Human Touch

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Freya, Sep 10, 2014.

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  1. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN

    There is a thread on here somewhere - in the games room I think - called "when did you last have sex". Seems a little funny I guess, but then I think about the last time another human touched me - in any way - and actually it isn't funny at all.

    I have read a number of studies on human touch. It is scientifically proven that deprivation of touch can genuinely harm infants. Everything I have read links lack of affectionate human touch even in adults to increased aggression, depression and physical health problems like high blood pressure and other stress related illnesses. Unfortunately my life is such that I have started measuring the time between affectionate physical contact from another human being in months.

    I was last touched affectionately by another human being (and by affectionately I am counting anything including and upward of a handshake or a touch on the arm - literally anything that isn't a nurse taking blood in fact) on the 13th December 2013. I don't want to know that. I don't want affectionate human touch to be so fucking rare in my life that I literally know the days and dates that it happened. But it is. And has been for over 4 years now. And it hurts.

    Not that bitching about it changes anything.

    Only myself to blame.

    Should just get a pet.

    Shut up Lu.
  2. Twocky61

    Twocky61 Banned Member

    We all need a :hug: Freya and to give :hugs: in return. I don't know if you reside in the uk or wherever but here in the uk hugging is not really a thing us Brits are comfortable with. With partners we are comfortable with that :)hug: that is; sex is totally seperate) but strangers or even friends? We have a lot of foriegn language students here in Bournemouth and they think nothing wrong in hugging each other hello or goodbye: male to male/female to female/gender to opposite gender. The trouble with us Brits is if we see two girls hugging we think lesbian & likewise two guys must be gay if they are hugging each other. Sexual orientation has nothing to do with hugging as a :hug: is a form of greeting just the same as shaking hands.

    We have too many hangups us Brits lol

    Now down to partners. Believe it or not (& I am a guy) I actually believe :hug:'s cuddles kisses are far more important than sex. Both Claire & I feel the same way & we are totally content in each others arms. And with sex it means nothing to us without the :hug:'s cuddles & kisses. Yes, we have sex too, but when we do it means something to us. Also I am somewhat uncomfortable having sex with Claire because of her past abuse, even though she insists it is ok. When she says it is ok I tend not to believe her reasoning she is only consenting to please me.

    So Lu you are right to feel as you do. I assume you are single without a partner. If that is the case then a cat or dog or whatever will give you the love & affection you so crave.

    But for now Lu:

    :freehug: & also just for you: :dog_smiley:
  3. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    I know how you feel, and I don't think you're bitching. Sometimes it helps just to let out your frustrations. I haven't been kissed in upwards of two years, before that, maybe six? And can't remember the last time I was hugged, or even had someone sit next to's hard. You're definitely not alone in feeling this way.
  4. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    I don't think you're bitching Lu. :hug:

    I can say im definitely happier when in the arms of another, as it removes worries even for an instantaneous moment, which in turn makes me more content.

    There is too much 'fight' over less important things, (materialistic in a number of cases that I know), and not enough love spread around, and I see a few people bypass a homeless guy, but myself and a colleague of mine will pass the time of day with him - just to spread some kindness and it probably works wonders.
  5. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN

    Maybe it is not 'bitching' but talking about it is pointless. It doesn't make it different. It doesn't make it any the less genuinely pathetic that I considered asking the woman on the makeup counter in Boots to demonstrate something just so a real human would touch be very briefly. Pathetic and desperate.

    And stupid. Lets not forget really really stupid.
  6. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Member Safety & Support

    I wish I were with you Freya. I would give a very big, very warm hug. Actually, I would give you numerous hugs.

    I get occasional hugs at church, and then I get touched when I get a haircut. Thats about it. And I could use a hug today. They are talking layoffs where I work. None have happened yet, but the talk is terrifying.

    Many hugs Lu!
  7. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    i relate. and then when one gets it, it sort of nearly burns and hurts. solution is to 'get out more' but it is easier said than done though the touch itself is needed

    bear, have you looked into alternatives yet in case worst happens?
  8. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hey Scary. Have not started looking yet, but will be starting to update my resume this weekend. I have put that off for way too long. And I still have a series of job search alerts that I get daily. Once resume is current, I will start reviewing them again. Get some applications in incase the worst happens.
  9. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I wish the little hug emotes here were a little more effective and comforting. While we all know "its the thought that counts" is usually a bunch a crap said out of political correctness, if it did count then you would not go an hour without a hug - much less months.
  10. Twocky61

    Twocky61 Banned Member

    Something featured on the soap Emmerdale with the Sam Dingle & Tracy characters. A bit expensive at £1.50 a minute but Sam phones an 090 Premium Rate number to chat to a girl (Tracy) on the other end. Sam is lonely bringing up his young son Samson since his wife Alice died of cancer. Tracy normally recieves calls from blokes wanting to talk sex but Sam just wants someone to talk to. That might be a possible idea Lu in phoning a helpline, at least which are freefone 080 numbers (in uk at least) (US they would be 1800 numbers). There are quite a few helplines. Obviously you wont get a hug but you will get a chat.
  11. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN

    Hey Twocky, thanks for the suggestion - and helplines are great though obviously phoning one that is charging money isn't something anyone here should be doing. Free ones are often helpful for people. Thanks to SF, I do not lack people to talk to - I do not even want to talk sometimes - I just want a hug. I guess it is hard to explain to anyone who doesn't suffer the lack of affectionate physical contact.
  12. Twocky61

    Twocky61 Banned Member

    :grouphug: & :freehug: from all of us here on SF for all your hard work moderatin, Freya.

    Even though Claire & I are extremely affectionate (sickingly so to some of our friends :rofl:) to each other we still understand what is like to lack affectionate physical contact; Claire more so. Her past relationship she had none; she had abuse every day being subject to his DV. I wont go on about it here as I have posted elsewhere in more detail elsewhere on SF. Due to this fact Claire actually clings like a limpet mine.

    So Freya you need to meet a nice guy, or failing that a kitten or a puppy.
  13. fosty

    fosty Well-Known Member

    I miss that contact too , it's been years. You're right, it is very important, it reminds us of connection and helps alleviate that feeling of separation. It can be a hard thing to trust though. I find any physical contact very difficult because I'm very wary of other people as a rule. I don't think you should call yourself 'stupid' though or 'pathetic' remember you deserve that affection just as much as anyone else.
    Best wishes
  14. Jay19

    Jay19 Well-Known Member

    After reading this thread I wasn't aware that there was a actual name for a lack of human touch but googling it came across the term 'touch starved' and the effect it can have on a individual. I cant remember the last time I got a hug, never been kissed or held hands. I even have dreams where I hold hands and it feels so real, their hand is really warm and makes me feel better.
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