How to not feel like total crap?

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#1
When I say "how to not feel like total crap" I really mean how to fake it.. how do I let the world think I'm ok? My parents have been bothering me the last couple of days because I've been so isolative. It's funny because they think now I'm depressed when I've really been depressed for the last 7 years.. anyways I just want to look like okay to the world. In fact it would be great if I could just look like nothing, I'd love to be invisible and just do my own thing until it's my time.. if I was invisible everything would be so much easier.. even though I do feel invisible a lot of times... I want to be invisible all the time so I don't have to fake smile or come up with some excuse at work as to why I'm not so preppy today... if they only knew the real me... but they never will... how do you guys do it? How do you make everyone think you're okay when you're really not?

Maybe I can learn to do it so well that I can actually pretend to be okay just to escape my pain for a little. Maybe I can come up with something to tell myself that will convince me that things will get better (even tho I know they never will) just to get me through the day.. until I'm back where I'm most comfortable which is alone in my pitch black bedroom at night with the covers over my head...
 

drinty

I'd rather be a Cat.
#2
Hiya and welcome so SF. Here you don't have to pretend to be ok, just let it all hang out :) sorry you're having a tough time of it at the mo...
Well you ask how to make the world think you're ok...hmm I did that for so so sooooo long, not wanting to upset anyone with my illness, faking smiles and always being happy...till one day I cracked :D why should I fake how I feel? How I really feel. I'd been holding in my real feelings for so long I'd got angry, very angry and that's worse than depression ;)
So now when people ask how are you? the minute I say aww I'm having a bad day mentally today, they kinda go wow, well they don't say it but you know what I mean.

I had to say to my parents, I'm 43 and you have to let me have a bad day, you have to trust that I will ask for help if I need it. My kid whoose 18 just takes it all in her stride, she says I'm mad but she loves me, she also says I have a homing becon in my head that attracts crazies when I think weird thoughts lmao.
Where was I going with this hmm... I couldn't find a cloak of invisibility so maybe Just be you, float about irl, be sad be happy be whatever but don't fake it, it will not have a positive ending imo, since I've been me I've had so many more good bad days than bad bad days :) people don't tend to ask me how I am anymore and that's ok with me.

Plus there's nothing wrong with the night, or the safety of your bed, or your pjs on in the middle of the day and a blanket with ya curtains shut :D hehe I don't care if you don't ;)

It can get better my lovely, especially if you stick around Sf, the people here are nice.
 

Walker

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#4
Depression isn't something you should be sitting and brewing in but rather trying various methods for getting out of. Given the fact that you're young and your parents don't know about it leads me to believe you haven't sought out any kind of meds or therapy for it. Any chance you might think of doing this? Depression doesn't just go away on it own most of the time and certainly not after 7 years. That's chemicals, hon. That's fucked up brain wiring. That doesn't fix itself but YOU can be better overall with some help.
 
#5
Thanks for the reply .. I've tried therapy before but that ended horribly.. I don't even want to go into details but it basically made my trust issues even worse.. that was a couple years ago and I've tried it again. Ive had two sessions so far but I really feel like it's pointless and I've been thinking about telling him Im no longer going to be attending sessions. Idk y but I just feel like it's a waste of time... I know I have to put the effort in to get results but I have no effort to put in..
 
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