How would you feel?

[Sane Man]

Hi SF. I'm usually the type to crack a joke more often than not(or good at putting my foot in my mouth), but this is a serious question, as I'm curious to hear the answer. Maybe this question already exists on this site, but I want to ask it anyway. How do you feel about when someone dies by suicide, or, I guess this is a question more about how do you feel when someone passes in general? How would you feel if, even not knowing me personally, I died, regardless of the cause?

The reason I ask the question is because I want to get to the heart of the matter. I know, it's not fun and something anyone really wants to do, but as the issue comes up I want to know. I guess let me start by telling you all how I would feel;

Let's say any one of you, or me, or a family member, were to die; a very real possibility. My first reaction(and has been for a long time, but stronger than ever now) is 'Thank God they don't have to live here anymore.' Would I be sad? Yes. If it was a particular 'sucky' death, such as suicide, would I be pissed and sickened? Absolutely. But you see, the number one, numero uno thing is that I am happy that I know for sure, for SURE, that this world can absolutely never, ever hurt them again, and yes, that makes me happy. I don't do these cheesy, feel good but really meaningless quotes, like, "Oh I wish they were still here" or something else lame like that. Because see, I take the viewpoint of 'Who the hell in their right mind would want to live in this world?!'. And I say that because I think my mind was made black over the years by my reaction to things I've experienced in this world, and the people who's mind hasn't don't understand. And that sucks, because it separates us, causing isolation.

I want you to know, if anyone of you died the truth is I hate death or pain; if it was a suicide death, than I wouldn't like it of course but know so well the circumstances of that myself. But you know the one thing I wouldn't do? Want you to be here. That is the LAST thing I would want for anyone I loved in this world, to be here. Now if they want to be here, that's different, I'm completely fine with that. If you somehow enjoy this world, or miss parts/things of it, fine, whatever floats your boat. Because I look at it like this; The Goal is Gone. I mean, honestly, shouldn't that really be the long term goal of everyone on this site? Is this really your home, do you want to stay that bad? Now it may sound like I'm promoting suicide, but I'm not. This is just my view and feelings on death. Am I not free to express them?

I usually find the answer to this question is how you can tell the difference between the truly suicidal and the not. I mean, it should be a simple thing; You either want to live in this world, or you don't. My sister(who is older and has a lot of health problems) makes me feel like dirt when she say's, "You know, I try so hard to stay alive and you don't even give a shit." And my usual silent answer to her is, "Joanna, with all the pain you've been through in your life you still want to live? You're a fucking kook, and I'm sorry that we disagree but fuck you then, I don't want people around me who think like that. Totally full of shit." That is my reaction, and how I feel. To want to live here you've either got to be nuts, blind, indifferent, or all three. You disagree? Well do me a favor; if I do kick it, however I check out, don't, DON'T wish for me to still be here, ok? Because honestly that would be the worst thing someone could wish for me I think, and I'm not kidding it actually does piss me off a little, that you'd wish that for me. Because I wouldn't for you no matter what, and that's the truth.

Bonus question; Don't you enjoy it when someone bad or that you really don't like gets killed? You know, that guy in the movie who causes all the problems gets eaten or something? Don't you have like a handful of people you'd just like to see eaten in a Jurassic Park movie? Good, so do I...

 

[neutralbuoyancy]

welp to be honest when my grandpa died and i went to his funeral i didnt feel anything just this cold numb feeling of nothingness don't get me wrong i didn't hate him even when my family was in a lot of accidents that were near death i just feel cold and numb and this feeling of helplessness. if i knew you personally i might cry if you die and feel really really depressed. i have asked a similar question to my friend "if i die and you are still alive how would you feel? or how would you feel sitting next to my desk?" i don't really care too much about living myself but only those who i leave behind and those i can no longer see

 

[Wispiwill]

Not really sure how to answer this but I'll give it a go. How would I feel if you die? I don't know. I can't say that I know you particularly well. I guess I might be a bit sad that someone I've spoken to isn't around anymore. I'd probably be a bit jealous, especially if it's suicide - and I know that's not a nice thing to say but I have noticed that I feel jealous when I hear about people killing themselves. I want to know how they did it. What worked. I want to feel that I have a chance at it too, if that makes sense. Then I'd probably feel guilty because you're not supposed to feel that. So then I'd feel bad that I feel bad because of that and not because you're dead. So yeah, it wouldn't be much fun for me but that's more because I'm seriously screwed up than anything else.

Bonus question. Yes, in theory. If I actually had to watch someone be killed in front of me. Not so much. If only because I'd be wondering why they get the way out and I don't, if that makes sense. Sorry but the reality is that I'm not a very nice person.

 

[Sane Man]

Honestly, I wrote this mostly out of frustration, pain, and anger. My main point was actually for people to be truthful in the face of hard emotions. 'Say what you mean, do what you think' sort of thing. I also forgot to mention that very subject is not easy either, but it's very frustrating, that's all.

My uncle died in 1992, and throughout all the years although I've loved him, wanted to spend more time with him, and hated the circumstances of how he left this world, seeing the future now I would never, never ever wish for him to be here, in this world. Why? Because although I don't know it, I think he wouldn't have had a very good future in his life, that's why. I know people are not going to understand that, even call me sick or whatever. But that is how I feel, and I'm not going to mask my emotion to protect someone else, not when it matters that much.

 

[Lisa the Goatgirl]

The mother of all suicide cliches; (Big dork sarcastic voice) "Suicide is a permanent solution for a temporary problem" WOW! Uh, just so you know nobody on this site better ever use this line on me, ok?

So the first part maybe true, but, 'temporary problem'?! How do you figure? Some people deal with stuff their whole life, so when does this temporary part come in? Although I stupidly used to say/think this myself(as a child), I think this line is usually said and promoted by those who may have good intention, but really don't know what they're talking about and need to be quiet. I would never say this now after living it especially

And then, many of these so-called 'depressed' people are not really so much depressed, as they are an attention hog. There just looking for false comfort, that's what I'm talking about but it sucks because first off, they're annoying. No one with real problems wants to listen to someone who's depressed over a hang nail, or something stupid like that. Second, they take away valuable resources from the truly depressed and suicidal people, which is sick. Many myths, cliches that are completely untrue being spread by these turds also, like a nervous tick or something. Wow, I thought people sucked before my recovery; if anything now, this has just confirmed what I was already thinking throughout the years and tells me to stay away from them from now on.

. Because I look at it like this; The Goal is Gone. I mean, honestly, shouldn't that really be the long term goal of everyone on this site? Is this really your home, do you want to stay that bad? Now it may sound like I'm promoting suicide, but I'm not. This is just my view and feelings on death. Am I not free to express them?

I usually find the answer to this question is how you can tell the difference between the truly suicidal and the not. I mean, it should be a simple thing; You either want to live in this world, or you don't.

You say a lot of offensive things like this like you're only doing it because you just know so much better than everyone else, but the truth is that the disrespectful, harmful things you tend to espouse show that you actually know very little on these subjects you're talking about.
You are not the sole arbiter of who needs help, what people should aspire to, and what people are allowed to say.
You seriously need to work on your empathy skills, because if you can't see why these statements are incredibly damaging, that is a real problem.
If this offends you, i'm sorry for that, but i'm just saying what i mean. This is how i feel, and i'm not going to mask my emotions to protect you.

 

[neutralbuoyancy]

Honestly, I wrote this mostly out of frustration, pain, and anger. My main point was actually for people to be truthful in the face of hard emotions. 'Say what you mean, do what you think' sort of thing. I also forgot to mention that very subject is not easy either, but it's very frustrating, that's all.

My uncle died in 1992, and throughout all the years although I've loved him, wanted to spend more time with him, and hated the circumstances of how he left this world, seeing the future now I would never, never ever wish for him to be here, in this world. Why? Because although I don't know it, I think he wouldn't have had a very good future in his life, that's why. I know people are not going to understand that, even call me sick or whatever. But that is how I feel, and I'm not going to mask my emotion to protect someone else, not when it matters that much.

all i understood from this is that, you do not want your loved ones in an unstable or an un-garunteed future.

 

[Wispiwill]

Honestly, I wrote this mostly out of frustration, pain, and anger. My main point was actually for people to be truthful in the face of hard emotions. 'Say what you mean, do what you think' sort of thing. I also forgot to mention that very subject is not easy either, but it's very frustrating, that's all.

My uncle died in 1992, and throughout all the years although I've loved him, wanted to spend more time with him, and hated the circumstances of how he left this world, seeing the future now I would never, never ever wish for him to be here, in this world. Why? Because although I don't know it, I think he wouldn't have had a very good future in his life, that's why. I know people are not going to understand that, even call me sick or whatever. But that is how I feel, and I'm not going to mask my emotion to protect someone else, not when it matters that much.

I don't have a problem with people asking hard questions. Often they're the most interesting ones to try and answer - and the most distracting (and I need distracting). So, as far as I'm concerned, go ahead (within the rules of the site, obviously).

I understand what you're saying about things. My parents are both dead and I don't think either of them would have had a good time during this pandemic. I don't think it's wrong or sick to not want people to be enduring a bad life - even if it means you can't see them anymore. I think there's a difference between the theory of losing people and the reality in the same way as there's a difference between the theory of suffering and the reality. Unless you've actually been in that situation - it's all theory and it's not the same. You don't really understand although you might think you do.

 

[lost_in_a_fairytale]

well if it's a stranger or someone I dont know very well/barely talk to then I would feel sad in a way and shocked, but mostly I wouldnt really feel much. for the most part I have to have a deep connection with someone to be upset when they die, although saying that I did cry for a few days when chester bennington died despite him being a stranger obviously. I listened to him a lot growing up though so I guess thats why. I've known a few people who have died over the years, talked to them, spent a bit of time with them, but there was no connection as it wasnt very often at all so although I felt saddened to hear of their deaths it didnt effect me emotionally. I didnt cry or get depressed or anything. I've known of one person who commited suicide, an old acquaintance, and that was shocking, although there was a lot of confusion and apparently her family and friends reckon it was set-up and was a murder instead cause apparently she wasnt depressed and had made plans the next day but was found dead in the night from suicide so I dont know if that ever got classified as something else or not.

as for tv, yeah, I cheer on bad guys getting killed, or sometimes even just annoying characters. I don't enjoy it in a sadistic way, I dont like seeing death or violence, but from a justice pov yeah.

My parents are both dead and I don't think either of them would have had a good time during this pandemic. I don't think it's wrong or sick to not want people to be enduring a bad life

I was thinking similar about my grandmother. she passed away a few years ago and I have thought that it was "lucky" she passed away before this year because she would have had a horrible time in the pandemic

 

[WildCherry]

I joined this site not because of my own thoughts, but because I've lost people to suicide. It's not something I've ever considered myself, and so my answers may be a bit different. When I've lost someone close to me because of suicide, my emotions jump from sadness to anger to hurt, back and forth. The anger is mainly because the person wouldn't let me in, or allow me to try and help. If I don't know the person well, I do still feel sad at the amount of pain they must have been in.

 

[Aurelia]

It's understandable for some people to wish that certain individuals were still here. People love and miss people who are gone sometimes. However, if it was someone who truly didn't want to be here, I may miss them, but I would acknowledge that it's my own selfish desires wishing for them to still be here. And I would still be glad that they at least don't have to suffer anymore. It's not like wishing for someone who's gone to still be here is going to make them reappear again, so I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with feeling that way. And if someone who doesn't want to be here is still here, I'm not going to tell them that they're not allowed to die just because I want them to stay. I would, however, at least try to change their mind. Sometimes people don't truly know what they want. They may wish to die one week, and several weeks later, something might change, and they might be glad they stuck around. If they really, truly want to die, nothing I say would matter anyway.

 

[Sane Man]

It's understandable for some people to wish that certain individuals were still here. People love and miss people who are gone sometimes. However, if it was someone who truly didn't want to be here, I may miss them, but I would acknowledge that it's my own selfish desires wishing for them to still be here. And I would still be glad that they at least don't have to suffer anymore. It's not like wishing for someone who's gone to still be here is going to make them reappear again, so I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with feeling that way. And if someone who doesn't want to be here is still here, I'm not going to tell them that they're not allowed to die just because I want them to stay. I would, however, at least try to change their mind. Sometimes people don't truly know what they want. They may wish to die one week, and several weeks later, something might change, and they might be glad they stuck around. If they really, truly want to die, nothing I say would matter anyway.

Hey, we've got some unbiased, truthful, empathetic, sense here on SF... Thank you very much Aurelia for getting my point, and giving your thought

 

[Sane Man]

You say a lot of offensive things like this like you're only doing it because you just know so much better than everyone else, but the truth is that the disrespectful, harmful things you tend to espouse show that you actually know very little on these subjects you're talking about.
You are not the sole arbiter of who needs help, what people should aspire to, and what people are allowed to say.
You seriously need to work on your empathy skills, because if you can't see why these statements are incredibly damaging, that is a real problem.
If this offends you, i'm sorry for that, but i'm just saying what i mean. This is how i feel, and i'm not going to mask my emotions to protect you.

Truth is the truth hurts, don't you agree? And you didn't answer the question, which tells me you can't, don't want to, or afraid to. Which is EXACTLY my point on this topic.

If you believe there isn't 'dishonesty' in the depression/suicide world, then I don't know what to say. That's a very naive view, but whatever. I guess SF community, my question should have been this; "Do you believe life is better, or death?" As simple as it gets. And ever since I've been about 15 years old, I've believed in the latter. I learned, AND had the courage to know, 'The secret'. Love to me is wanting people out of this world, not the opposite, and if you don't see or at least understand that view ON A SUICIDE WEBSITE(JEEZ!), than I don't know. I believe maybe you're not very knowledgeable or honest with yourself.

 

[Paisley]

It honestly depends. If I know them in some way then obviously my reaction to their death would be worse than if they were someone I had never met. If it's someone I don't know, then I don't really feel I have any space to make a judgement because I don't know what they would have wanted.

Some people think life is worth living, some people do not, and some people are on the fence about it. Without being inside their head or having heard them explicitly say so, there's no way to actually know whether they would have wanted to remain alive or not.

Probably people who say it's a temporary problem are referring to the fact that life is finite and death is inevitable one way or the other. I do get why it would piss you off though, it's quite flippant to say that to someone who's in too much pain to be able to wait for a natural death.

 

[Sane Man]

It honestly depends. If I know them in some way then obviously my reaction to their death would be worse than if they were someone I had never met. If it's someone I don't know, then I don't really feel I have any space to make a judgement because I don't know what they would have wanted.

Some people think life is worth living, some people do not, and some people are on the fence about it. Without being inside their head or having heard them explicitly say so, there's no way to actually know whether they would have wanted to remain alive or not.

Probably people who say it's a temporary problem are referring to the fact that life is finite and death is inevitable one way or the other. I do get why it would piss you off though, it's quite flippant to say that to someone who's in too much pain to be able to wait for a natural death.

Thank you for your response. The question was meant to be in general(not people you know necessarily), and was meant to be controversial. I knew it wouldn't make some happy, but hey isn't that why I'm here?

 

[Mymindsmine]

My son dad took his life recently out the blue and as a depressive myself it was totally out the blue I thought he was so happy new wife kids and everything he desired so was shocked when he text me his Ex we’d fought in court for 9 years and was surprised I got a text saying sorry . I wasn’t his biggest fan but trust me when I say the impact of his decision was immense . Beyond anything I’d had ever considered. They say when someone take there’s life it effects 300 people the ripple effect. And I’m not joking when I say what I witnessed to someone who didn’t think anyone cared was not reality . The football team he run every singles child was effected by his decision, his children and both schools all the children who were Informed to be kind to his children cause of their loss. Then his son my son and all his side and me and all mine and anyone who tried to help who knew him and anyone he called that night and there families. It has made me realise that I never had any clue what impact I could of had when I felt like it. The impact is like nothing I have ever not anyone would imagine. And not only after or at the Funeral but for a lifetime.

 

[Mymindsmine]

That’s my truth and it may be different for others but that’s whAt I experienced so it’s my story x

 

[Mymindsmine]

And I hated him for 20 years while he lived and had a better life after leaving me with his son on my own. No money nothing I even dressed up on London ridge as wonder women to show the child Maintenece that fathers for justice was a joke cause declaring min wage through a company to pay £5 a week wage your worth1.2 million I hated hates hates him and even wished for years how I’d run him over. However the night he rang me none of it mattered he was I. Pain and he felt like nothing mattered and he failed in life and nothing would stop him and in that moment I felt pity sadness and empathy that I wish I’d never have felt that hate if I’d of known he would of eventually take his life . I miss him and he will never meet his grandchildren or see his son just graduate and for all my hate of him I’m gutted truly wish I’d of Been different with him and understood that empathy and kindness and understanding is what I should of had. I should of known those who treat us the worst or the most in pain. Deep down.... and maybe if it wasn’t for the battering I’d given him for years he would still be here ....

 

[Paisley]

Thank you for your response. The question was meant to be in general(not people you know necessarily), and was meant to be controversial. I knew it wouldn't make some happy, but hey isn't that why I'm here?

It's a sore subject for a lot of people. We're all hurting here in our own ways.

I do think it's worth saying that I believe it wasn't the content of your question that was controversial, but some of the other statements you made, such as saying the ultimate goal to this site is eventual suicide. The goal for some on this site begins as death and then transitions into wanting to make your life more tolerable (applies to me and others trying to recover).

Anyway, no offense taken.

 

[UKDude]

I've been thinking about it a lot and I think we can't understand death because we have to think about it from the perspective of being alive, since being alive is all we know.

I mean before we were born the universe existed for billions of years and we knew nothing about it, we weren't sat in a waiting room waiting for our turn to arrive here, there was nothingness.

Then we're here for a short time, and then we die and there's nothingness again.

But when we try to think what nothingness is we can't comprehend it because we're thinking about it and trying to imagine it, which you can only do if you're alive.

I kind of imagine it as the earth still being here, the people being here and me being kind of floating in some silent blackness.

But there won't be a silent blackness, or an earth or people or anything, because those things can only exist if you're alive to experience them - there will be no way to experience nothingness, there will just be nothing.

LoL confused? Yes I am.

I suppose what I'm trying to imagine, and just can't is that the earth and the universe only exist if you're alive to experience them, as far as you're concerned when you're dead they no longer exist, you'll no longer exist, and you'll never know you or any of it existed.

So it's all kind of pointless. Unless you believe in heaven.

Life is weird isn't it? And probably my thoughts, which I'm not explaining very well.

 

[Sane Man]

You say a lot of offensive things like this like you're only doing it because you just know so much better than everyone else, but the truth is that the disrespectful, harmful things you tend to espouse show that you actually know very little on these subjects you're talking about.
You are not the sole arbiter of who needs help, what people should aspire to, and what people are allowed to say.
You seriously need to work on your empathy skills, because if you can't see why these statements are incredibly damaging, that is a real problem.
If this offends you, i'm sorry for that, but i'm just saying what i mean. This is how i feel, and i'm not going to mask my emotions to protect you.

What I said earlier might have been harsh, and sorry for that. It was what I was feeling at the moment.