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How to tell somebody you've never spoken to before that you like them.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Avarice, Mar 14, 2011.

  1. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    I'm in a bit of a situation right now. I like somebody who used to go to my old Sixth Form (college) and we have a lot of mutual friends in common; we've even hung around occasionally (if you can call sitting in the same area with a bunch of mutual friends and barely taking any notice in eachother 'hanging out'), but now it's two years since then and I've just randomly realised that I now like this guy.

    So, pathetic as I am, I looked at his facebook a few times and it showed that he has a formspring, so I asked him a question anonymously asking if he'd want to know if somebody liked him, even if it was somebody he doesn't even know, and he said, "Why not? The worst that could happen is making a new friend".

    Thus, my situation. How on earth do I tell him? I no longer see him in real life as I left Sixth Form two years ago and he's in his final year there now (he's two years younger than me) and messaging him on Facebook just feels so stupid, especially since I have no idea what I'd even say. "Hi, I'm the one who asked that silly question on your formspring?" We've never even spoken a word to eachother! But since I don't see him that often in real life and don't have his number or anything, Facebook is pretty much the only option I have.

    So, how do I do this? D= I doubt he even remembers my name. In fact, I don't think he ever even knew it in the first place. :laugh:
  2. Stormrider

    Stormrider Well-Known Member

    a lot of people use facebook to look for people from their past work, school, old friends,etc. just to have a chat again so i don't think he'd mind if you start talking a bit on facebook with him.

    Trying to help but i'm a failure at being social myself so i'm just saying what i'm thinking :)
  3. Prinnctopher's Belt

    Prinnctopher's Belt Antiquities Friend SF Supporter

    Since you barely know this person and he barely can think of who you are, I wouldn't suggest saying anything even close to "I like you" to this person as your introduction -- because you barely know him currently.

    I'd start with a little reminder of the last time the two of you were in each other's company. Think of the last time you saw him? Were you two in a club (organization)? Hanging around? Shared classes? What were you doing? Bring that up to refresh his memory, and let him know that you're "just trying to get in touch with some old acquaintances from back when you were in college," and that you just happened to remember him "through a random conversation with an old friend of mine." Is he in your town? Nearby? Is it convenient for the two of you to meet up or go out with friends together? Is he "available" (single)? What are his career goals? These aren't things you'd wanna get into this early, but you can find out on his Facebook page if the two of you become friends on there. Request him to be your friend and see what happens. Find a fun, non-romantic, non-awkward-provoking event and invite him with a couple of friends so that it's casual.

    Coming out to someone you haven't contacted and who hasn't contacted you in two years and saying "Hey I like you" just gives the appearance of desperation, and it's somewhat creepy and puts the person in an awkward position. Make it known that you'd like to get re-acquainted with him sometime and find friends, but drop all the "liking" at least until you have an ounce of information about him and see if there's an attraction from his side first. Otherwise, it's a "friendzone" catastrophe.

    Good luck. :hugtackles:
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 15, 2011
  4. mulberrypie

    mulberrypie Well-Known Member

    bake him cupcakes
  5. Sleek220

    Sleek220 Banned Member

    Next Message.
  6. Sleek220

    Sleek220 Banned Member

    Lollipop your inbox is full.
  7. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    I can see what you mean, though the last time we saw eachother I don't entirely remember all that well but the most it ever could have been was sitting with mutual friends in the common room at school, and we'd both pretty much barely talk, even to other people. So I'd just be saying, "Hey, remember when we used to sit in the common room and barely talk?" and he'd most likely say no. D=

    I see what you mean entirely though. It's best to get to know him as a friend before ever putting that kind of pressure on any future friendship we may have with eachother. Even with just getting to know eachother as friends would make thing strained enough seeing as we barely knew eachother back then let alone now, two years on.

    He does indeed live relatively close by, at least walking distance as far as I'm aware and is currently available. I'm thinking along the lines of just adding him and sending a message explaining why (we have a lot of friends in common, I remember him from college, we seem to have a lot in common) and see what he says. If he's just like, "alright, cool" then I'll just leave it at that.

    Thanks for the luck, and the help to those who posted. I hate it when I get random crushes on people I barely even know!! >_<
  8. Socialman

    Socialman Well-Known Member

    You don't do anything because they will tear out your heart. They will rip it out and throw it on the ground. They will lie about you, and treat you poorly. They will claim your three text messages in one year is annoying, despite not cursing, lying, being too romantic, joking or anything really. Whatever you do, do not apologize for anything. They see it as a way to step on you, and justify it as being even more annoying. There is no cool down period. There is no starting over or being friends, despite them pretending to understand on the outside. Run away as fast as you can before they hurt you. You don't deserve that kind of treatment.
  9. mulberrypie

    mulberrypie Well-Known Member

    sleek, pmed you
  10. mulberrypie

    mulberrypie Well-Known Member

  11. yous

    yous Well-Known Member

    I agree with this, but what do you do if you still want to get in touch with them and tell them eventually you like them?
  12. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    So I sent the person a message and basically said, hey, you most likely don't remember me but I used to go to the same school.. blahblahblah. Anyway, he replied for a while, then just stopped entirely. I'm not sure if he felt the conversation had come to a natural close or if he just thought I was boring or what?

    Do I send another message, and if so, say what? Or just let it go and never talk to him again? I don't want to appear desperate but at the same time I really like this guy and don't want to leave things entirely alone.
  13. yous

    yous Well-Known Member

    When you say, he stopped entirely, do you mean you messaged him several times again and he never replied to them? I hate people like this. So ignorant and destructive.

    How long between times has it been since you sent the messages. My advice (since I'm going through the exact same thing you are), is wait a week, expect nothing when you message him one more time. If he doesn't reply, move on.

    PM and we can discuss this, because it can be complicated and I'm going through the same thing.
  14. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I wouldn't put too much into what I'm about to say, because my track record with relationships isn't pretty.

    If you're talking to him on Facebook, maybe try to find ways of interacting with him? Post on his wall, comment on some of the things he says ... stuff like that.
  15. Escapist

    Escapist Well-Known Member

    You can't say it's ignorant and destructive. The person in question might be busy, doing his homework or just not be around. These things should be taken in consideration, when someone takes it's time on a reply. Waiting isn't nice, especially when every minute seems to be an hour, but that doesn't mean the person is ignoring you.

    This is most likely your best bet. Alternatively you could ask for MSN, Skype or Yahoo, to make conversing easier.
  16. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the advice everyone, it helps. =]

    I messaged him again yesterday acting as though I'd forgotten to ask him something (which I had) and he replied again and we got talking a bit more, but as soon as I stop asking him questions it's like he see's it as the conversation is over. If I ask something, he'll reply, but if I don't he doesn't. Should I take that as to mean he's not at all interested and is only replying out of politeness?

    I'll try interacting a bit more, but I can't see it getting me very far. It doesn't help that I feel like a complete and utter loser every time I talk to him cause I talk about the most boring stuff. >.<
  17. Escapist

    Escapist Well-Known Member

    Maybe look for some things you have in common? I'm not really familiar with Facebook and the likes myself, but it shouldn't be too difficult to find out? Anyhow. If you find something that you have in common or see something that caught your interest you could base your questions on the acquired information.

    It probably takes some effort, but what doesn't nowadays?
  18. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    I know what we have in common - quite a lot really - and I mentioned to him that we seemed to have a fair bit in common, but didn't question him on any of it directly. I don't really know how. In the end though he'd just answer my question and that's it. I don't want to pester anybody or force him to talk to me, so if he'd rather not maybe it's best I just leave it.

    On top of that if I send yet another message out of the blue after he ignored my previous reply he'd think I was some desperate loser or something.
  19. Escapist

    Escapist Well-Known Member

    Maybe give him some time to reply. Atleast until next week?
    If he hasn't replied by then, you could try and send another message. Perhaps to ask him for one of the messengers ; MSN, Yahoo etc, to make things run more smoothly? Alternatively you could just message him about the things the two of you have in common, since you didn't question him on it. Maybe that will trigger his interest.

    Don't give up when things seem to be going downhill. Rome wasn't build in one day either. ^_^
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 2, 2011
  20. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    He most definitely isn't going to reply, since he's been on and posted updates and commented on other peoples statuses, etc., so I know that for sure. I don't want to appear desperate though and look like I'm clutching at straws to keep him talking.

    Bleh. It's all so stupidly complicated. He's nothing like me anyway; goes out clubbing and all that which is the complete opposite of me so we'd probably bore eachother rigid anyway.

    Thanks for the advice though~ Appreciate it.