Urghhhhhhhh... I feel soooo freaking terrible. I've never wanted to hurt myself so badly, to disappear. T_T I wish I could change schools.. but I can't.. and I know I'm making a bigger deal out of this.. but when I tell my like- .. inner most secret randomly to a group of strangers, it Kills me. So in class.. we are starting the section on what makes up individual identity. He asked us to write down somethings for ourselves in our notebook. So I was just doodling.. and I wrote -Nearly 10 years in isolation -My (lack of) friends -Family relationships (for good or bad) -Harry Potter & my other fandoms -My batman will.. not to cross my line.. and do things that I'll want to take back Lol.. I find the last one on the list ironic particularly now. So yeah.. he's asking ppl about whats on their list.. and people are like- Sports, family & friends, hobbies, school, ... Normal stuff right? So yeah.. then he's like- glaring at me and the other kid in the back who don't talk. So I mention, "Isolation." And he's like- "Elaborate." And by now.. I knew I was Fcked. & me being my stupid and pathetic self I didn't think of a lie soon enough.. because usually I never lie.. I'm known for being terribly blunt actually because usually I just.. don't care. So then I tried this half-assed lie.. and I'm like- "You know... uhm.. reflection." .. And since I knew no one would get that.. I stupidly went on to say.. "like 10 years in isolation with no social life." BAM. I dropped that hideous truth among a classroom full of people that I don't care about. -enter the silence- But to say that (I don't care) would not be truth. I Thought I didn't care about what They thought. Apparently, I Do or I wouldn't be typing this... It's just awful.. This isn't highschool.. this is fcking college.. and I'm still where I was at. I know it shouldn't matter. After all.. I commute. I simply show up to class.. and get the hell out of there as soon as possible. But it's just Awful.. If only I kept my mouth shut like I intended to.. (HA.. even Worse... Afterwards... I try to think of my imaginary friend to comfort myself... (Yes... I'm 20 and have those because it cures boredom as well as despair... kind of.) How Pathetic. And we all know how good something Imaginary... can comfort us. Blah. So I came here.. because it Is quite literally that I have no friends; and at this point.. I'm past bothering.) I don't know how I'm going to manage going to my next class... Bleh.. Why couldn't I say, "You know, reflection... like those moments of self reflection in which you think you've glimpsed some unniversal truth." -facepalm- Has anyone else had some hideously traumatizing humiliating experience? And if so, how did you get over it?