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How to preemptively reject someone who

Jolene

Well-Known Member
#1
My current love and broken heart situation is not the subject of this thread, but I am in love and my heart is really broken. Anyway, that never prevented me from meeting another people and, at certain times, when I was still grieving, I met someone. But this is not the case and my grief is worse because I am still really, really in love and I need a miracle...

But my thread is about a different thing. These days I've started to exchange text messages with a guy. We spend hours talking about everything and that would be great but the thing is that I can see that he likes me but I don't like him back (no possibility, is not a "give him a chance", I like him as a friend but nothing more than that). I don't want him to deevlop feelings for me, I don't want to hurt him or use him. And this is not even making me feel better, on the contrary, because spending the nights texting someone is something what I did with my love partners or interests, not him. And, as I said, it's clear that he's into me, but it's not mutual.
SInce he hasn't asked me anything directly, I can't reject him, but I don't want to give him false expectations. I enjoy our talks (or I'd do if it wasn't for what I said: This reminds me to another situations) but I can't let this continue because I feel that it makes me look interested, which I am not.
It would be easy to let myself go anf having a long distance relationship with him (he's in another country), just with cute texts and all the attention, but I'm not like that and that would end up hurting both of us because I don't have any romantic attraction of feelings for him and I never will.

So, please, could you help me? How can I stop this situation without rejecting him directly (because he hasn't asked anything yet) but preventing him to get more attached to me? I don't want to keep going this way...

Thank you
 

Kira

•✮• 33764 •✮•
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#3
If he hasn't said anything about his feelings then there isn't anything to reject is there?

Maybe, like you, he's happy to chat purely as friends. Unless he actually says something specific to you then just carry on enjoying each others time and company. Try not to over think it either.

IF at some stage he may hint at having feelings then you can think of what you could say. But for now there's not much you can really do other than enjoy your friendship with him.
 

Jolene

Well-Known Member
#4
If he's also not expressed any romantic interest maybe there is none hmm. Maybe he's also just texting.
If he hasn't said anything about his feelings then there isn't anything to reject is there?

Maybe, like you, he's happy to chat purely as friends. Unless he actually says something specific to you then just carry on enjoying each others time and company. Try not to over think it either.

IF at some stage he may hint at having feelings then you can think of what you could say. But for now there's not much you can really do other than enjoy your friendship with him.
He shows me affection, tells me cute things and has started learning my language. For now is enough to be prepared, just in case. I wish I don't need to do anything but I just want to know how to prevent this for going further.
 

Kira

•✮• 33764 •✮•
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#5
The only thing that I can think of is to mention how much you appreciate him as a "friend" and to not get too flirty or anything that he may misinterpret as you being interested in him as "more" than just friends.

If you keep reminding him that he's a good "friend" and that you enjoy his "friendship" then hopefully he'll get the point. I hope that helps. :)
 

Jolene

Well-Known Member
#6
The only thing that I can think of is to mention how much you appreciate him as a "friend" and to not get too flirty or anything that he may misinterpret as you being interested in him as "more" than just friends.

If you keep reminding him that he's a good "friend" and that you enjoy his "friendship" then hopefully he'll get the point. I hope that helps. :)
Thank you a lot. Luckily, I'm not flirty of even affectionate, not only with him, I am very cold in general. So I'll do that, I'll start to enhance the "friendship" concept and I hope he gets that it's just that.
 

Lara_C

Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#7
I think you should tell him you appreciate him as a friend and cut down the time you spend talking with him. It's too intense for "just friends" and he could easily get the idea that there's a chance of things developing romantically. If you're definitely not into it, and you feel he's pursuing you romantically, it's kinder to tell him now than give him false hope. If you start to feel uncomfortable with the " friendship" you should be clear with him and not let him imagine you are open to a romantic attachment with him
 
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Jolene

Well-Known Member
#8
I think you should tell him you appreciate him as a friend and cut down the time you spend talking with him. It's too intense for "just friends" and he could easily get the idea that there's a chance of things developing romantically. If you're definitely not into it, and you feel he's pursuing you romantically, it's kinder to tell him now than give him false hope. If you start to feel uncomfortable with the " friendship" you should be clear with him.
You are right. The first thing I should do is that, cut down the time we spend talking, which is too much for just a friendship. We talk about so many interesting topics that time flies but I know that that is giving him the wrong impression, so this is a good first step.
 

Lara_C

Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#9
Just wanted to add that it might be better not to discuss your romantic troubles with him if he is interested in romance with you himself. I think he could take that as a green light
 

Jolene

Well-Known Member
#10
Just wanted to add that it might be better not to discuss your romantic troubles with him if he is interested in romance with you himself. I think he could take that as a green light
Thank you. And, of course, I haven't done and won't do it. Here's one thing, but when it comes to my romantic life, only three of my best friends know about it. I wouldn't tell him anything, as a matter of fact, I don't talk about relationship issues with him. But thank you, this means that I was doing that part well.
 
#11
I would say be cold (not mean, but I mean just very neutral), dont talk very often, dont reply much, unless he's persistent he'll get put off I would guess and stop showing so much interest
 

Jolene

Well-Known Member
#12
I would say be cold (not mean, but I mean just very neutral), dont talk very often, dont reply much, unless he's persistent he'll get put off I would guess and stop showing so much interest
Thank you. Yes, that's my plan, taking more time to answer, not letting the conversations last too long... I'd say not initiating but I wasn't doing it anyway, it's always him, which should be a "hint"... But yes. I can't stop talking 100%, also, I enjoyed our conversations, but I prefer to reduce them until we're in the same page, if that happens. Better to pull away than giving him a wrong impression... I don't want to hurt him.
 
#13
Thank you. Yes, that's my plan, taking more time to answer, not letting the conversations last too long... I'd say not initiating but I wasn't doing it anyway, it's always him, which should be a "hint"... But yes. I can't stop talking 100%, also, I enjoyed our conversations, but I prefer to reduce them until we're in the same page, if that happens. Better to pull away than giving him a wrong impression... I don't want to hurt him.
ah I get you, yeah those things should work :)
 

Movieaddict

Well-Known Member
#14
The one thing any of us wants in a relationship is “attention” which equates to time. You are spending, what appears to be, a lot of time and giving him attention. While, it is true he may not have romantic feelings.... that’s a lot of talking. Even for a friendship. Just cutting back on the time spent talking will be enough for him to know how you see your relationship. And then you both can develop healthy amounts of time spent talking.

Good luck!
 

Jolene

Well-Known Member
#15
The one thing any of us wants in a relationship is “attention” which equates to time. You are spending, what appears to be, a lot of time and giving him attention. While, it is true he may not have romantic feelings.... that’s a lot of talking. Even for a friendship. Just cutting back on the time spent talking will be enough for him to know how you see your relationship. And then you both can develop healthy amounts of time spent talking.

Good luck!
Thank you. Yes, that's what I'm doing now and will keep progressively reducing talks and delaying my responses. It would be rude to stop talking completly but I'm backing away until we can find a balance which ends in a friendship, just that.
 

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