Can I went here where it belong? I need to. Please. Thank you.
I am happy if he keeps me out of there because I have to learn without what he represent to me. First when I think I get what I needed I was happy and thought I can do it, I can stop it now. But on this moment I am going to feel suicical because he was who keeps me alive and waiting tomorrow.
I know I have to find something where remove my focus but is it hard to find something. My lungs just burn and my arms hurt and I find breathing very hard. I want to cut and I do not know how I can live without my daily him.
I do not like life and I do not have friends and I cannot talk to anyone. I am f*n loser and I cry again. I miss him so much, that is f*n ridiculous to love someone and miss someone whom I knew only from the net but it just is like this. 1,5 years....... I loved him 1,5 f*n years.... all the time I also knew I am going to lost him some day but I just needed him. I needed to love him because he could not run away. He was always there and I was always there.
Now he is there and I am not. What I am going to do? Do I miss him always thinking he is there? Do I want to go always there because he is there? Do I forget him if I find new obsession or can I train my brains that I do not have to need obsession anymore.
I felt he let me loved him. And it happend kind of safe environment. So what... Now I know what it could be when someone accept something what I feel. It made good for me and it had to become end. Let it be end. I can always think him as good, right? Without suffering and missing him, just remember all good things at him?
I know I lost all people of my life so I can learn take those pity pieces which life give for me and keep them as my treasure?
I cannot.................. It just makes me want more something what I cannot ever get.