Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Klvngam, Aug 6, 2008.

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  1. Klvngam

    Klvngam Member

    I've been thinking about taking my own life recently.
    It's been tickling my mind for 5-6 years now, and I feel that the time has come. I believe it all started when i joined my secondary school in 2002. I live in a fairly nice little village next to a big council estate, in which is my secondary school was located.
    I was a victim of bullying throughout the whole of school, all 5 years. I never told my parents, I would lie to them about how well school life was going for me just not to cause them any worry.
    Since leaving school and having done well in my GCSEs i went onto college. I dropped college fairly soon after joining due to 3 1/2 hours of travelling a day, i got myself into a dead end job in retail. Having to now pay rent i can't return to education, thinning my chances of being able to achieve what i would want to academically, and in life. I get the impression from my family and friends that im just a failure. Everyday i feel like my life is just waiting for me to end it.
    Its hard to explain how i feel, Nothing i do works out right, no matter how hard i try.
    I really want to die.
    But I got a girlfriend whom i love very much, i've never loved anything the way i've loved her, shes gone away on holiday atm. Due to not having seen her for a week and feel less attached to her temporarily and feel it would be easier to die now.
    I really want to die.
    But how?
    How do i explain myself to the people i leave behind?
  2. Abacus21

    Abacus21 Staff Alumni

    Hey there Klvngam.
    Welcome to SF...
    First off, we don't give out methods - or links to methods sites - here: this forum is pro-life.
    Secondly, have you thought about speaking to your girlfriend about how you're feeling at all?

    Do take care,
  3. Klvngam

    Klvngam Member

    No, I can't, I've tried. But i just don't and then my anger kicks in, at myself, again. I came here as a kind of relief, seeing if talking to someone, even if i don't know them, may help me slightly. Or make me feel slightly better for when i go.
  4. Abacus21

    Abacus21 Staff Alumni

    I hope you get what you're wishing for out of SF :)

    Have thoughts of suicide been a big part of your life, or have they come on relatively suddenly?
  5. Klvngam

    Klvngam Member

    Errrrr, I've been thinking about it for ages, just every now and then my preffered method changes, sometimes i like cuts, i like cuts when you get a slight moment where you have made the cut, but the blood hasn't started, theres like a small gap, and soo much happens then, you feel like your happy, almost, but then the blood seeps out. and i feel slightly cleaner, I wonder what it would be like if i let my whole life seep out of me...
    Other times i like the thought of suffocation or drowning, again, i like teasing myself with death, i hang myself slightly and try to make a couple of seconds where i'm slowly dying and helpless.
    And on the rare occasion i feel like jumping, off a cliff, onto a beach, it would have to be somewhere near home, but beautiful. the weather would have to be right aswell, cloudy, and at night, 1am, My favorite time of day.
    For some reason i never feel the urge to use a gun, i feel that is too meaningless, and quick.
  6. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Why is school out of the question?Sure you took some time off and now you should go back.Nowadays if you don't have a diploma you won't find the kind of job you would prefer. Why don't you talk to a therapist, They are there to help people. You will learn from her/him how to cope. Do you have the income to rent a room so you will be a little closer to school. You don't need anything really nice, A room or a studio apt. would do nicely. Take Care...
  7. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    You can always go back to college and do something else. It's never too late. It's only too late after you've gone through with suicide. Then there's no going back. Please don't go through with it. We all go through rough times in our lives.
  8. Klvngam

    Klvngam Member

    I can't return, Because if i go back, my parents will make me work still, and pay £250 a month rent, i wouldn't be able to work as many hours, so for 2 years i would be working just to pay the rent, and will then have nothing for college or myself. =////
  9. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    It sounds like your parents are being a bit unreasonable about working and college. Could you try explaining to them that you want to make something of your life but in order to do that you need to go to college, but you can't afford to pay as much rent. Maybe negotiate an amount for rent you could afford that would still allow you to have a social life and go to college. :hug: I hope things work out for you.
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