Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Fitzy, Dec 23, 2010.

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  1. Fitzy

    Fitzy Well-Known Member it possible to go from feeling ok to being in the depths of despair in such a short space of time? I really just wish to be dead but I don't have the means. I really can't take much more and I want it to end......NOW!!!!
    I have a scream in my head that I want to let out but I can't and it hurts to keep it in.
    There is no point in me being alive but I don't know how to die.
  2. In Limbo

    In Limbo Forum Buddy

    You have always been supportive to people here, may I reciprocate? PM if you wanna talk/cry/laugh/rant/scream/other,

    Much love,
  3. topper

    topper Well-Known Member

    For me there's always a 'trigger'. I've been plagued by feelings of inadequacy/self-doubt for many years. It usually has something to do with that.
    I'm not good enough to make it on my own.

    This last time was the possibility that my dad, may leave our home, where I've lived all my life, and move to another state with my step-mom. The possibility was floated by my step-mom. My immediate reaction was that I'd have to move out on my own, be alone. Then money issues start plaguing my mind. And it snowballs from there. Job dissatisfaction. Any and everything I can find a I start feeling disconnected from the rest of the world. I'm not myself. I'm distracted, which leads to further strain relationships at home and work. It all only contributes to my feelings of despair, apathy, and worthlessness. The vicious cycle.

    It all started with a trigger. Maybe if we can identify what triggers it, it can help us get out of it quicker.
  4. Fitzy

    Fitzy Well-Known Member

    I know what the triggers were but I'm not good at dealing with them.
  5. topper

    topper Well-Known Member

    Yeah, me either...guess I'm just trying to impart some sense into myself. My brain is so scattered I often question whether or not I should even be responding. I don't wanna say the wrong thing. But sometimes I just want people to know that I'm feeling those same things.

    I know when I'm talking to others on the forum, the stuff I say could easily be the stuff I tell myself to try making myself feel better.

    Maybe feeling one another's pain can at least be some comfort. Good luck brother. I wish I had better answers...
  6. Fitzy

    Fitzy Well-Known Member

    Knowing that I'm not alone is enough of an answer - thanks.
  7. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Maybe you need to find a better way of coping with things that trigger you Fitzy? Please be strong and don't give up. :hug:
  8. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

  9. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    sending a big hug, if okay.

    you mentioned on the other thread you are cooking for friends this christmas. what are you making? i bet you are a great cook. i'm sure they are looking forward to it.

    don't forget these things come in cycles. you are swinging down right now but you will swing up again. just don't do anything rash. you will feel better again. i'm certain. hang in there.
  10. Fitzy

    Fitzy Well-Known Member

    Thanks for your responses - I have slept a bit and don't feel quite so bleak - feeling sad and a bit scared about being sociable over the holiday. It's good to know I have a lifeline here.
    Cooking mushroom soup with focaccia, followed by pork with loads of crispy crackling; sage and apple stuffing; sprouts with pancetta, chestnuts & pancetta; apple sauce; roast potatoes; carrot mash; braised red cabbage and gravy. Then my yummy Christmas pud. Will be starting stuff off this afternoon. Love cooking.
  11. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Glad you are feeling a little better...holidays can be so rough...and like you, cooking is also my outlet...keep posting and letting us know how you are doing...PM me if I can be there for you, J
  12. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Fitzy, I came here to express my feelings. Then I ran across this thread. The food you are making sounds divine !!! I can relate to feeling in great pain. You are cared about here by so many. Important to so many. You arent alone. Because you are needed and important here. Thank you for the message you left for me. That was kind, caring and generous. Thank you for what you give and who you are.
  13. Fitzy

    Fitzy Well-Known Member

    Thank you all so much - I wish I felt I deserve your support.
    Today has been difficult but I'm hopeful for a good Christmas day.
  14. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    happy cooking fitzy! keeping you in my thoughts tonight and tomorrow...
  15. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    All those Christmas dishes sound delicious Fitzy, mmmmm. I baked a delicious butterball turkey with all the instant side dishes like mashed potatoes, stuffing and corn. Glad to hear that you're feeling a little better. :hug:
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