How to tell my friend....

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by lost43215, Jan 17, 2009.

  1. lost43215

    lost43215 Well-Known Member

    I have a friend (who is a girl) whom ive been friends with for a few months now. Just last month, we decided to start and see if we were attracted to one another and go dating... but we would just go naturally and let things progress that way. We then became "friends with benefits" (friends but with sex too), which began with her. She isn't the type of person to just sleep with any guy, so (as she even said) I was special to her. I wasnt too comfy with the idea at first, mostly because I had past relationships that started this way and it didnt turn out good in the end. There are definately different feelings with her than with my past girlfriends, but im finding from over the past few days that I don't think we would make good boyfriend/girlfriend material.

    So, now I want to discontinue developing our relationship and go back to being just regular friends. Problem is... I dont know how to tell her. She's more of a dominating girl, likes things done her way. Ive been her best sexual partner to date, which will make it hard to stop that part of it. I even get the feeling that she wants sex everytime we do something at her house (ie watch a movie, etc.) and she calls me up or complains that we dont spend enough time together to get me to do stuff with her. She was also really sad before all this started because she hadnt been in a relationship in so long.

    I just have a bad feeling that if I tell her I dont think we'd be good together, to stop having sex and go back to the way things were, she'd get really depressed for a long time and I would ruin her life maybe. I know she has stronger feelings for me since she's been trying to be closer and see me more, but I dont share those feelings.

    How do I tell her I want to go back to the way things were?
  2. Geffi

    Geffi Member

    This is a tricky thing. And there's really no special answer.
    From personal experience you just gotta sit down, and talk with her about it, take it slow and tell her about how you feel, and you think it works bether with the two of you just being friends.
    Hopefully someone else can help you a bit more than I can on this one :)
  3. icerain

    icerain Well-Known Member

    this is a very difficult situation. in my opinion, the truth is always best, but it can also be a burden. you do have options.
    1. try introducing a new friend who may be of interest to her, and steer the attention away from you.
    2. talk to her and tell her you would rather not spend time at her place, but would like to go out in public more to continue the friendship. this eleviates (hopefully) the intimacy issue a bit.
    3. talk to her and tell her you want to be her friend, but not with benefits anymore.
    4. cut off the relationship completely for both of you (may have to be done if she rejects the idea of just being friends without benefits).

    it is not wise to make her dependant on you if you are not willing to be there, so it is best not to keep going down this path you are on if you are not able to reciprocate.

    don't know how much this is helpful to you, but i wish you well
  4. lost43215

    lost43215 Well-Known Member

    for sure... id tell her the truth though... it's just how i would word it, it's so hard... i really dont want to hurt her feelings...
  5. cinZamurai

    cinZamurai Well-Known Member

    The thing here is that sex creates a chemical that is the same as the one that gets released in a womens body when they have a baby. This is natures way of making sure you bond with one another. It seems she might have bonded with you, if so you are shit out of luck, pain cant be avoided all together and she will feel rejected and abandon.

    There is a way to stay friends. I guess its up to personal types and if she finds another one to bond with. It will probably take some time if it will work at all. You will have to leave her alone if she needs space at that period.

    In the end It all comes down to how strong her feelings are and what her expectations and hopes where before you broke the news.

    I wish you the best and hope that things work out in the best possible way for you both.
  6. Entoloma43

    Entoloma43 Well-Known Member

    Things can't go back to the way things were. You can't rewind to the past as if nothing happened.
  7. hammockmonkey

    hammockmonkey Well-Known Member

    it's done. If you're good enough friends then you can still be friends, if not-ain't nothing you can do. Sorry.
  8. cinZamurai

    cinZamurai Well-Known Member

    Yepp Iv seen it happen too, its rare but it happens. My best friend got dumpt and are now a good friend with his ex. He have a new gf and things are going great. It wasn't easy but its definable possible.