1. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    I was with my BF for 5 years.
    I broke up with him twice during those 2 years. and both times we got back together.
    This time is different, as I have realised that I am gay.
    The last few weeks I have been fine, I was happy to be free, and to finally be my true self.
    But this week, it has been so hard. I've been crying, I've just wanted that comforting company from him, to be able to have a hug/cuddle and lie with someone. And the only person I've ever properly done that with is him.
    How do I not go back out of discomfort. I obviously cannot be in a relationship with him, but I do miss him at the same time.
    And please dont get me wrong, I do not want to sleep with him, I do not want any of that back.
    I just want to feel cared for, in person, affection, comfort.
    How do i move on from this?
  2. Vitreledonellidae

    Vitreledonellidae Well-Known Member

    that just takes time to pass, think thats how everyone feels after a break up
  3. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    but its only started now. after 6weeks
  4. Bubble

    Bubble Well-Known Member

    takes awhile to miss somebody, you just miss someone youve been with overnight, you had to allow yourself to adjust before you could realise you missed him.

    Losing someone whether its a relationship or otherwise takes along time to get over but it will happen, you just have to allow yourself the emotions you're feeling to come out. No point holding back crying, anger etc because it just holds back the healing process.

    you will get there eventually :)
  5. 1izombie

    1izombie Well-Known Member

    hmm thats a tuff question...i can understand the need to want to feel love and hold someone close, and get affection from someone... heck i want that as well...hmm i wish i knew what to say, but i would suspect that something happened in the last week or so that made you feel the way you are feeling now. Maybe you are feeling alone and your looking back at what you had with him and the comfort you had with him and your missing that? The best i can say is try to figure out what made you feel the way u are and maybe talk about it to someone or even just write it out but express it some way. Idk but for me i try to work things out like this...doesnt always work but i keep at it... :hug:
  6. 000000

    000000 Well-Known Member

    You clearly connected with somebody that was very special to you and are grieving the fact that you cannot be close to this man that you loved so much anymore because of the recent change in your sexual preference. It may continue to be confusing for some time yet and will probably take a lot longer to fully get over.

    But now you are free and have an exciting new avenue to explore in your personal life. It may simply be the case of finding somebody who can comfort you and make you feel just as safe as he did. I'm sorry if this is not the right answer but it is all I got at the moment. Hope it helps.
  7. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    Thanks all.
    Steeebe. :wub: you hun
    and brett, what you said made alot of sense, thank you :hug:

    And just for everyone, I am feeling a bit better now, i suppose i'll go through ups and downs but i'll get there. As brett said, this is a whole new avenue for me, and I'm happy to be on it. I just have to acclimatise to it.
  8. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    I know how you feel, when I broke up with my ex, I missed being kicked off her bed. :D

    But seriously, what I did- I missed her hugs/cuddles although by the time we broke up they were rare- I just did it all myself, with blankets, warm comforting things like hot chocolate!, , buying things for myself, especially things I never had before! Going out and enjoying myself as much as I can although I was grieving.

    I'm not sure if you've tried talking to yourself, and comforting yourself- cuddling/loving yourself and giving yourself the affection you had from him. I did that a lot when I was needing to be held and I was scared..

    I'm not sure if that helps but I went through very similar feelings when I realised we weren't going to be together anymore, it was a shock to me after being with someone for 7 years. :hug: It can be very lonely and frightening at times..
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 6, 2010