Humans are interesting...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by RhythmPassion, May 18, 2013.

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  1. RhythmPassion

    RhythmPassion Member

    Hi Everyone.

    I'm 31, male, live with my parents, am depressed and have tried 5 times in the past 4 years to off myself, but I chickened out everytime because of the uncertainty.

    I guess you could say that I am "suicide savvy". As in, I have been all up and down forums, newsgroups, chatrooms, hotlines, watched movies/documentaries, read ebooks. I have also tried therapy, counseling, meditation, medication, drugs, sex, working out/lifting weights, school, reading philosophy, reading psychology, work, church/religion, and two weeks in a mental hospital.

    My mother suffers from Schizophrenia and has been on medication for 5 years now, but we still have to be careful what we say to her. She is so paranoid that she thinks everyone on this planet is conspiring against her. At no fault of her own, she passed her mental illness onto me. That, along with a few traumatic brain injuries I have had from accidents in my past has left me a dead soul with the body dragging it around that needs cleaning and feeding until it gives out...or until I destroy it.

    I have also read MANY stories from both survivors, and the ones lost to suicide, before the fact.

    Humans need more than (((HUGS))) XOXOXO, "Hang in there" "I PROMISE it will get better" "Let Jesus in your life!!" "God is with you" "Call an 800 number!" etc. etc. It's a simple fact that very few people have the education, resources and patience along with the much needed will and desire to truly help another person in despair. People are lonely and sad, and no one cares enough.

    Not being the sole reason or cause, but the greedy elites of the world have trashed the value of life and there is no hope for the future except empty promises and the consideration of suicide. It has been designed to keep us all so busy with producing product that people would rather be dead. Look at the MANY suicides from FoxConn workers in China. The very company that makes your iPhones and many other devices for popular electronics companies. Instead of admitting that they have forced people into slavery, they would rather put up "suicide nets" and FORCE people to sign a document that states they will not commit suicide. We have truly reached an Ouroboros.


    I feel that it's a lost cause. Even people that had EVERYTHING going for them, perfect family, marriage, job, house, life, vacations, and so on, chose to end their lives. Why?...everyone is too busy to listen. No one is listening anymore, everyone is just waiting for their turn to talk.

    I feel so sad for the people who think that if they had one last chance with their lost loved one, that they could have said or done something different, but what they don't realize is that they HAD that chance their entire life and never took initiative. If there was anything else that they could have done that would have made a difference, they would have already done it. Still, with no guarantee of a different outcome.

    I've grown so tired of humans and their diseases.

    I would appreciate your thoughts. Please feel free to elaborate. Thanks.
  2. Skyfire

    Skyfire Active Member

    I agree with you. You make a lot of excellent points. But, in the words that my grandmother left in my memory box before she died: "With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Strive to be happy." And it really kinda is a beautiful world. You just have to squint and work for it sometimes.

    I'm honestly more comfortable in the company of trees than humans. Trees are completely unpretentious, they lack self-absorption, and they do nothing but listen (and if they're not listening, they have the decency to pretend they are =P). Completely serious; trees were the home of our ancient ancestors, the axis of our primordial world, the model for our tripartite world view, they provide the very air we breath, and the are bridges between earth and sky, holding a sacred place of fascination and even worship in the human psyche. Try talking to a tree sometime when you need someone to listen. It can't hurt; you might be surprised.

    Also, moths. I always try to take time to look up close at a moth whenever I see one. See, moths seen from a distance don't look like anything, they're just grey or brown flappy things; they appear dull, even ugly. But the secret of the moth is that it is designed to blend in and hide itself away - it tricks you into thinking it is drab and ugly. But if you get in close and examine the details, you find strange patterns and structures, fur and feathers and magnificent complexity. And you discover that moths are incredibly beautiful, but you just have to take the time and make the effort to see it.

    People, and our societies, are mostly the same way. It looks so horribly generic, drab, disgusting and pointless at a glance. Get in closer, see if you can see details, there is beauty to be found if you are willing to look for it. Anything worth discovering is worth searching for.

    It is very possible none of that made any sense, I have not slept in quite a long time. But hopefully it did; hopefully it didn't sound like meaningless platitudes, either, because its not meant to be. I agree about that too, those are worse than useless.
  3. RhythmPassion

    RhythmPassion Member

    It all made perfect sense. You are absolutely right. Moths are beautiful. The world is a beautiful place. I hope I didn't hurt it's feelings. lol. The world is a beautiful place, but when you can't share it with the one person you are supposed to love the most, yourself, then sharing it with someone else seems impossible.
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