Huh.

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Zueri, Sep 14, 2009.

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  1. Zueri

    Zueri Well-Known Member

    Back here, again.

    I don't like admitting I have a problem, and I can quit the drinking thing for weeks at a time. Then comes the the break-down, and fuck myself up until I pass out. For the life of me, I can't stop. Chain-smoking. Drinking. I'll drink at school, on the job, at home, on the bus, everywhere. And nobody really seems to notice because I'm just that goofy. I'm a "riot" to be a round, I'm perpetually obnoxious and sarcastic and inappropriate and so on and so forth. I'm pretty good at covering up smells, and if I add sunglasses to the mix -- fuck, nobody knows what I've been up to.

    I gave myself alcohol and nicotine poisoning last night, and I just pretended that my boss had passed the flu on to me this morning so I didn't have to go to work. I did go to class, because school's the one thing I'm not willing to screw with in my life, but I got home and I've been on the bottle since then.

    Thing is...
    I don't want to stop. It's almost like that song -- "when you're so high, you never ever really wanna come down, so down..." I don't have a nice reality to sink back into, and the alcohol is a welcome escape. The stuff that's going on around me -- family, bills, conflicts at work, blahblahblah -- is running me over. I can't see myself ever coming out of the mess. People enjoy asking me where I see myself in ten years; I can't tell them that I see myself six feet under in six months.

    I don't even know why the hell I'm writing this. Just need to get it out, maybe? Some subconscious realization that I don't want to flush my life down the toilet, and that I won't find happiness at the bottom of a bottle?

    Help? :mellow:
     
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Sometimes you just need to write things down ... to get it out and know someone's reading.

    What is it you're trying to escape? I hope you'll talk about it here; it might help to get some stuff out.
     
  3. The_Discarded

    The_Discarded Staff Alumni

    yeah yeah girl i know the feeling. you's a tough cookie and i understand how it feels when the tough cookie starts crumbling in a nice bottle of whiskey

    i can't give you any help cuz i ain't got a damned clue what to do about any fucking thing.

    but if it's any consolation at alllll, you aren't unheard or misunderstood

    if it's no consolation at allllll, my bad :seehearspeak:
     
  4. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Is it that you really don't want to, or is it that you don't want to face things or are afraid to face things without it?
     
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