How to tell my parents I am not bigender

Discussion in 'LGBTQIA (New Forum)' started by seidhr_the_cheese, Apr 28, 2016.

  1. About November I told my mum I was bigender and in late February my dad also knew.
    My mum believed it to be a hormonal phase I was going through but I insisted it was not. I realise now it was. At the time I had just started university, was homesick, stressed, anxious, depressed, and as a result my hormones were everywhere. I hated being female and wanted to be male, but not all the time.
    Now I would better describe myself as androgynous with female leanings.
    I want some advice on how to tell my mum and dad that my male persona is pretty much non-existent now and that now that my hormones have calmed down and the stresses of starting uni are gone I have come to realise that bigender is not who I am - but I don't want it to come across to my parents or friends that I said I was bigender for attention. I honestly felt that way at the time but no longer do.
     
  2. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Don't worry about labels. Just be yourself and why are you putting yourself in a cookie cutter mold? You are a human being foremost with a free spirit and limiting yourself with labels is just going to drive one crazy.

    Do what makes you happy. Why make it others business and what's the hurry about it all? They can see for themselves if they were really friends they'll accept you for whatever you are at the moment that makes you happy. Why the urge to defend or explain your decisions. Its your body and your choice not theirs.

    Older we get, we change. We are not the same person we were thousands footsteps ago weren't we?

    Cheers
     
  3. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    Honesty is my best advice, just tell them how you feel, and how you felt.

    Gender identity can be very confusing, and I think a lot of people go through some identity struggle through their life, especially when young; while some actually find they are wrong in a wrong body or might be bigender. I think it's important to find yourself, and I think you did that. There's nothing wrong with having found yourself. It's a process.

    If your parents were supportive before, as long as you are honest I am sure they still will be!
     
  4. hereigoagain

    hereigoagain Member

    I am wondering why you feel the need to explain anything to her? You have explained the biggy and all was fine. I mean this with complete compassion, but why do you need to explain again? As a bi-gender pansexual I only explain the once, things might change - and for me they often do. Leave things as they are and if she asks then just say ..right now I am here.

    Good luck
     
    seidhr_the_cheese likes this.
  5. moxman

    moxman Well-Known Member

    Honestly, I think Reddit, would be a much better source of information about this subject. They have very big communities of every sexual orientation. Maybe you could go there, and find a community you fit in with? Maybe they will be able to support you in ways we can't here.

    Wishing you the best
     
  6. Growing Pains

    Growing Pains Well-Known Member

    Gender can be fluid. Life in general can be. I have come out many times, as many things, because my sexuality and gender have been fluid. This is especially common in some personality disorders (borderline personality disorder comes to mind). If you feel like you have to tell them it has passed, go ahead. Just tell them you think it was the stress. I'm sure they'll understand.
     
    brightlight likes this.
  7. avalanchefan95

    avalanchefan95 Well-Known Member

    Hey there, I'm with the others here - I wouldn't really feel the need to explain this to your folks again. You may feel the leanings to the other direction again and then you'll be explaining AGAIN later and really confuse them. If it comes up later on in conversation then you can just say that you were feeling kind of male and now you're not feeling as much that way these days. Just keep it on the reserve, so to speak. Your parents are there to back you up and that's very cool and ultra important.

    You might learn all kinds of shit out about yourself at university anyway so don't go slamming the lid down on your label box quite yet. :) Hang in there, good luck.