How to stop instrusive suicidal thoughts?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by DannyBoy, Dec 6, 2010.

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  1. DannyBoy

    DannyBoy Well-Known Member

    I don't know why I'm getting them, I'm not actively suicidal atm. Today was actually a decent day. Felt ok. About as close to content as I'll ever feel.

    And I had the thought that I needed to shave, followed closely by the thought of slitting my throat with the razor. And once my OCD picked up on it I started getting anxious about it.

    I thought I was getting better so why do I keep having these thoughts? I don't really want to do it at this point.

    Suicide is a conscious decision right? There's no way the subconscious can "make" you suicide right? Or can it?

    I figured some people here might have some techniques that gets them away from that line of thinking.
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 6, 2010
  2. Kaos General

    Kaos General Well-Known Member

    Got an xbox or a ps3? Play on that. Go get your favourite music play it at full volume so you cant think. Do something you enjoy and keep doing it. Thing with ssuicidal thoughts eventually they will go
  3. dragonfly70

    dragonfly70 Well-Known Member

    Hi DannyBoy -

    I understand how distressing the intrusive thoughts can be - I haven't had intrusive thoughts of suicide, but I did have postpartum OCD. I had awful intrusive thoughts about harming my children after my second child was born. It was like this picture sort of came into my head. The thoughts were very startling and upsetting and made me question my sanity. I don't remember exactly when they stopped, but after a while I was able to consciously put some distance between the thoughts and my emotions and eventually they went away. Sort of said to myself, "well, that was interesting...moving on now..." whenever they came up. It was extremely unsettling before I was able to do that, though.

    And, no, your subconscious cannot "make" you suicide. I haven't followed any of your other posts, but have you been suicidal recently? I don't typically get the sudden, out-of-the-blue suicidal thoughts or images unless I am actively suicidal. You said you weren't suicidal now, but how long has it been since you were? It could take a little while before the thoughts go away. Has it been just when shaving or at other times also? If it is only happening during certain activities, or when thinking about certain activities, you may be able to adjust things a bit to help you get through it until it goes away. One of the worst times for me when I had the postpartum OCD was when I was bathing my children. I always had someone with me while I bathed them and it helped.

  4. DannyBoy

    DannyBoy Well-Known Member

    Ya, what you described is just like my ocd but I can't seem to walk away from the obsessions quite that easily, especially when they cause anxiety for me. I've also had the fear of hurting someone close to me.

    I've been suicidal somewhat over the last 3 months, and kind of recovering with meds. It's gotten a little better.
  5. dragonfly70

    dragonfly70 Well-Known Member

    I'm glad to hear that the medications have helped, even if just a little. Do you mind if I ask what meds you are taking for it?

    I know what you mean about the anxiety. It wasn't until after I had recovered that I finally learned about postpartum OCD and the fact that the thoughts made me feel anxious was a good indicator that I wouldn't actually act on them. It's actually an over-active protective instinct kicking in. The "what if this happens" sort of thing. Only it goes into overdrive and the person sees themselves committing the horrible act, which scares the heck out of them even more. It terrified me to the point that I went to extreme measures to try to protect my kids. It sounds like you at least have an idea of what may be causing the thoughts, so that's half the battle. Have you been struggling with OCD for a while now?
  6. DannyBoy

    DannyBoy Well-Known Member

    I've had a rather extreme anxiety problem my whole life. In fact I'd say I fall under any anxiety issue you can think of.

    I think when I was more active I had less of an OCD issue growing up, but it's always been there.

    OCD + panic attacks. That's what I imagine hell being like. Luckily there's meds to stop the panic.
  7. VCircle

    VCircle Active Member

    I have the thoughts with me all the time without realising it. I distract myself and use the internet to research things and to delay, delay, delay. Maybe i should make a mantra that is distract, divert and delay. Keep saying that in my mind. DDD.

    It wasn't until i came to this site that I have felt more comfortable with my thoughts. It isn't discussed in public and therapists might understand a bit - but no one knows what is going on inside your head. You guys have the best understanding.

    I am disturbed by what I think of. How can a functioning person one minute - then jump to a suicidal thought the very next minute.
  8. CatherineC

    CatherineC Staff Alumni

    This may sound ridiculous but a lot of those thoughts may be sheer habit. You're so used to having them that you continue to have them when you're better. That's happened to me in the past and I had to 'unlearn' the negative behaviour pattern. Now I can tell when it's just 'the habit' and when I'm ill
    Distraction works, as does acknowledging the thought and then 'sending it away'. Mantra's are also good. I can suggest a Mantra for you if you like
  9. Arthur

    Arthur Account Closed

    I've been experiencing deep suicidal thoughts this summer, then it went away for a while now it's back in a fullblown psychosis.
    There's a voice inside my head telling me to end my life, it's very dominant most of the time when i'm at work.
    The act of suicide scares me quite a lot, although the relief it may bring obsesses me.
    I'm obsessed by my own death.
    I'm depressed all the time, i never took antidepressants i hope those might work.
    I think not finding a place in society and loneliness are the cause of my suicidal thoughts.
  10. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    i'm feeling much better too, but still have random thoughts. they are worse when i'm on the subway platform. i find myself thinking about jumping. i think it's habit. for a long time i was obsessed with suicide. it's hard to let go of the thoughts even though the crisis has passed.

    to deal i talk to myself alot. i tell myself "no, you don't want to do that" and i try and stand somewhere safe. i remind myself that i want to live. i tell myself that the feeling will pass and that i don't have to act on it.
  11. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    I agree with many of the other posters; distract yourself immediately. Do this every time and it should become less common.

    The subway platform often gets me, too, even though it's been months since suicidal thoughts otherwise. I'm not sure if it's habit or prophylactic: it's easy in that situation and I'd never have a worry again.
  12. VCircle

    VCircle Active Member

    I was like this 13 years ago when I was in a bout of severe depression and did heaps of meds and CBT and recovered. Had a few low times since.

    The suicidal thoughts were always present. it was like a little *thing* that sat on my shoulder, say, that was there - a part of my history. When I thought of the thoughts - i would think back and celebrate how far I had come. I would respect that I had got so low but had recovered.

    They never went away - they were there but packaged up.

    Now they are out and playing again.

    I am not sure it is a habit. But I will listen to what others say about it and learn and see if it is really that.

    I think at the moment if I was sedated all night at 9pm and didn't have to think - then I would be a lot better. Night time is EVIL.

    Then again during the day I can see something and my brain can be set off. I make myself see all the good things - my kids, my life bla bla bla - and instead of that making me feel grateful - it makes me want to punish myself for feeling UNGRATEFUL and wanting to throw it away.

    Do you guys understand this?
  13. CatherineC

    CatherineC Staff Alumni

    I do. I've suffered from depression for most of my life and have been diagnosed as BiPolar. I had to accept that its part of me and never really goes away. It was a hard thing to accept but once I did, I started to learn coping mechanisms etc and how to make the best of it.
    I learnt a lot about learned behaviour patterns and how easy it is to form habits. We get so used to doing something that we continue to do it - like having suicidal thoughts even when you're getting well.
    I had to learn how to not do that anymore.
    However, I also had to learn how to recognise when I was getting ill. It took me years (and I'm not exaggerating).
    I had to see the difference between doing something because it was a habit or doing something because I was getting ill again. It's not that hard to do. If you have thoughts of suicide and then think, 'don't be so stupid you don't want to die' then you're thinking of suicide out of habit.
    If you think about suicide and then think about it some more, and then in more detail and actually you're thinking about it for a good part of the day (or night) then you may well be dipping back into depression and it's time to see the doctor.
    Does that make sense to you?
  14. VCircle

    VCircle Active Member

    That makes a huge load of sense to me. Also made me realise how bad I was these past few weeks because i was thinking about it intensely and in great detail. Thanks for posting your thoughts on it, it has helped.

    I went to a doctor last Friday and I am on medication now so I should be feeling improved soon. Very hard to go back on meds but I know I have to.

    I also got some sleeping tablets to stop the insomnia. Helping a bit.
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