how to make ur wife happy(islamic view)

Discussion in 'Soap Box' started by muslim, Mar 12, 2007.

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  1. muslim

    muslim Well-Known Member

    How to make your Wife happy ?

    Beautiful Reception

    After returning from work, school, travel, or whatever has separated you:
    • Begin with a good greeting.
    • Start with Assalamau 'Aliaykum and a smile. Salam is a sunnah and a du'aa for her as well.
    • Shake her hand and leave bad news for later!
    Sweet Speech and Enchanting Invitations
    • Choose words that are positive and avoid negative ones.
    • Give her your attention when you speak of she speaks.
    • Speak with clarity and repeat words if necessary until she understands.
    • Call her with the nice names that she likes, e.g. my sweet-heart, honey, saaliha, etc.
    Friendliness and Recreation
    • Spend time talking together.
    • Spread to her goods news.
    • Remember your good memories together.
    Games and Distractions
    • Joking around & having a sense of humor.
    • Playing and competing with each other in sports or whatever.
    • Taking her to watch permissible (halal) types of entertainment.
    • Avoiding prohibited (haram) things in your choices of entertainment.
    Assistance in the Household
    • Doing what you as an individual can/like to do that helps out, especially if she is sick or tired.
    • The most important thing is making it obvious that he appreciates her hard work.
    Consultation (Shurah)
    • Specifically in family matters.
    • Giving her the feeling that her opinion is important to you.
    • Studying her opinion carefully.
    • Be willing to change an opinion for hers if it is better.
    • Thanking her for helping him with her opinions.
    Visiting Others
    • Choosing well raised people to build relations with. There is a great reward in visiting relatives and pious people. (Not in wasting time while visiting!)
    • Pay attention to ensure Islamic manners during visits.
    • Not forcing her to visit whom she does not feel comfortable with.
    Conduct During Travel
    • Offer a warm farewell and good advice.
    • Ask her to pray for him.
    • Ask pious relatives and friends to take care of the family in your absence.
    • Give her enough money for what she might need.
    • Try to stay in touch with her whether by phone, e-mail, letters, etc..
    • Return as soon as possible.
    • Bring her a gift!
    • Avoid returning at an unexpected time or at night.
    • Take her with you if possible.
    Financial Support
    • The husband needs to be generous within his financial capabilities. He should not be a miser with his money (nor wasteful).
    • He gets rewards for all what he spends on her sustenance even for a small piece of bread that he feeds her by his hand (hadeeth).
    • He is strongly encouraged to give to her before she asks him.
    Smelling Good and Physical Beautification
    • Following the Sunnah in removing hair from the groin and underarms.
    • Always being clean and neat.
    • Put on perfume for her.
    • It is obligatory to do it habitually if you have no excuse (sickness, etc.)
    • Start with "Bismillah" and the authentic du'a.
    • Enter into her in the proper place only (not the anus).
    • Begin with foreplay including words of love.
    • Continue until you have satisfied her desire.
    • Relax and joke around afterwards.
    • Avoid intercourse during the monthly period because it haram
    • Do what you can to avoid damaging her level of Hiyaa (shyness and modesty) such as taking your clothes together instead of asking her to do it first while you looking on.
    • Avoid positions during intercourse that may harm her such as putting pressure on her chest and blocking her breath, especially if you are heavy.
    • Choose suitable times for intercourse and be considerate as sometimes she maybe sick or exhausted.
    Guarding Privacy

    Avoid disclosing private information such as bedroom secrets, her personal problems and other private matters.

    Aiding in the Obedience to Allah
    • Wake her up in the last third of the night to pray "Qiyam-ul-Layl" (extra prayer done at night with long sujood and ruku'ua).
    • Teach her what you know of the Qur'an and its tafseer.
    • Teach her "Dhikr" (ways to remember Allah by the example of the prophet) in the morning and evening.
    • Encourage her to spend money for the sake of Allah such as in a charity sale.
    • Take her to Hajj and Umrah when you can afford to do so.
    Showing Respect for her Family and Friends
    • Take her to visit her family and relatives, especially her parents.
    • Invite them to visit her and welcome them.
    • Give them presents on special occasions.
    • Help them when needed with money, effort, etc..
    • Keep good relations with her family after her death if she dies first. Also in this case the husband is encouraged to follow the Sunnah and keep giving what she used to give in her life to her friends and family.
    (Islamic) Training & Admonition

    This includes:
    • The basics of Islam
    • Her duties and rights
    • Reading and writing
    • Encouraging her to attend lessons and halaqahs
    • Islamic rules (ahkam) related to women
    • Buying Islamic books and tapes for the home library
    Admirable Jealousy
    • Ensure she is wearing proper Hijab before leaving house.
    • Restrict free mixing with non-mahram men.
    • Avoiding excess jealousy.
      Examples of this are:
      1- Analyzing every word and sentence she says and overloading her speech by meanings that she did not mean
      2- Preventing her from going out of the house when the reasons are just.
      3- Preventing her from answering the phone.
    Patience and Mildness
    • Problems are expected in every marriage so this is normal. What is wrong is excessive responses and magnifying problems until a marital breakdown.
    • Anger should be shown when she exceeds the boundaries of Allah SWT, by delaying prayers, backbiting, watching prohibited scenes on TV, etc..
    • Forgive the mistakes she does to you.
    Correcting her Mistakes
    • First, implicit and explicit advice several times.
    • Then by turning your back to her in bed (displaying your feelings). Note that this does not include leaving the bedroom to another room, leaving the house to another place, or not talking with her.
    • The last solution is lightly hitting (when allowable) her. In this case, the husband should consider the following:
    • He should know that Sunnah is to avoid beating as the Prophet PBUH never beat a woman or a servant.
    • He should do it only in extreme cases of disobedience, e.g. refusing intercourse without cause frequently, constantly not praying on time, leaving the house for long periods of time without permission nor refusing to tell him where she had been, etc..
    • It should not be done except after having turned from her bed and discussing the matter with her as mentioned in Qur'an .
    • He should not hit her hard injuring her, or hit her on her face or on sensitive parts of her body.
    • He should avoid shaming her such as by hitting her with a shoe, etc.
    Pardoning and Appropriate Censure
    • Accounting her only for larger mistakes.
    • Forgive mistakes done to him but account her for mistakes done in Allah's rights, e.g. delaying prayers, etc..
    • Remember all the good she does whenever she makes a mistake.
    • Remember that all humans err so try to find excuses for her such as maybe she is tired, sad, having her monthly cycle or that her commitment to Islam is growing.
    • Avoid attacking her for the bad cooking of the food as the Prophet PBUH never blamed any of his wives for this. If he likes the food, he eats and if he doesn't then he does not eat and does not comment.
    • Before declaring her to be in error, try other indirect approaches that are more subtle than direct accusations
    • Escape from using insults and words that may hurt her feelings.
    • When it becomes necessary to discuss a problem wait until you have privacy from others.
    • Waiting until the anger has subsided a bit can help to keep a control on your words.
    The following is a summary of the book "How to make your wife happy"
  2. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Perhaps I'm just not used to such narrow and rigid 'rules' for a marital relationship, but I could never tolerate such restrictions. I had a boyfriend a long time ago who 'said' he was Muslim but never prayed, drank and smoked too much, and used to treat me like dirt and beat me terribly. That somewhat soured my opinion of the Muslim view of women, but even without my bad experience I have read and heard mostly bad things about how the Muslim religion regards and treats women.

    Truthfully, religious affiliation aside, I'm far happier being single. I won't say I'll never be in a relationship again, but will be very cautious about anyone who wants a relationship with me. There will be no 'asking permission' of anyone from me. I had enough of that with the long ago abuser. And anyone who hits me for any reason will get my fist right back. Hitting is unacceptable behavior. If anyone hits me that means they do not respect me. And no relationship can last without mutual respect.

    Just my opinion...

  3. immure

    immure Account Closed

    i would feel blessed if someone treated me as it is instructed in ur post. it all sounds like good kind gentle love that is lookin to build a strong life with good community attachments. and if u can t think of these good behaviours on ur own i support submitting to instrustion.
  4. Bob26003

    Bob26003 Well-Known Member

    So you would like to be hit immure?

    If you look at the correcting bad behavior part, it says to lightly hit her. Like she is a dog or something. I don't even believe in hitting kids.

    Damn, I had no idea Islam actually condones hitting women.
  5. Bob26003

    Bob26003 Well-Known Member

    I must admit, everything else except the physical abuse part sounds good to me.

  6. letdown

    letdown Guest

    :sad: I echo least. Triggering stuff.
  7. muslim

    muslim Well-Known Member

    it is hard to me what u r telling about ur muslim boyfriend and how he was rough and smokes dring never pray
    but i am sure it is a problem of a person not a problem of islam
    if he knows islam morals well i think the sitiuation will differ

    look my dear islam isnt a religion only in mosque but it is a way of life
    it is not a prison for women
    it librates women and give her her rights the same as man
    she can educate choose her husband go to market have a job
    but gives some restrictions to take that actions to
    keep that women always like a shiny diamond no one touches her except her husband no boyfriend say he loves her and do what he wants with her and then turn to another one
    islam gives restrictions to women to go out her home but she must wear suitable clothes as u know hijab(cover her hair)
    dont wear tight trousers which describes her body
    i know a lot of muslim women dont do that
    but i swear that a women in the way of islamic life is a diamond always shiny
  8. Raven

    Raven Guest

    "He should do it only in extreme cases of disobedience, e.g. refusing intercourse without cause frequently, constantly not praying on time, leaving the house for long periods of time without permission nor refusing to tell him where she had been, etc.."

    This is so backwards its not even funny, leaving the house for extended periods of time could result in punishment, women are people to, and they are not pets. Refusing intercourse ??? I can’t even think of anything to say to this.

    “ He should know that Sunnah is to avoid beating as the Prophet PBUH never beat a woman or a servant.”
    How about simply realizing that hatred only begets more hatred. A hand should never be lad on another loved one, to do so is childish and I would like to think we have grown beyond physical punishment to the ones we love.

    “Preventing her from answering the phone.”
    Why are we preventing our “women” from answering the phone. If I am ever married I hope I have a wife I trust enough to pick up a phone.

    “Ensure she is wearing proper Hijab before leaving house.”
    We can’t see their faces so they don’t temp men? This is so far backwards and just wrong its not even funny. If men are unable to control themselves its not the fault of the women but of the man that is to weak spirited to control himself.

    I am sorry most of this left me speechless, I respect others religions and beliefs for the most part but this I can’t condone. Most of its not keep your wife happy but keeping them on a short leash. Sorry I can condone this, when you are married you are equal, this is making them a slave.

  9. immure

    immure Account Closed

    gee everyone i know it isn t ment to be perverted. i m not muslim myself . but i can apreciate for one the time in which this was all written and how there everyday lives unfolded very differently then ours
    like for instance there would have been no phone to call on as there is now. in context i don t seem harm in any of it i don t feel demeaned by the writings themselve personally
    i have been spiritually abused in my life and i am sure it is of the perversed human ego that takes it there not the actual words on papor
    just like guns don t kill people do. i just think that it could be a awsome thing if genuinly carried out as forthe contraversal fragment of the whole well i see it as something born of love. it does not condone beatings it is highlighting high risk behavior and sayin protect her i see it different i have hit someone in this way as written and i can see how it comes from a place that is so deep it has no malise only reverence for the person and there future.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 12, 2007
  10. muslim

    muslim Well-Known Member

    dear raven can i ask u something
    did u heared that there is a father beats his child as he made something wrong
    is that means that the child is a servant
    is that mean that the father hates his son
    if u discovered that ur wife have a relation with another man how can u deal with that i am not expecting that u will say its her own life do what she wants
    “ He should know that Sunnah is to avoid beating as the Prophet PBUH never beat a woman or a servant.”

    please read again the post
    it is written avoiding excess jealous like preventing her fromanswering phone.[/QUOTE]

    if i had a diamond i will leave her in the street and when it is stolen i will say the problem with the one wfo took it not of me that left it in street

    amazing logic

  11. immure

    immure Account Closed

    wow i find even u see it weirdly in comparison to me . the way it unfolds in me is good any of u its perverted. i am convicted.
  12. muslim

    muslim Well-Known Member

    sorry my dear i didnt understand what u say
    of course coz of my weak english
  13. Malcontent

    Malcontent Staff Alumni

    I wasn't going to reply to this thread, but this sentance really offended me.

    Women are not property to be stolen or kept or won. Women have brains and personalities of their own. A man can not steal a woman, they make up their own minds about who they want to be in a relationship with. And neither is the main purpose of a woman to be in a relationship with a man. Woman are people and equal to men.
  14. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Go the Mal !!!!:groupwave
  15. worlds edge

    worlds edge Well-Known Member

    All I can say is that I'm glad I've discoverd the "ignore" feature here, finally. :)
  16. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni


    Sorry but some of the stuff in this thread is a load of bollocks and damn right offensive.
  17. muslim

    muslim Well-Known Member

    thanks my daer

    i am glad for ur participation in this thread

    but do u think that my post is a type of ignorance

    i will be happy to hear from u
  18. muslim

    muslim Well-Known Member

    at first sorry my dear for offending u
    but may be u misunderstanded me
    my dear
    women and men are equal that is good

    can i give u an example
    if u have a girl and she have a lot of friends u know them well
    if one of them is danger on her like a wolf
    as u r responsible of her u will tell her be away from him
    isnt that????
    if she follow him by her decision so that means that ur diamond is stolen
    that what i mean
    i think u got it
  19. letdown

    letdown Guest

    Yes, that is exactly what I'd say. A woman is her own self and not the property of anybody- like Malcontent says.

    The man who is a "danger on her like a wolf" may be the husband's view of a quiet innocent friendship. It may be...a type of paranoia, an anxiety of men not having full control or fear of their sexual desires. Not all men are "dangerous" but I think, if your posts are any way a reflection of how Islam treats women, these viewpoints make men dangerous to women.

    I follow Malcontent's view that women and people aren't to be owned by others, their sexual life are theirs and not owned by men. The diamond won't be "stolen," if the women leaves, it's her choice.

    The psychological impacts of what you've written are huge to women. I'm not saying all married Muslim women are unhappy. But having grown up with a Christian mother and Muslim father, I notice a fundamental lack of listening and respect on his part-not all women, who follow Islam are the same and a lot do not like being owned and restricted by men. I don't follow any religion myself but have had Muslim friends who are women.

    I think I will step out of this thread now.
  20. Bob26003

    Bob26003 Well-Known Member

    Am I the only one who noticed the Acceptance of hitting the Wife????

    I mean for real. When do you hit a diamond?


    I have a question muslim: Is it standard Islamic practice that hitting Women is OK?

    In muslim countries is it codified that it is OK to hit Women?

    What do you make of the recent case in Saudia Arabia in which a Woman is going to recieve 60 lashings. She was raped, and will be punished for being alone with a man.


    Sounds brutally repressive and uncivilized to me :cool:
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