Hi everyone. If someone told me a month ago that I'll be asking for help on this forum I would just laugh in their face. I'm a 21 y/o female. Unfortunately, I attempted suicide this past month. I still can't believe I did it and I'm really sorry about it. I'll never ever do anything like that again. You could say my life was perfect but I had one serious problem that I couldn't deal with alone and I was stupid enough not to seek help. Then something really bad happened and I just snapped. I should probably mention that I was drunk and would never EVER do anything like this if I were sober. I was never depressed or anything, and according to all the tests I'm mentally okay and stable, which is even worse because if I had a mental illness it would at least be understandable. Right now I feel terrible. I'm so ashamed of myself and I don't want anyone to know about it, but unfortunately I have some pretty nasty scars on my forearms that allegedly can't be removed so I'm probably stuck with that for the rest of my life. Tattoo is not an option either because it wouldn't be accepted in my future job. I used to be fun to be with and I enjoyed company a lot, but now I'm terrified of being with people. I know what the general opinion on this thing is - I too always thought it's the most cowardly and selfish thing anyone can do, and now that I've done it I don't know how to cope with that. I'm seeing a doctor for this and she says people often make irrational things under certain circumstances and that I have to forgive myself. I know I do but I just can't see how. I caused my family so much pain and I feel like crap. It would be a lot easier without those stupid scars. Now that I have them I could just tattoo "COWARD" on my forehead and it wouldn't make much difference. I don't want this thing to affect my career or personal life, but I can't really focus on my studies and, honestly, I can't imagine how anyone could date me again, let alone marry me. I'm trying to fight depression as much as I can but it's not easy and I really don't want to be put on antidepressants. I'm thinking about how I'll finally go to bed all day and then I can't sleep at night at all. I feel like I don't have the right to be happy. When I laugh (not very often though) I almost feel guilty. It's terrible, and I know I have to deal with this because it was all my fault, but I just don't know how right now. I want to be my old self again and I don't want to lose my friends or to be treated differently because of this. The scars are the biggest issue right now. If it weren't for them I would be all smiles and happy that I'm alive. So my question is, if you've ever experienced this or know someone who did, how did you deal with the depressive thoughts and self loathing? How to hide/explain/learn to live with the scars? Is it even possible to live a normal life after something like that? Or how would you deal with it if you had this problem? I love life, I will never do anything like this again, under any circumstances. I just need to find something positive in this situation or I'll go nuts. And please no harsh comments, I feel bad enough already. Thanks a lot.