

    Take care. :hug:
  10. Summer.Rain

    Summer.Rain Well-Known Member

    Dude.. im 23 also.. and i have a skeleton boddy...
    im 187cm high and 67kg waight... its something like thins ---> |

    But i never had problems to get girls.. like.. at all...
    The only thing that stopes me from (lala) any girl in my town is that it dosnt interest me at all....
    Hell yes girls here in Ukraine are like... AMAZING!! but im not ready for relations
    and im too smart to use girl for sex like the primate assholes do...

    Oh and i have back issues also, i have a ? shaped back
    yet... in my 23 years of life.. only 1 girl said she have a problem with that
    and she was 15 and stupid... so i dont care really...

    Remember... its not how you look like.. its how others see you!!!!
  11. Notreally

    Notreally Member

    I have some weird habits of telling/thinking to myself how I look like a clown or stupid when I look on the mirror. And only because I fear that if I would get too confident about myself I would just embarrass myself big time.

    A pessimist is never disappointed, I guess:tongue:

    And this wasn't really relevant to the topic but just felt like venting out..
  12. Issaccs

    Issaccs Well-Known Member

    Alright mate, you are attractive to someone, we both know that we see obese troll like creatures in the arms of attractive partners all the time and say to ourselves "How the fuck did that happen".

    Everyone has the quirks and attractions, someones will be for you and you can help yourself no end by appearing confident.
  13. Summer.Rain

    Summer.Rain Well-Known Member

  14. OutCaste

    OutCaste Well-Known Member

    in america the only thing that matters is dick size, looks, swag and all that materialistic degenerate bullshit that comes along with one is interested in the "nice" guy...but dont worry this kind of culture wont be here for long.
  15. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I was watching the Montel Williams show this morning and he had a woman on who had tumors under her skin on the left side of her face, and two on her lower back. Now the interesting thing was it didn't bother her. She was very chipper and full of energy.
    She was also married and her husband loved her for her inner beauty. They have a baby and want more kids.
    I guess my point is your other is out there you just haven't found her yet. By the way the girl on Montel really inspired me to think there are some good people out there. That wasn't easy for me to say because I don't trust people and I don't trust my self.
    I hope this helps just a little. Just remember your not alone you have a family here who will support you!!! Stay Safe and Stay Strong..:chopper:..
  16. janie

    janie Well-Known Member

    you can always workout and get buff? or just wear tigher clothing haha i have to get girl clothes sometimes cos i dont like how baggy the smallest mens clothes are (im like 175 n 62k).

    and I dont know if you've seen shows like beauty and the geek - but like gettin a good hairdo/contacts/stylier glasses watever works.

    I want to say that you should try to focus less on outward appearance but I know it can be very hard when you're very self-conscious about your own outward appearance. so i say...

    go and get a makeover lol

    go to some1 who knows what they're doing with hair, get some flash clothes, work out a bit and see what happens. The knowledge that you COULD look good if u bothered with it can sometimes help.

    that is if you can muster up the courage to go to a hairstylist/shoppin around/gymming...which are very hard tasks when you're really self conscious...mite help if you go with a friend

    p.s. be very careful with choosing hairstylists- screw ups are devastating and take ages to regrow back don't just dive into a haircut or be coerced (by a hairdresser) into one.

    man. I sound like a girl.
  17. saeyoon Chung

    saeyoon Chung Well-Known Member

    Thank you guys so much... although.. I'm a little hopeless..

    my 'small man complex' and 'looking-like-a-dumb-nerd-with-big-glasses complex'(there're smart, clean-cut nerds out there)
    have killed me on the inside.

    I mean.. I still go out, work.. and do everyday things but.. I've so much bottled up inside.

    Might not lead to suicide.. but it's such an ugly feeling, like someone slit my throat and poured toxic acid into me...

    I do not know if anyone can relate to me.. well.. even if someone can, it's my own damn little problem that only I can solve anyway.

    I guess I was seeking your compassion and now I'm kinda happy 'cause I got some.. *chuckle* how pathetic I am..

    I blew so many chances...
    mood swings are so frequent it's ridiculous.. kinda wanna choke "my laughing self" sometimes.

    Good night, you guys. I've read every comment and really do appreciate your help.
  18. LightInTheDarkestNight

    LightInTheDarkestNight Well-Known Member

    I know how your feeling, I used to think oh yea if I got muscle more ripped I'd be happy or if I lost a bit more fat and became ripped I would have a easy life, and be full of confidence sure it helps to some degree but it isn't the be all to end all. I thought women would fall over me but in reality guys notice it more

    To be truthfull women don't care nearly as much about looks as guys do sure their intially drawn to attractive guys. With that said younger people are alot more ego driven.. I've been told I'm too musucular some womens taste yet I feel I the need to be much bigger..

    It basically all boils down to how you feel about yourself and how u carry yourself, confidence, is huge part of attraction.. Look the best for yourself not to impress others, I know the two go hand in hand to some degree but theres a fine line

    I forget where I read but you should write down everything you don't like about yourself accept it for how it is, especially the things that u can't change.. and once you truly do this you'll be alot more confident, easier said then done but worth a try
  19. LightInTheDarkestNight

    LightInTheDarkestNight Well-Known Member

    Wow that's a pretty weird way to put things sure it counts but it's so far from all that matters, unless your dealing with .....
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