How is it even possible to want to live? I don't understand. Because I try really hard. But it seems like even friends wouldn't really care if I went through with it. Everything I do is wrong, everything. I don't know why I bother doing anything because I'm just going to fuck it up and ruin a good thing for myself and then when I ask for advice everyone will remind me of this and I already know. I already know I'm a fuck-up. I'm so ugly, I look in the mirror and it makes me sick. I want to throw up when I think of myself. I am disgusting, seriously disgusting, inside and out. I am the type of person the world would be better without. I hurt my friends. Or I'll say something weird and probably make them wonder why they are even my friends to begin with. I can't take two steps without it being wrong. I believe everyone talks behind my back, everyone. And I don't blame them. I've never been in love either. I don't believe I ever will be. There is nobody to go too. I have so many issues with intimacy and touching. I am such a bitch to those who do like me. And nobody wants someone as inexperienced as me anyway. It's hopeless. It's utterly hopeless.