How to stop being desperate.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by perfect-flaw, Jan 6, 2008.

  1. perfect-flaw

    perfect-flaw Active Member

    Ever since my last relationship having blown up in my face, I steered clear of all relationships for a while. Then, I accidentally met this guy.

    We've been dating for about a week, but have been talking for almost a month. He's amazing, and perfect, and I accidentally fell in love with him...

    I'm worried that I'm too clingy and desperate. because of everything that has happened, I tend to hold on really desperately.. I need to be told constantly that he's not going to leave, that he doesn't just pity me.... things like that.

    He knows about me being a cutter, and he displays his worry. He says such sweet things to me, and yet I want to see him all the time.. We're always around each other in public, so we can't be affectionate.. I need that touchy kind of thing. But when we're alone, he's very sweet. Not too pushy, always holding my hand, things like that.

    He's perfect, it's not him. I know that. He texts me every morning to wish me a good morning, tells me that he loves me, calls me every once and a while to check how I am, and what I'm up to.

    I still feel like I'm so desperate... I'm wondering what I can do to stop my paranoia, my need for so much...

    Any ideas? Anything?

    Please, I don't want to lose him because of some... worms in my brain.

    :sad:My mood fluctuates. I'll love looking into his eyes and seeing him smile, and as soon as he leaves, and I'm at home, I'm so afraid that I id something that made him lose interest...

    The worst part is even though I've told him about my feelings at certain times, when I'm afraid of his side, I know it puts strain on him.. I DONT want him to feel like he NEEDS to prove himself.

    Just help me find a way to calm myself.
  2. brainstorm

    brainstorm Well-Known Member

    I haven't understood why you can't be affectionate in public. Don't be afraid of being judged by others, they're just probably green with envy for both of you (speaking from experience, here). And that's just fine because that just might give those people the spring to get some of that for themselves.

    Trust him. If you become too clingy and desperate, he'll make you know, and since he seems so considerate and smitten for you, I'm sure he'll be gentle about it. Then, you know where the lines are drawn, not before. Now is the time to deepen.

    Trust your body. Let the "touchy feely" surface in your skin and lose yourself in it. You'll see it may be better to just let your body take control, because even though it has it's dark corners, it usually knows what's best for you.

    Relax. Breathe deeply with your belly. If he calls you in the morning, you can be sure he's taken you with him and he doesn't have to be in front of you to smile because of you [did that make sense?].

    Good luck. *I'm* green with envy.
  3. immure

    immure Account Closed

    i think its ok not to care for public affection. everything in its time. i feel that being able to just be around and hold on in a different sence. i hate feeling to much of the external world. i try to not let my body run things do to my extreemnesses inside. true skizms(will never shave my head again on that note). wild to think we should think departmentaly. to me true individualizm is needs to be honest and hidden rules need to be spoken. like not holding hands in public doesn t mean i don t love. tranqulity on caffine this is what i have managed to come to. pull urself in. don t give people so much power that incomplete sentances can break your day. develop more passions. might even come to replacing harming.
  4. Random

    Random Well-Known Member

    I think it's perfectly normal to have some self-doubt and be "clingy" to a certain extent when you love someone and you're afraid you might lose them, somehow. I think everyone has experienced this.

    As far as how to stop? That's a tough one because what you're up against is yourself. When you're convinced that something bad is going to happen or you're going to lose someone, it's usually the case that you've convinced yourself that this is going to happen. And once you've convinced yourself, nothing anyone else can say or do is going to convince you otherwise unless you can learn to trust what they're saying. And that can be hard. Is he trustworthy? Is there any reason you shouldn't believe what he says?