How will they respond?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Nadzeya, Aug 3, 2014.

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  1. Nadzeya

    Nadzeya Member

    Ive been just emotionally distressed for a really long time. I was a serious cutter befor i got caught and ive attempted over dose after my boyfriend broke up with me (ik typical teenage senario :( ). But 2 months later i got with together with this amazing guy and ive been super happy with him and i feel amazing and special.......but the feeling is comeing back. Im starting to long for my blades and im starting to think about my death all the time now. I struggle with depression and its just soooo bad bu my mom doesnt believe me. I seriously want to end my life i just believe that 1. My dad doesnt care since he left 2. My mom has 3 other kids besides me and she can help them more with one less person to feed and cloth 3. My sisters dont like me half the time or just dont respect me 4. My boyfriend and friends deserve a better person and im not it. He needs a happy pretty girl not a scarred up depressed one. Im just starting to drown again and idk how everyone would react if i finally went under...
     
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hello and welcome. I do not think the break up suicide attempt can simply be put down to a typical teenage thing. Tbh, I do not think people understand just how bad a break up can affect someone. A guy from my town committed suicide 4 years ago after his girlfriend broke up with him. He was in his 30's, a nice guy(I didn't know him well-but I know people who did), he was married with a child and I guess he just could not cope despite being given medication allegedly. Anyway, you didn't state how old you are exactly? Can you get help without worrying your mom or boyfriend, or even tell them that you're just feeling low so you will have some support and lastly I will say, your boyfriend wouldn't be with you if he didn't like you, so you obviously do make him happy, now you just have to concentrate on making yourself happy, again...welcome =)
     
  3. Nadzeya

    Nadzeya Member

    Im 15 currently almost 16 and last time i went for help my mom found out and she was pissed off and just......it was really bad and she didnt belive me cause the show i put on for her i guess made me look perfectly happy. And if i tell my boyfriend hes gonna get upset. When he found out i used to cut he actually started crying in front of me and made me promise i woulndt do it again. At this point im scared to tell him my thought cause thats why the other guy left me......i was full of depression and suicidal idk what to do and like i said im slipping under again
     
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I'm 25 now and basically have been, mentally unstable for more than a decade so I have some experience in this. Yes-people do get scared when they hear of cutting,depression,suicide ... I personally think it's a mixture of not understanding and the stigma that surrounds it. When I look back to when I was 15, I should have got help and just maybe I would not have put my family through so much regarding suicide attempts and putting myself through so much and taking medications for years on end just to feel somewhat normal. I do know that there are medications that can be given to under 18's, hmm do you have any older siblings you could talk to? Or maybe another relative?
     
  5. Nadzeya

    Nadzeya Member

    Since my dad married befor my mom once i do have older siblings but my brothers havnt talked to me in years and my one sister thinks i should be occupied more to help me and i havent talked to my other sister and my sister inlaw was there for a little bit.....and gave me a suicide hotline # and i think she told my dad. And i havent talkes to any other relatives about this
     
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Okay... so your sister in law knew you were feeling that down. Is there any way you could get in touch with her again? If she gave you a number to a suicide hotline that at least shows she cares about you some bit.
     
  7. Empoisonner

    Empoisonner Member

    Honesty is best. Your mother is most likely in shock and denial about it all.

    When parents find out about their children being in pain, They tend to ask themselves, and even you sometimes, questions like

    "Who did this?"
    "What did I do wrong?"
    "How could this happen?"

    not to mention statements like.

    "This isn't real, it isn't true."
    "But I thought everything was okay."
    "You were okay... I thought you were. You seemed fine the day before."
    "I failed."

    So don't blame her completely. Depression and pain is hard to cope with, but what many people don't notice is that it affects those who love you as well. She just needs to understand that it wasn't her fault, and you need to understand that as well, a lot of times people will misplace anger.

    Just have a sit down with your family or just your mother.. tell them/her how you feel in a poised fashion, being straight to the point, as emotions are viewed subjectively and what you view as normal can be viewed as dramatic to someone else.

    You just have to be honest with everyone. Hiding doesn't just hurt you, it hurts everyone around you too in the end.
     
  8. Nadzeya

    Nadzeya Member

    But that was forever ago. And like my big question is how would people in my life react. Like ik the common they would be devistated and lost and hurt and stuff.......but i dont see it that way so i wanna know from guys who lost their girlfriends to suivide howvthey feel or how parents and siblings feel when they lose their oldest sibling. I feel worthless and like my one life in the billions of others wouldnt matter if it died
     
  9. Empoisonner

    Empoisonner Member

    I lost my best friend to suicide. He was like a brother and it was horrible to lose him the way I did.

    I still have years worth of therapy and honestly I have a mental breakdown once every few weeks because I can't handle my own emotions.

    I want him to come home. I want it so damn bad.

    But he died on that highway. And I can never change that.

    Death is finality. it is the swan song that carries on the breeze that is a soul ceasing to spark.

    But the pain it causes never leaves.
     
  10. Nadzeya

    Nadzeya Member

    But pain lessens and becomes dull the more you bring it up. I used to listen to this song that brought every single emotion out of the most hidden parts of me and i just sobed and felt pain and eventually i felt nothing. Doesnt that happen or is it jus me?
     
  11. Empoisonner

    Empoisonner Member

    Lessen isn't the right word.

    It never leaves you. You just become more callous and numb to it.
    At least that is what happened to me.
     
  12. Nadzeya

    Nadzeya Member

    When i think of the effects my death might have i think
    1. My boyfriend will actually find a perfect girl who doesnt get horribly depressed and who doesnt have scars
    2. My mom would be able to help my sisters more
    3. My friends wouldnt have to always get dragged down by my depression and they would have a chance to move on and find better people than me.

    I cant be honest with my mom......shes just the type of person where it will turn into a fight if i try to tell her :/ im going down i almost dont want to but my life will hurt people more if i stay than if i go (thats just how i see it)
     
  13. Nadzeya

    Nadzeya Member

    I dont know how to go about getting help without anyone knowing
     
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