Human Beings

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Cortez, Nov 3, 2010.

  1. Cortez

    Cortez Banned Member

    I live with this fear that people will try to hurt me verbally or physically. As crazy and "macho" as I act on the outside, I have only fear and anxiety inside. I am terrified of people, but I also hate and envy people.

    The only times I feel safe is at home and in my classes, reading and writing is my only solace. Evey time I step foot outside...anything goes. I am on the defense, I am sarcastic, and I accept that anything could go wrong so I have to deal with people with little to no emotion or empathy. The minute my guards come down with someone I am totally different, I am sensitive and extremely sympathetic, but my fear (anxiety) gets the best of me. I do have a certain attitude with how the world is right now, but at the end of the day I don't know if it is me or them.

    Can anyone relate to any of this?
  2. Alliance

    Alliance Well-Known Member

    If I didn't know any better, I would think you are me! And in that case, I must apologize because I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

    I also hate people from how I've been treated all my life. I don't know what I've done to deserve the things that have been dished out to me. Now I have very low self confidence, self esteem, and have very bad social anxiety.

    I always feel like I'm being judged, and I put on my armor, because if I let it down others will hurt me. I've been hurt so much in my life that I usually seem cold and callous. I'm bitter, jaded, angry, and just being eaten away on the inside. I have dreams about the people closest to me, even after 12 years and the pain never truly goes away.

    Any of those seem familiar to you, Just Me?
  3. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    I can see a bit of myself in your actions... mostly just the fear of people. I am agoraphobic and terrified that people may hurt me any way they can at any given moment. I've been hurt alot but the only person I hate is myself.
  4. Cortez

    Cortez Banned Member

    Thank you both for the comments.
  5. Cortez

    Cortez Banned Member

    Yes. Bitter?... extremely. Anger?... it's my best friend, the one who is always with me. Jaded?...yes from all these feelings that just exhaust me.
  6. bryco

    bryco New Member

    Yeah I can relate. I've had a rough life and it's been hard to deal with people. I've realized that being bitter and angry all the time is pointless. You'll only push away the people who could be positive influences on your life. Nobody who wants to have fun and enjoy life wants to be around someone who hates it so much. People out there who want to hurt you will see right through the "armor" and will try to test you anyways.