How to stop being afraid of everything?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Witty_Sarcasm, Nov 19, 2014.

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  1. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    Wasn't sure where to put this, but here goes. I seem to be afraid of too many things in life, and always think of the worst instead of how things can benefit me. It took me years to summon up enough courage to seek therapy, but it seems I may even be failing at that. My therapist tells me to not be scared, to just go and talk to people and do social things, but it's not that easy. That is why I am seeking therapy in the first place, because I don't know how to do any of those things. I feel like if I talk about what I want to do, then fail to do it, I am letting others down, but especially myself. I feel that I am not making enough progress, even though I have been in therapy less than a month, and my therapist agrees that I should be doing more to help myself. I know this behavior can't change overnight, but I am worried that I never will be able to change it. So how do you stop fearing everything in life and stop being a coward and a failure and disappointing everyone?
  2. JmpMster

    JmpMster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    It is very frustrating when we find things to be very difficult like - "My therapist tells me to not be scared, to just go and talk to people and do social things, but it's not that easy." and it is put back to us how easy it should be when it really is not. AS you stated - that is why you went to therapy which was a really big step. Please remember- it took many many years of feeling like this before you went to get help - you cannot fix many years in a few week.

    Another thing to keep in mind is when the therapist act like things should be easy even when they are not it is intentional quite often. The therapist knows how difficult it is sometimes but they play it off as it should be easy as a method to try to make it seem easier to you to give you confidence to try. If they tell you how hard it will be and how difficult it is when you are already scared you would never try, so while they play it very casual they may not actually believe that to be true- it is just one "method' of trying to encourage you. Like everything - it is more helpful to some than others and as you spend more time with the therapist they will adjust the way they discuss these to find a way that works best for you.

    You are not failing at therapy or yourself after 4 weeks. It is like saying somebody is failing in nursery school - you are just starting to try to figure out what you need or want help with. That is why you are asking the question of why you are so afraid. You will figure out the things that the therapist can help you with and th ethings they cannot over time (and some things they will not be able to help you with). But every even minor thing that they help you to make better will give confidence and more importantly, therapy can often teach you how to help yourself. Give it 3 months and if you feel like it is nbot having any benefit at all then try a new therapist.

    Take Care
    - Ben
  3. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    It took a LOT of strength and courage for you to seek out therapy in the first place. That's something to be proud of. It's only been a month, still really new to you, and it takes time. You can do this, one step at a time!
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hiyas, I'm so proud of you for going to therapy. It does seem the therapist is going too fast, ask her to do things at a slower pace as to not overwhelm you. She in my opinion saying ''do this, that, etc'' she should be looking for the underneath hidden things that is stopping you, that's the key to success, baby steps hun, just explain it straight out if you can. I was so scared the first few times at therapy I would stare at the ground for a few minutes before answering but luckily I had a great therapist.
    All I can advise is baby steps, you know I'm here anytime you need me :hug:
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 20, 2014
  5. CGMAngel

    CGMAngel SF Supporter

    Witty - you're always so hard on yourself that you probably won't believe this, but WildCherry is right: going to therapy does take a lot of courage. You should give yourself some credit for that. (But I am guessing you won't!)

    Sorry, but I don't have many answers for curing the fear. If only! In my case the fear is partly related to my perfectionism. I am terrified of making mistakes (long story) and I know I need to find a way to accept that it is okay to be imperfect. Making a mistake doesn't mean you're a failure, it means you're human.

    Have you thought about where this fear might originate from?

    As always, I wish only good things for you.
  6. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    Thanks everyone :) I am feeling better about things now. Had a bad panic attack early this morning regarding all of these issues. I will bring it up at my next appointment and try to find ways to stop worrying so much.
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