how?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Wastingecho, Jan 16, 2015.

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  1. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    how can i even communicate when everything i want to say would end up moderated?
     
  2. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN

    You can tell us how you feel and what it is that is making you feel that way - share your problems with us and see if anyone can help you think about them from a different angle :hug:
     
  3. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    Moving to separate bedroom - don't belong any more - don't fit in this life - want to die so badly - so many plans running through my head - want to pick just one - won't say goodbye - what's the point - dying alone anyway
     
  4. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Please don't, Echo. :hug: I care, and you can contact me anytime if you feel like talking.
     
  5. Motivebalance

    Motivebalance Member

    Contact me I might be able to help
     
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi wasting echo, just want to say that I hope you are feeling better this morning.
     
  7. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    Lying alone in the dark except for a cat -hearing sirens going by - will they come for me in the end?

    Can't escape it

    I was home from college once when my little brother woke me up to tell me that my dog that i'd loved for 15 years had just died - i came out to her bed to see her lying there lifeless - as I was holding her one last time her body gave one last intense shudder and the pain I was feeling just exploded

    This is what is happening now - i'm trying to keep going but then I get hit with that level of pain over and over and I:m just so tired of hurting all the time, of crying in the dark or in the corners where no one can see me

    I can't take this much longer
     
  8. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I know there may not be words to ease the pain you're in. But even though you don't believe people genuinely care, some of us do. Hope you'll continue trying to hold on.
     
  9. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    Don't think there's anything left to care about - most of me is dead already - pain is all I have left
     
  10. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    found out today that my brother has been in the hospital with alcohol poisoning - brain damage - will need to be placed in an assisted living facility

    nothing i can do

    but this happened awhile ago - my mother knew and didn't tell me - my niece told my daughter yesterday - she told us this morning starting with "oh did you know..."

    he was supposed to tell me if he needed help - he knew that - he knew i would have taken him in - done it in the past

    don't know how to take this all in - too much
     
  11. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    That is a lot to take in at once. It must be very hard for you. I am sorry to hear this, are you going to go and see him?
     
  12. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    can't - too far - don't have the money - and it looks like he wouldn't even recognize me

    uncle died from alcohol - father had serious issues - I've managed to stay away from it up to now but I have to wonder - maybe I should give myself up to fate
     
  13. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    No-no giving up. I'm really saddened your brother will not know who you are, this must be a real shock for you, you will get through all of this :hug:
     
  14. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    i've already given up - haven't shaved in 4 years now - can't stand my face, seeing myself - spend most of my time in the dark - leaving my glasses off so i don't have to look at the world, just a blur going by

    work is hell, home is hell, family is hell

    brother wouldn't call me for help - mother wouldn't tell me he was hurt or in trouble - i just don't matter
     
  15. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Well you matter here or we wouldn't be trying to support you. Everything is not always black and white. I hope you reconsider your option of giving up :hug:
     
  16. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    i don't know how to keep going
     
  17. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Keep talking and letting it all out, you can and will get through this. Try and believe in yourself. Talking might help a lot :)
     
  18. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    maybe they didn't tell you until he got better? by better i mean less critical... because they see you have a lot going on yourself?
    who is with you at home?
    if you are alone and can't function, there is assistance available you can apply for
     
  19. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    Nothing of myself left that's worth believing in

    And no one i could call that i could trust - not going down that road again
     
  20. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Very sorry about your brother. Were both of you close?
     
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