Huh -.- I don't like my family...

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Cooki, Jun 9, 2014.

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  1. Cooki

    Cooki Well-Known Member

    My parents constantly yell at me. Best example: we were to a lake today, we had a lot of stuff to take from the car to the beach so that we needed a handcart. Usually my parents bind all the stuff on the cart, so that nothing will fall down, but today we left the rope at home, so we tried to get the stuff there without binding it onto the cart, but half way it all fell down and we put it back up and my mum tried to bind it with some rope that is too short. I told her that it won't work (because she had the rope tied around a wheel accidentally, but they didn't let me speak long enough to say that) and then my dad pushed me aside angryly and yelled that I don't do anything but yelling (I was the only one who carried bags; my dad had that cart any my brother and mum didn't have anything in their hands or on their backs or so. I had two bags, one on my back and one in my hand) and he just didn't stop yelling until he made me cry and still then he wouldn't stop yelling... He didn't yell at my brother, didn't yell at my mother, just at me because "I wouldn't help". Even funnier was this morning before we drove to that lake. My dad had a discussion with me about how he thinks that it wouldn't make sense to go to the lake with a daughter who might not even be alive the next day. My parents are still so angry with me because of my suicide attempt (which was almost a month ago) that they won't let me do anything at all. They always say "no, we won't do that, who knows if you're still alive tomorrow" and stuff like that. It doesn't help to tell my parents that I won't do anything like that anymore. Even the psychs I've been to say that they don't think I would do that again, and they should know, right? But no, my parents know everything better. And they didn't change their behavior at all, they just go on the same way they used to, just that they now pretend they had a reason not to let me do anything. They probably won't let me go to that internship at university in summerholidays. And they won't ever let me have a sleepover at a friend's, probably won't even let me go to study anywhere else when I'm a bit older. I'll have to wait until I'm 18 to get the right to do what I want to do, so I'll have to wait about a year to be allowed to apply for university....
    Thanks to everyone who read this. Got a bit longer than I wanted it to become.
  2. demuredawn

    demuredawn Well-Known Member

    sounds to me like your family lacks understanding... perhaps they care, i dunno... but they definately dont understand you. that is not an uncommon trait amongst teens and their parents but especially amongst suicidal/depressed teens and their parents. does your counselor try at all to get them to understand how it is you are viewing things? does he/she (your counselor) take the time to understand how you are viewing things? its important to have good communication with your parents.. but only if they are willing to listen... thats what i'm trying to figure out... is it that they are unwilling to listen, that they just don't understand how to reach you b/c of your depression, etc.. or is it that you perhaps aren't willing to talk? just sounds to me like a family full of miscommunication and misunderstanding of one another... but i could be wrong... anyway, lemme know any thoughts?
  3. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Cooki, I am very glad that you can write it out here, rather than keep it bottled up inside. It's your parents who actually need to see a psychologist for their limited understanding of how to relate properly to their extremely bright and coherent daughter who is streaks ahead of them when it comes to awareness. Just remember, any issues that you think are your fault because they're going on inside of you - are actually your mind's way of trying to process the perspective on reality that you have been raised with so far. Mentally, it is good for you to become stronger inside of yourself, when you know that how they are acting and the unhelpful things they are saying are because they need to know how to put your wellbeing first, for at least a long while, to love and strengthen you and not put you down. Hugs Cooki, I think you're amazing!
  4. Cooki

    Cooki Well-Known Member

    demuredawn: I don't have a counselor, there are just some psychologists and psychotherapists that talked to me in hospital and after. And all of them told me that my parents, especially my dad, would need to see a psychologist too. They are that kind of parents who just won't ever listen, no matter what I have to say. I talk, but in the end I always feel like I had been talking to myself all along, or worse, they just turn my words around to tell me how stupid and awful I am.
    urPrecious: I'm too talkative to keep things in my head without telling the world xD dumb combination though, talkative and lonely '^^ so yeah, internet is the best place then :D
    Only thing I can say to this: aww! '^^ thanks :D
  5. JV3

    JV3 Well-Known Member

    When I had my first bout with depression/suicidal thoughts in high school, my parents had a hard time dealing with it. My mother, who still deals with depression and had several suicide attempts in her own life, was VERY overprotective. The thing is, though, we experienced things a lot different. She mainly dealt with postpartum depression, so it was hard to relate. My dad, on the other hand, didn't have a clue what I was dealing with. Without going into detail, I had a couple of incidents at my school where people got afraid of me because of the way I was acting out about my suicidal thoughts. My dad's reaction to this was to yell at me a lot and "man me up" which was extremely counterproductive for everyone involved. When I did start to go to counseling, my parents agreed to a few sessions of their own with my counselor, and she helped them better understand how to handle me and talk to me. For my dad, it was a bit of a culture shock at the changes that were requested of him, and while he didn't fully succeed, he did make the effort to try and change some.

    I learned over time that most people just don't understand because they think so different and have experienced life so different and are wired so different. I know my dad now well enough to know that he still doesn't understand what I think and why I think and act the way I do, but after 12 years I have at least gotten him to a place where he acknowledges that he just doesn't understand rather than lash out about it. I say all this to say that with time, patience, and some help of their own that your parents can get to a place where they understand you better, and when that time comes your relationship will be a lot better.

    It will be a lot better, too, one day when you are more on your own. There's a lot of emotional freedom that comes from being on your own. Hang in there! You sound like you've got a good head on your shoulders, and I know you'll get through all this!
  6. Cooki

    Cooki Well-Known Member

    My dad's mum had committed suicide when he was just like 7 or 9 years old. Every time we get to talk about "what happened" he will just be like "if you wonmt do it again, why did you do it in the first place??" But I can't simply tell my dad that he and my mum won't ever listen to me and when I needed help I never got it and that every time he tried to help he only made it worse, can I?! So I tell him I don't know. There are so many factors that played a role, and when I actually had my suicide attempt, I just couldn't think of anything else than the people I will make cry with that, but I just didn't want to think about them, I just wanted to die. So yeah, I would say I didn't really have a reason actually :D
  7. Cooki

    Cooki Well-Known Member

    So I was at a doctor's to test if I had allergies and which today. My mum had given me a lot of useless medication lately, I didn't want that, I hate pills and I hate medicine that won't work anyway. This medication was just even more useless than I had supposed it was. I had the last pill about a week ago, since that I successfully refused to take that crap. They made that allergy test, it burned like fire; they first cut my arm open, then spilled different liquids on the wounds, and I almost cried out in pain, but I kept in mind that it will be over in just a few minutes and then I would know what's up. Nice try, after about 15 minutes the doctor realized that the allergy pills still had their effect, so everything hurt but my skin didn't show the typical red marks, so I'll have to make that test again next monday. And that's all just because my mother didn't let me refuse the pills she gave me which didn't work at all. But alright, could be worse.
    It was worse. Just a few minutes after I finally got home after two hours at the doctor's I had to go to the choir. I came back an hour ago, and the first thing I was confronted with: my dad yelled at me like this "So you say you were forced to take that medication? And then you ran to the doctor's in self-defense!" And I was like "uhm, I don't know what you're talking about, I only told mum that the allergy test didnmt work because of the medication she had given me for no real reason although I didn't want it. Okay, if you want you can call it I was forced to take that." Dad: "why did you go to the doctor's?!" Me: "To make an allergy test" dad: "why did you go to the doctor's?!?!" Me: "I finally want to know what it is, if I'm allergic to anything and if I can make it better somehow!" Dad: "Why. Did. You. Go. To the doctor's?!!!!?????!?!?!!" and then I sighed and went away, getting my bag prepared for school tomorrow.
    And just a few minutes ago, my dad came in and yelled at me like "you okay with the airconditioning on (he said it in a tone in which I could have imagined a "you spoiled brat/b*tch" at the end of the sentence)?" I answered "Uh, yes (and thought 'what a question, it's so goddamn hot in here')" and then my dad was like "because I don't want you to be forced to sit in a room with air conditioning on. Do you want me to turn it off (again "spoiled brat/b*tch")?! If you want it turned off you just have to tell (aaaand again)" and I actually thought he might want me to tell him to turn it off. It's noisy, yeah, but I'm better off this way than in a hot room without any air. I sometimes feel like killing my parents, really -.-
  8. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    It's a little clearer to me now why your Dad is like he is - the wound he has had to carry since he was a young boy, very impressionable and needing his mum who offed herself - has more than likely been pushed into his subconscious where the energy remains, and then is expressed in these ways to anything that threatens to trigger the painful memories associated with that time. This is why your Dad is in need of inner healing and therapy, to help him be able to better integrate his experience into his consciousness. That's it in theory, but theories don't automatically happen for people unless they are open to applying them, and in order to be open to applying them, they have to have an understanding that their wound exists before they can choose whether to do anything about it or not.

    Ahh me, I wish there was an easy way of getting this through to him........ but if the above theory rings bells and resonates with you, it might help in your coming to terms with your situation Cooki - Blessings and strength to you hun :)
  9. Cooki

    Cooki Well-Known Member

    At the moment I just feel awful ._. School's getting too much for me, my parents treat me like dirt, I just want to be in my boyfriend's arms all the time, but even he left me alone tonight for a party with some of his friends.... So I couldn't contact him, couldn't say him goodnight, and neither did he so I didn't sleep well (I'm afraid of my dreams, they're so awful usually......) and now I'm in a bad mood -.-
    But yeah, that theory seems to fit. I had the same one all along :D
  10. sudut

    sudut Well-Known Member

    he he, get used to it.
  11. Cooki

    Cooki Well-Known Member

    I don't want to get used to my parents yelling at me..!
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