I've been pondering on this for years..(I'm 23 now..) I'm one of those sophisticated idiots who think way too much.. In North America, you know everyone says "stand up for yourself", "DO you" "be yourself", "don't try to be someone you're not" "love yourself for who you are"... etc. But.. how can you follow any of this, when you hate yourself and wish you were somebody else? right?(seriously I sound like an immature 11-year-old... I dunno..) Loving myself(this body I live in) is really hard when I'm this ugly, nerdy-looking skinny(no muscle) guy. I can't find much 'value'(for a lack of a better word) in my life. Sometimes I just look at myself as an oxygen pirate.. someone no good for anybody. I'm just not "physically beautiful/attractive" and it annoys me like hell. I feel like I have to "make up" for my lack of 'beauty'(skinny,short,nerd) like... my life 'cannot stand' on its own.. I can't seem to "live life."(if you know what I mean..) like.. I HAVE to be someone like a physician to "PROVE my worth." Ridiculous I know.. but I can't help it. This self-esteem issue(looks) has been plaguing me almost my entire life.(Although I try not to let it show) Maybe I'm too self-conscious.. but there's nothing I can do about it. It comes back to haunt me just when I thought I got over it.(duh, it's my face&body my soul lives in.. eventually I'll remind myself when I look in the mirror) If I say this makes me suicidal, that would be 'lying' but.. the stress can be unbearable. I feel stupid for writing this.. but I haven't come to peace with the problem all my life. I can't solve this alone. Five trips to see a psychotherapist helped slightly but... I can't get over this hurdle. I'm wasting life. I'm sick of my opinions of myself, my own perspective on life,(like I have to be a dentist to amount to anything in life) I'm done, I need some new, different opinions, good or bad, positive OR negative. I need help. Thank you very much for reading.