I don’t want to feel like I do, I would give anything to be anywhere else in my head. But thoughts of leaving this place dominate my every thought. I can’t see where things will get better, people will always be like they are, they will always disappoint you. It is hard because you know how things are, even when you don’t want to. I want to look past my problems. It is hard, especially when you have someone pointing them out every day. There was once so much I enjoyed, and now I can’t see why. I try to use logic, but I come up short. Even if everything went the way it should, I cannot see where it would matter. It is like it is to late, I know where things are, and where they are going. You can put it anyway you want. But it is what it is. How can you want to go on when you can in vision the future and no matter how good you can imagine the outcome, it does just not help. I turned to religion, surely that would help. I was saved, baptized, started church, but I have such a hard time thinking God can help me. I have a friend I talk to, but he gets upset if I mention suicide. He wants me to be happy- go- lucky. I can’t be that person.