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How to recover from an ED when someone else is making you feel guilty for eating?

Accio

Well-Known Member
#4
who's making you feel guilty for eating and why?
My mother and I don't know why.

I remember being about 14 years old and I would ask for food because I was really hungry (and severely underweight) and she would get very angry at me and I wouldn't get any food. I used to go back to my bedroom and basically have a tantrum to myself.

I also remember seeing the nurse at about the same age. The nurse told my mother I am underweight and my mother replies "no, she's a normal weight" and then the nurse had to confirm that I am underweight.

I was basically being fed no more than 400 calories a day. My entire ribcage was prominently sticking out but still I was not allowed food.

I remember asking for advice on here and somebody suggested that I ask for bigger dinners which I did ask and was given the same size dinner but spaced out on a bigger plate.

A few years ago, I said I was still hungry after my 300 calorie dinner and she madly went off on one at me because "you've already been fed"

If I make my own food, I get filthy looks. Told I'm in the way, so I quit preparing food. Get a lecture on how having more than one meal a day is greedy, having breakfast is greedy etc.

She looks in the bins and if she sees anything in there she gets angry at me. I buy all my own food. I'm severely underweight based on my bmi.

The irony is that she always moans that she doesn't get fed when she has an overweight bmi, eats more than 2000 calories a day and snacks all the time.

But if anyone else eats anything, we're greedy.

I've been struggling with food for 14 years and I feel like nothing is ever going to get better.

I apologise for this being long :(
 

Lux

Outrageously Awesome
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#5
My mother and I don't know why.

I remember being about 14 years old and I would ask for food because I was really hungry (and severely underweight) and she would get very angry at me and I wouldn't get any food. I used to go back to my bedroom and basically have a tantrum to myself.

I also remember seeing the nurse at about the same age. The nurse told my mother I am underweight and my mother replies "no, she's a normal weight" and then the nurse had to confirm that I am underweight.

I was basically being fed no more than 400 calories a day. My entire ribcage was prominently sticking out but still I was not allowed food.

I remember asking for advice on here and somebody suggested that I ask for bigger dinners which I did ask and was given the same size dinner but spaced out on a bigger plate.

A few years ago, I said I was still hungry after my 300 calorie dinner and she madly went off on one at me because "you've already been fed"

If I make my own food, I get filthy looks. Told I'm in the way, so I quit preparing food. Get a lecture on how having more than one meal a day is greedy, having breakfast is greedy etc.

She looks in the bins and if she sees anything in there she gets angry at me. I buy all my own food. I'm severely underweight based on my bmi.

The irony is that she always moans that she doesn't get fed when she has an overweight bmi, eats more than 2000 calories a day and snacks all the time.

But if anyone else eats anything, we're greedy.

I've been struggling with food for 14 years and I feel like nothing is ever going to get better.

I apologise for this being long :(
That sounds awful, I am so sorry that you're going through it.

I don't know much about your age or living situation, so what are the odds on you getting out of there and/or moving out? I mean, I could consider what she's doing to you as abuse, but again, I don't live with you etc. Are you at school/do you get meals there?

She's totally projecting her issues onto you though - I had this relationship with my mother too but not so extreme in the food department, that came from dance mostly. She would still question if I ate a snack or something and would say "is that appropriate?" when I was already underweight. She's also the reason I spent so long in dance and theatre, and she also dictated all of my school subjects because she wanted me to live the life she couldn't have. It's very sad, but I recognised her as an abuser and moved away.

I'm here for you any time you want to chat x
 

KM76710

KM stands for Kangaroo Manager
SF Supporter
#6
No need to apologize this is a place for seeking advice and comfort, and no reason for you to feel bad at all.
 

Accio

Well-Known Member
#7
That sounds awful, I am so sorry that you're going through it.

I don't know much about your age or living situation, so what are the odds on you getting out of there and/or moving out? I mean, I could consider what she's doing to you as abuse, but again, I don't live with you etc. Are you at school/do you get meals there?

She's totally projecting her issues onto you though - I had this relationship with my mother too but not so extreme in the food department, that came from dance mostly. She would still question if I ate a snack or something and would say "is that appropriate?" when I was already underweight. She's also the reason I spent so long in dance and theatre, and she also dictated all of my school subjects because she wanted me to live the life she couldn't have. It's very sad, but I recognised her as an abuser and moved away.

I'm here for you any time you want to chat x
I'm an adult now and I did move out just over 3 years ago but due to my living situation, I was sleeping rough for a while and now I'm sofa surfing (at my mothers)

I really am sorry to hear that you had a similar experience with your mother too, it really does suck. I always used to believe that parents were supposed to be supportive of their children.

I'm really happy that you were able to move away. I've always dreamed of moving far far away but at the same time, I was brought up to be very dependent and would not be able to manage completely independently.

Thank you so much :)
 

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