How to undo the damage?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Detergent, Jan 5, 2012.

  1. Detergent

    Detergent Member

    There's someone very important to me, and... Well, we've argued a lot, and he always tends to say hurtful things and not really care, and I've forgiven him for that when he's truly sorry. But now, I've been the one to do something hurtful, and he's refusing to forgive me.

    A few weeks ago, we'd had a big argument. He was saying things that... I won't go into, but were extremely hurtful. Eventually I snapped and started harming myself. We were talking via IM - despite my pleas to talk in a more personal way, like on the phone - but when he realised what I was doing, it changed to over webcam. I was really drunk, and had taken some diazepam I'd found in the house, and really was not thinking straight. I told him how hurtful he was, how much I'd given up to make him happy, whereas he kept using me and then ditching me. I told him it was because of him hurting me that I was so upset. I just lost it and blamed him for all the pain he'd caused me.
    Suddenly he started listening and acting all sympathetic (He'll never listen to me until he pushes me too far), and then, since he'd finished hurling insults, we had a proper talk and started to work things through.

    Suddenly though, he's saying he refuses to be close with me anymore, because I made him feel guilty - for what I did that night, and for other suicide attempts which he knew about. I told him I was now trying to get better, and that perhaps we could be close again when I've started to improve. He still refuses. He says he doesn't want to be supportive of me either, because it's not his job to care.

    I'm not saying I did a good thing, or that it's his fault, or anything like that. What I did was bad. I just want to make it right. But how can I when he won't let me undo the damage I've caused? I just want to set things right again. I don't want to think that he's distancing himself from me and it's all my fault and there's nothing I can do.

    Even though he's often hurtful to me, I don't want to lose him. I hate that I care so much about him. I just don't know what to do.

    Please help.
  2. Void_reality

    Void_reality Member

    unfortunately this situation is all too familiar to me, i have witnessed it many times with friends and relatives and it always ends the same way. when a relationship gets to the point where u feel the need to harm yourself or actually bring yourself to harm, its very rare that u will find someone willing to put up with it even if they are the cause of it as no-one wants to feel responsible for a loved one being hurt, instead they find it easier to emotionally back out of the relationship and move on, especially if they are mentally stable as stable people dont want to be around someone who will depress them even if they do love them they will only hang around untill they can no longer deal with the situation. From my experience and knowledge everytime a female has threatened to harm or has harmed themselves the male has always gone running, so my advise to u would be to either find another outlet for ur stress or stop seeing someone who makes u feel like shit.

    Im sorry if this dont help you but its true