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How would you feel? *trigger warning*

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Petal, Jun 9, 2015.

  1. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    How would you feel if someone posted up explicit pictures or videos online of you? I see it a lot in the news (its front page today), a boy was conned into doing something sexual and was duped, sadly he committed suicide.

    So my question is, has anyone ever done this to you, if not how would you feel if this was done to you? Would it go as far as making you suicidal?

    I know I'd be ashamed, embarrassed, wouldn't be able to face the world at all and not to mention suicidal. How would you feel if someone even threatened it?

  2. I often did take nude pictures and sent them to my boyfriend. During our relationship, he also convinced me to film sex tapes with him to watch them over later on. He promised that he would not upload them to the internet or show the videos and pictures to anybody else. About a month ago or so, my boyfriend and I had an argument before I went to work and I said some things that problem embarrassed him too much, really personal things that could have emasculated him. The only other being that heard the argument other than him was the dog. After the argument we had, I went to work. When I got home from work, I received a bunch of texts and emails saying that explicit pictures of me had been posted on Facebook. I checked Facebook and sure enough all the images that I ever sent to him of me nude were up there and he uploaded the sex tapes to his Facebook page. Not only did he upload me, but he also tagged me in the videos and photos. This meant that everyone following me automatically saw the videos and images too. Based on the amount of friends and followers, thousands of people saw the videos and photos, includes friends, family, enemies, and complete strangers. It was extremely embarrassing because a lot of people were making comments on them and sharing them. The content also took a long time for it to be deleted. The whole situation was extremely embarrassing. I'm not sure if I could trust another boyfriend with nude photos and videos anymore. When it happened, it was hard to go out because I believed that people would recognize me from the videos and pictures. I wouldn't say that it would make me feel suicidal though. I'm over it though because nobody talks about it, but I have seen my pictures and videos online on other sites though.
  3. Northern

    Northern SF Supporter

    It would be extremely embarassed. I look much better with clothes on. At some points of my life I could have killed myself.

    I remember the 1st time I read about fishing (people who fake having a long distance affair with you to get pictures and then blackmail you). It's something that really could have happened to me. In fact, I probably would have get caugh if I did'nt knew about the process. At many points in my life i really really needed someone and in my case, someone far away was easier.

    Brianna: You could have taken legal actions. It's not legal.
  4. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    Never happened to me before, but it would be pretty hard to deal with. I never sent anyone anything for this reason, even if they said I could trust them, that it would be safe or that they loved me. Because I know that people can turn on you in an instant, so I would rather be safe than sorry.
  5. CGMAngel

    CGMAngel SF Supporter

    Petal, the story of that boy was heartbreaking.

    The worst part is that it is going to happen again...and again...until we start adopting a "punishment-fits-the-crime" approach to eradicating evil actions like this.
  6. Northern

    Northern SF Supporter

    Sadly, in many cases it's people from other countries, mostly asia and West Africa. They do this for a living. In those cases, the only way to prevent it is with education and information. Here in Canada, parents of a teen who killed himself because of it went on tv and everywhere to inform people because the police told them their kid was far from alone.

    For revenge porn and stuff like that, there is more and more laws. I read that in the UK they will make it a serious crime that could lead to 2 years in jail. Governements are always slow but we are getting there.
  7. Dumas

    Dumas Well-Known Member

    I would feel so betrayed and humiliated . I had a boyfriend that tried to get me to make videos , I was always afraid they end up on the wrong hands.
  8. Prinnctopher's Belt

    Prinnctopher's Belt Antiquities Friend SF Supporter

    The rule on the internet regarding pictures of any kind is: if you arent comfortable with your parents, coworkers and the weird guy who trolls everywhere looking for pics to turn onto viral memes, seeing the picture, then dont share it. No exceptions.

    Wise advice is to NEVER, for anyone, not even for your trusted intimate partner, spouse, take nude pictures where you are identifiable in them.

    When and if you break up or divorce, there is usually nothing for you if that person shares those photos which you voluntarily provided. No one is worth putting yourself in that position for, no matter how desperate you are for validation that they like your body. Get validation that they respect your privacy and dont ask you to do such stunts. You may as well just become an erotic actress because at least youd be getting paid for it like a smart business person would do.

    If you are hard headed and still want to send racy pictures to your lover, then make sure your face is not in them.

    Once you willingly give photographs to someone, the pictures become their property and they have the right to do as they please with them. The recipient does not have to agree to be decent and simply delete them.

    Not to mention that pictures could be shared with someone else, a third party, who your lover believes he can trust to brag to, and they end up all over the web. And you wont even get paid for it.

    Never do it, for anyone. If your lover wants to document how good you look in bed, tell him to see the real thing and dont send pictures. That ALSO applies to webcam video when youre on video chat services like Skype. Never show your body except in the privacy of actually being physically with another person.

    If you want to make erotic videos together, always wear kinky masks. Better yet, start a homemade erotic video business.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 13, 2015
  9. Prinnctopher's Belt

    Prinnctopher's Belt Antiquities Friend SF Supporter

    With that said, what I would do is sue for deliberate infliction of emotional distress and get paid for it.

    But that does nothing to remove the pictures from the public domain. I simply would not do it. Who you trust today, you have no way to foresee whether youll even know each other ten years from now.
  10. Then your lover would start taking pictures and/or filming the sex without your permission, so this really doesn't help.
  11. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Seeing is Believing Forum Pro SF Supporter

    I've always refused with my boyfriends. I am glad I did not cave in to pressure

    If it happened without my permission, first thing is going to police station and press charges pronto
  12. danni

    danni Chat Buddy

    this has happen to me once. me and the guy we didn't date but we messed around a couple times. Anways he ask for picture and he took them and a couple of years later. he text me saying that he upload them, so yea I learn my lesson to never give anyone a picture of me like that.
  13. sick2deth

    sick2deth Well-Known Member

    If they had to stoop to that level to embarrass me then I'd really find it hard to give them the satisfaction, It would just prove what a low life they were in the first place. I've taken photo's before and when the relationship ended they were deleted. Why would I want any reminder? But hey some people are just messed up so...If it were photo's I hope they caught my good side and I wouldn't care too much, what's done is done and I'd take it and make it work for me. If it was a video it would only give me opportunity to critique my technique and it would be humiliating but I just wouldn't let them reach their desired effect...I certainly wouldn't show it. Then get them taken down and call the police and deal with it quietly and laugh to myself when they are shamed in the newspapers for posting revenge porn, Going for damages for emotional distress...milk it for all its worth. I would imagine theres some horrendous photo's of me lurking about somewhere. I'm just glad I'm not with those people anymore! People always turn something that is supposed to be intimate and fun into something to be afraid of, Just makes me hate the way things are even more. However that's my perspective and I'm a guy, If that makes any difference?
  14. Growing Pains

    Growing Pains Well-Known Member

    I'd be pretty embarrassed. Mostly because I hate my naked body in the current state it's in. Now, if we're talking post-op. Well, I believe there is no shame in nudity. However, of course, that kind of thing can follow you into the real world. Especially if you're a woman. It can impact your career, your friendships, etc. So, I think a large part of one's reaction to it depends on how it impacts their life. People with tighter connections, more understanding family and friends, would likely be able to shrug it off in the long run. Whereas someone with depression and very few close friends may let it fester until it, in turn, increases their depression.

    I don't really think it's fair to say it's the person's fault for taking the picture. In many relationships, there is a level of trust. And blaming the person just... seems like a victim blaming mentality to me. There is nothing at all wrong with the naked body. Yeah, I feel like there's something wrong with mine, but that's because it requires some assembly. What is wrong is that people so often feel entitled to using the naked body as a weapon. What's wrong is the culture. We should be able to feel comfortable sharing suggestive pictures with our partners and our spouses. It is perfectly normal for someone who is sexual to want to do this, and to experience this curiosity. You can say it's fine if it's not identifiable... but you would be surprised how many people can identify me based on birthmarks alone - and my hand, because of surgery scars - without ever seeing my face. Of course I'm not saying go out and take 100 naked pictures of yourself to send to your partner. You should still err on the side of caution. But at the end of the day, what they are doing when they use these pictures as a tool to control their partner is abuse. And I don't like the idea of blaming the victim, because it IS abuse. It is manipulation, it is emotional abuse to use something like that as a weapon to manipulate one's partner into humiliation or into doing what they want them to do.

    If my partner did it to me - on the offchance I did send them a picture of myself nude - my reaction would depend on the moment in time. If I were in a depressive episode, yes, I might attempt suicide. I can't imagine I would be able to see anything but the negative. If, however, I were not... I'd be very embarrassed, maybe a little ashamed, but I would fight tooth and nail to point out that everyone has a naked body. Everyone. The problem isn't the naked body, and it never was. The problem is that so many people teach us to be ashamed of our naked body.

    ETA: I don't know if it makes any difference what gender one is lol Will note that I'm a trans*guy, and I agree with you. In the end, the one who broke the law will be the one who is the most shamed. Because everyone has a naked body, but not everyone is a jack ***.

    Is it weird that I thought "If my lover feels like he can brag about my naked body... heeey, I'm cool with that. I want to brag about his, too."? Yeah. It's probably weird. lol