Seriously, is there any other point to life? The longer I live, the worse I get... the last couple of years have only showed me how useless and worthless I am for people, how little they can care, and how much they can hate me. I know it's already too late for me to make things any better... I tried the best I could but I failed, and now it's simply too late... everyone who cares enough about that, already has a group of friends and best friend(s), there's no place for me on anyone's heart, so why keep trying any more? That only brought more pain during the last couple of years, and once again, seems to be no different. Today I was thinking... I'm applying for college far away hoping to start from scratch and studying something that I love, but will a fresh start really help? I already tried that when I started at my current college, and things only got a lot worse... I'm the problem, not the people... I'm simply not likable, or lovable... I'm just usable... as soon as I'm not needed I'm ignored, that's how it's always been, and there doesn't seem to be a reason for that to be any different, ever. The last 7 years of my life have been a living hell, and every time there was someone or something worth living for, it wasn't long before they turned into another reason why I didn't want to live any more, and by the looks of it, the trend keeps repeating itself. It's hard to think how I managed to stay alive the last 7 years, and why I didn't kill myself that day around 6 years ago when the idea first came to my mind... the amount of pain I would've saved myself from is impossible to describe... but even then, I'm such a big failure I fail at that too... none of the attempts worked in the years after (they probably weren't the most elaborate ones, but I can't think of a very good way other than getting a gun, and I can't afford one ). I don't know what's the point of this thread... I just wanna die already, it's the only way out... it's the only way I will no longer be vulnerable... it's the only way to stop the pain, to get away from the past, to stop being disappointed, to stop feeling.