How would a forum like this help someone? What have you accomplished from being here

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by Unintentionally_Alone, May 8, 2014.

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  1. Depressed suicidal people are getting advice from other depressed suicidal people, am I the only that see's what's wrong with this?
    It'd be a different story if someone who got over their depression & suicidal thoughts was the one helping others.

    This forum isn't going to cure anyone of their depression, we're still going to be mentally miserable for the rest of our lives.
    Anyone who has come to the point that they need to use this forum over talking to people IRL is already screwed by that point.
    I'm suicidal, but I know very well that none of you are going to cure it, no amount of therapy will help it, 30 years from now I'll still feel suicidal.

    It pisses me off seeing people who are depressed & suicidal on here, while they have loved ones, children, people who are actually in their lives.
    How about you try being depressed/suicidal while you have no one at all.
    Knowing all this, I realize even if I did have people love me (and not just fake people online pretending to care) I'd still feel suicidal.

    The only option is to put yourself under the delusion that things are better than they are. But. I can't. Do. That. I see everything for how it is, and how it's going to be.
    I can't change my depressing thought process.

    Instead of trying to convince people that they'll get over it by giving them false hope, we should be trying to actively prevent more people from ever reaching the point of depression.
    All the people that are currently active on this forum are still going to be active 5 years from now.
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Re: How would a forum like this help someone? What have you accomplished from being

    I'm curious... what do you feel you'll gain from being here, if your opinion is that depressed people aren't able to help each other? Why did you join? I find it hard to believe you joined for the sole purpose of saying what you did in this thread.

    I completely disagree with your views and have seen lots of people find help and support here. It's similar to a situation where people dealing with specific issues may go to a group therapy session as one form of therapy for those issues. Group settings, where a person knows he or she isn't alone in their feelings and can share with others who feel similarly, can be beneficial. Maybe it's not right for you; I obviously don't know you, and so I have no idea what does or doesn't work for you. But just because it's not something you agree with, doesn't mean it can't help others.

    This forum isn't meant to "cure" anyone; its purpose is to offer peer-to-peer support. Members are encouraged to seek professional help. If that's something you're unclear on, it could be a good idea for you to read the site's guidelines.

    A person can be depressed while having a family, just as much as they can while being alone. No two situations are the same; everyone's dealing with their own set of circumstances that brought them here. You may feel your situation is awful, and it's nobody's right to judge you for that... just as it's not your right to judge people in other situations who may be having similar thoughts or feelings. Just because you feel that a person who has a family has no right to feel the way they do, doesn't make your opinion fact.

    It amuses me that you think everyone who's active now, will still be active 5 years from now. I'm guessing that would mean that everyone who was here 5 years ago should still be active now, and that isn't the case. We get people who drop back in from time to time... some to say things are improving, others who are still struggling. You've made a LOT of generalizations in your thread but have very little to back them up.

    If you'd like to stay and either offer or receive support, you're welcome to; that's what the site is about. But if this site isn't for you, then you can choose not to return. It's obviously up to you.
  3. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    Re: How would a forum like this help someone? What have you accomplished from being

    I think WildCherry made a lot of good points, but I'll respond to your questions, too. Not everyone here is depressed and suicidal, some have lost loved ones through suicide (I'm one of them), and they come here for support, and also to help others. Some people are here just to help. Some were struggling, but they have triumphed over that and they still come here to help people. Then there are those who are still struggling (like me), who seek support and also offer it. I'd rather talk to someone who is depressed and suicidal than someone who isn't. I've tried explaining my situation to people, and I get the usual "Things can't be that bad", "This too shall pass", "There are people a lot worse off than you", etc. So I would rather talk to someone who's in the same boat as me, because they will actually understand.

    Depression can't really be cured, and this forum isn't a substitute for therapy, or medication, or anything like that. We can only help so much, but there are others in real life who can help more. I come here to talk because I don't really have anywhere else to talk about my feelings, and no one else will listen. So I think letting out my emotions and feelings is therapeutic, if anything.

    You said you don't understand why people are suicidal if they have loved ones, but then you went on to say that even if someone loved you, you would still feel suicidal. That's how it is when you're depressed, it's hard to see the good in life, and see that people care about you. I think the worst things about myself, whether or not they are true, because my mind is clouded by the depression. It can be very hard to overcome these feelings at times.

    I don't think people here pretend to care, because people that I know from this forum seem to care more than any of my family members. They don't mock me, make jokes about suicide, make comments and gestures that trigger me, and they support me. I can understand why you think people here might not care, because you may see it as just words on a screen, but there is a real person behind those words, and real emotion. I care about people I reply to, or I would not bother. I've gotten to know people on a personal level, whether through talking here, talking on the phone, and I've even spent time with someone from this site. I know it's not the same as having someone right there with you, but sometimes you can feel less alone just by knowing someone is on the other end listening.

    If people are here for years, I see that as a good thing, not because they are still suicidal or depressed, or because things have not improved for them, but because they are still alive. I don't think you would have come here unless you wanted support, or at the very least, to feel less alone. I can understand that you may be skeptical of this site and its purpose, but we are here to help and support each other. If I've offended you with any of this, it was not my intent. If you think I'm an idiot, feel free to disregard this. But if you'd like to talk about anything, feel free to contact me, or post here, or use the chat, or whatever you want to. We are here to listen if you ever do want to talk about what's on your mind.
  4. Hatshepsut

    Hatshepsut Guest

    Re: How would a forum like this help someone? What have you accomplished from being

    Welcome. You are quite correct. It is impossible to obtain effective help regarding suicidal thoughts over the Internet. This kind of help must come face-to-face, in the presence of another human being.

    It seems true that most people using this site have access to professional therapy or at least to informal help from loved ones, but there are exceptions. I have limited access to these resources, for example, because I am uninsured and old enough that many of the people I knew have moved on or died by now. But I am still here.

    You are welcome to write here. Exactly how you feel. Doing this will not offend.

    I will not pretend to care about you personally--I would be a liar. I don't ask that you care about me. The idea of care at an intimate level about a stranger is a fantasy. I think I care about suicide and depressed people in general, since I'm struggling with similar issues.

    Inability to offer concrete help shouldn't impugn the setting up of a website like this. It does have a statement of purpose, which may boil down to providing something to do while feeling depressed or contemplating suicide. Most forum users do avoid suggesting that things are better than they are. They won't predict that life situations will improve in future when in fact the situations may grow worse over time. No one really holds such knowledge about another person, or about the future.

    I freely concede not all the users are honest, as can be expected with a website open to the public without source verifications. But again, you are welcome to share here, or not, as you see fit. Either way, may all the best luck on Earth come to you in your efforts.
  5. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    Re: How would a forum like this help someone? What have you accomplished from being

    Evening. I can understand how you can have this impression. I used to suffer from depression and one of the main things that depressed me for so long was the loneliness. Forums like this one gives a lonely soul a place to meet others. Isolation and suicide are a bad combination. Especially; when you feel like you have no one in the entire world to share your pain with. Everyone here tries to offer some kind of comfort for one another. While it will not cure depression; it can sure help to have someone to relate to. There are genuine people here that truly care. I have seen people leave on a good note. Those who have found hope and left to start their lives anew. Others have found hope and stay to share some encouragement with others as well. Why not give it a shot and stay a while? You are being heard, and you have a voice here. Share your burdens, and troubles. You are not alone. :hug:
  6. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    Re: How would a forum like this help someone? What have you accomplished from being

    Hi. Welcome to SF.

    Now what i'm gonna say may sound rather harsh (and if it does - then it's purely a perspective difference.)

    How you can have the audacity to mention that those who have people in their lives cannot be depressed or suicidal because it pisses you off is a mystery. Is it not possible that some of those people in their lives could be the reason the people are suicidal in the first place?

    Also - how you can suggest that your situation is worse, without knowing background stories of others as to why they've ended up in the way they have?

    The thing with depressed/suicidal people helping each other - is there is more likelihood of understanding, not necessarily identical situations but less judgemental characteristics can come through - and more supportive approaches, leaving there being a slightly less "lonely" side of things. You also failed to consider that there are those who may be active here, have tried enough times to be socially accepted but always found left wanting or on the outside - so they've ended up resorting to online communication (opens up global communications instead of just localised) - and although it's not the most ideal starting point - I have actually found myself a partner through which there are multiple things we have in common - and even though I have not experienced what she has - I have been prepared to be supportive as much as I can. To this day (over 2 years since first contact) - we are developing forwards in terms of living although circumstances aren't always kind.

    I have been suicidal - I have lost a family member to suicide (recently enough in January this year) - but does it mean that I want to leave the world? Or does it mean that I am disgruntled at the way life has dealt me lemons to suck? I have a son - 9 years old now - who I haven't seen since just before his 2nd birthday. Isn't that going to hurt in a number of ways?

    This being said - I do concur with what others have said about giving it a chance here. And if people are still active 5 years down the line - however infrequent they visit over that time - they are still alive which is a positive that can be taken given the nature of the beast. Whilst there is no cure directly for depression as it affects a number of people in different ways - there is no doubt that amending personal thought processes can help. Saying things such as "I can't" - is defeatest and negative (a commonplace view when something is a challenge) - but how about thinking of what you can do - rather than what you can't? How about putting a routine in place which involves balanced healthy eating, enough exercise (ie, not sitting online all day) - and giving yourself a long term goal and a plan as to how to achieve it?

    The way I see it now, is life is there to be lived. It may not run smoothly (most depressed/suicidal folks its got more bumps than a mountain range) - but we're all gonna die one way or another anyway. Why not make the most of what we can do out of our lives instead of self-terminating because things have gone against us? Examples I can use - paralympic athletes - (wheelchair marathons/100m sprinters with the metal "legs" ) - or soldiers losing limbs and still finding ways to achieve things? I even happen to know a bloke in person who plays guitar with just one hand (no 2nd arm), and a couple of finger issues - and he still plays it better than I do with 2 hands - nothing is impossible if you want to do whatever it takes to achieve it.
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Re: How would a forum like this help someone? What have you accomplished from being

    Hello there,

    I have to agree with everything wildcherry has posted but wanted to add something extra..

    You claim that everyone that is here now will be here in 5 years time. By that logic everyone that was here 5 years ago is here now. That is definitely not the case. I have lost many friends to suicide or sickness in the past 5 years on this forum. Although I do not know you and I am not here to judge you, not everyone on this forum is suffering mental illness at this time, some have gotten better and are here to help or some are just here to help because of issues they seen in real life(losing someone to suicide etc.) so I personally think you should give this site a chance, many of us have also remained great friends and support for years. With whatever you decide to do-best of luck. But please don't judge until you know and try yourself.
  8. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Re: How would a forum like this help someone? What have you accomplished from being

    Some of us cannot trust people in real life to share our stories so we reach out here in hope that people hear us and understand I came here out of pain of losing someone to suicide and out of abandonment and this place took me in with all my faults and i did not feel so alone so desperate to leave then
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