Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by SOL1, Dec 15, 2008.

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  1. SOL1

    SOL1 Member

    Howdy all, glad I found the forum.

    I don't really know what to write, but I can write how I feel? Maybe a little info about myself?

    Here's the deal. I'm twenty-six, American but living and working in Scandinavia, and have been here for a long while now. (Long enough to know the language.)

    I'm divorced, and have a daughter. A daughter whom I love and cherish, and feel very guilty about having to leave her.

    I honestly just can't take it anymore. Being here in Scandinavia, miles away from home alone is finally taking it's toll on me. I have one good friend, a few friends I say hey to, and then some more work buddies.

    Every relationship I've had while in Scandinavia has messed me up. My last girlfriend/wife/ex-wife drove me to attempted suicide. A more sick and twisted person I have not met. (And don't need to meet.)

    But I still love her, not in love though. (Hope people here know the difference.) I often look back on the good times, and lock out the bad. But it's not very far between where I'm reminded of the bad times. (Thanks to her and her text messages to me.) I've become so nervous now that I can hardly take the phone when she rings, or I have to FORCE myself to read a message from her. Everytime I hear the phone, my heart drops and I think that it's probably her.

    But enough of that I guess.

    The biggest issue is being here, all alone. (With the exception of my daughter, but I don't really like mentioning her in these sorts of situations.)

    I read a quote somewhere, goes something like this: "Some people are born, just to be an example for someone else". I think I fit into this category. I've not come to the place I want to be, I've not found love after my ex-wife, I'm basically an empty shell.

    I'm not who I used to be, that's also quite obvious. In Norway, I'm one person. In the states, I'm a better person.

    Why can't I go back to the states you may ask, if that's such a problem? Maybe because I'm scared a little. It's been close to eight years now. I hear a lot of crap about the government, a lot of crap about the are I live(d) in. My friends are gone, they've moved on with their lives. Not only that, I'm tied into obligations that I need to fulfil here before I can venture back, even if it's just for a week. (As they say, time is money.)

    This is where suicide comes in. My grandfather used to say, "It's a permanant solution to a temporary problem". Great advice, but not the kind of advice that helps much if you're really screwed.

    I have so much crap on my shoulders at the moment, so much I can't get unloaded. So much emotional baggage, is there really use in devoting time on this? Spend the rest of my life in counceling? Why should I lead an unenjoyable life when it can just STOP.

    There's one thing holding me back, and like I've said, it's my kid. I don't know where to turn, who to talk to or what I should do. That's why I'm here. Hopefully someone who could give me some much needed advice?

    Thanks for your time.
  2. Chernarus

    Chernarus Well-Known Member

    a friend told me to live for the satisfaction of others i you dont have a life on your own to live with then live for the satisfaction of others its what i do im miserable but it keeps me hear.
  3. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Let me welcome you to our forum. I am glad you have your daughter to hold on to. Fathers can be very special people to their daughters. I hope she gives you the light to fight for life.
  4. SOL1

    SOL1 Member

    Thanks for the warm welcome and sorry for my late reply.
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi SOL1, Welcome to sf! I am glad you found us :hug:

    I'm always here if you need a friend :)
  6. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    If you don't feel you can live for yourself, then live for your daughter. Keep in mind what would happen if you gave up on life, to her. How she would feel. Hold on for her :)
  7. Rosenrot

    Rosenrot Forum Buddy

    Do you have to stay in scandanavia? If you're having such a bad time, maybe it's time to go home, perhaps? There's work to be had in America too I imagine.
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