HURT,ANGRY-i have my flaws many many of them but people can be so insensitive atTimes

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by kath, Jan 18, 2007.

  1. kath

    kath Well-Known Member

    Sorry not enough room in the title for trigger warning but this could well be triggering.

    i am so so angry.

    And i already had so much anger inside myself towards myself already.

    i am angry with me but this morning i am also more ANGRY at THEM.

    BVarious reasons.

    But this is one that strikes out at me right now.It is the one straw that has just broken the camels back this morning and now i feel maybe all the anger ive held ihn that past few weeks is just aobut to all come out now and now i am scared.

    i received a letter or a copy of a letter that was being sent from one professional to a group of others involved in my mental health care this morning.It was 23 pages long though in large print cos i need it that way.

    i appreciate having received a copy of the letter and i also do not expect the letter to perceive me in a brilliant light as firstly i am a mental health patient,second my situation is complex and thirdly particuarly regarding the situation with me and my medication that is obviously my fault and also apart from that i know i have many many flaws so thats five reasons at least why i would not expect the letter to portray me in the best light.i could accept that,understand it to some degree.

    However the letter was purely and totally insensitive.And i got upset and very very triggered by reading it.i appreciate the copy.ANd i appreciate honesty.ANd can appreciate if it didnt show me too well.But i dont appreciate the total insensitivity and parts of how i was portrayed and perceived in it.And it didnt help that it included my total background information etc which is fair enough if it had to be there but it was meant to be minutes to a meeting not more of all of my detailled personal stuff being shared around [i do appreciate infomation sometimes needs to be shared between professionals - not that even all of it seems factual information but more opinion - but there is such a thing as ways and means and tact and not being so lenggthy and needing a trigger warning of which i had received none].

    im sorry.Its probably just me.Maybe no-one else would have a problem reqading something like this.im just sensitive right now and im sure its just me but i cant deal with this or maybe its just brought a lot of my recent anger ive been either consciously or subconsciously trying to hide to the boil.i dont know.

    Its just me.i cant cope with this and certainly not this type of thing.Its upsetting.Its just me im srure but some people can be so insensitive sometimes..............

    Take care for now
    kath

    Ps Probably didnt help that my post was sopiping wet and open when i received it this morning so half of Royal Mail have probalby had their entertainment for the day......
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 18, 2007
  2. kath

    kath Well-Known Member

    Re: HURT,ANGRY-i have my flaws many many of them but people can be so insensitive atT

    Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
     
  3. Ignored

    Ignored Staff Alumni

    Re: HURT,ANGRY-i have my flaws many many of them but people can be so insensitive atT

    ((((Kath))))
    I don't blame you for being angry. It seems totally unnecessary for all the information regarding your situation to be trotted out again. Surely those involved are already aware of your background after all!! I'm sorry too that they were totally insensitive... it seems par for the course unfortunately a great deal of the time. If there are any aspects of the letter that you take issue with then get in touch with a mental health advocacy organisation to complain on your behalf... it is your right, and you don't deserve to be misrepresented.
    Sarah :hug:
     
  4. kath

    kath Well-Known Member

    Re: HURT,ANGRY-i have my flaws many many of them but people can be so insensitive atT

    Thanks for relying Shygirl.It was nice to receive a reply and it is so good to see you are still around.i dont know it just triggered me.Probably being stupid.i guess not everyone knows my background.After all ive only been in this area of the world for a year or so now and the staff do i guess have very heavy caseloads and change very frequently!!!!!i dont know.It just upset me to see it all wrote down like that.But im sensitive and easily upset i guess especially right now.

    But hey anyway mainly im posting just to say thanks for the reply.It means a lot to me.i am just having a really hard time [probably of my own making admittedly] especially yesterday and at times finding it hard to get support when i need it in general.And i know people here cant always reply either and i understand that but the state i was in yesterday i would of been absolutely devastated if id returned to this and there was still no reply.

    i think i am doing a bit beter today.Not quite in so much of a state maybe.But im not sure.We will see........

    Thanks.
     
  5. thedeafmusician

    thedeafmusician Staff Alumni

    Re: HURT,ANGRY-i have my flaws many many of them but people can be so insensitive atT

    (((((kath))))))

    Not entirely sure what to say.... but it was damn insensitive of them to write that I think.... I hope that you're doing better when you read this. x

    TDM
     
  6. kath

    kath Well-Known Member

    Re: HURT,ANGRY-i have my flaws many many of them but people can be so insensitive atT

    Hi TDM thanks for that.Hugs for you too hun and i hope you are doing better too!!!!

    Please dont worry that you dont know what to say.Its just great that you are there.Just great to know that people are there.i just so selfishly need to know that right now.It doenst matter if you dont know what to say.im sorry for needing to know that you and others are there.It is selfish of me.Bad.Sorry.Especially given my sitaution right now.Sorry.

    im not going great right now but well.....serves me right really.ive always thought id rather people [especially professionals involved in my mental health care care] be honest and share the things they say/write rather than professionals keeping things from me so i guess i got what i deserved really..

    It has really happened some of the time so i should have been glad to receive it.But when i did i just wanted to curl up in a ball and hibernate or die or something.i just felt so terrible.Its probably just me.It was just a shock to receive it.

    i know im a difficult patient at times pmost of the time],i know my sitaution is complex and i can now stand up and say i know the situation with the tablets is totally my fault and responsiblity [whether i manage to do anything about that remains to be seen].

    i can own up and accept those things without being asked,i didnt expect to be perceived in a wonderful light and who could blame them pnobody working with me would probably see me in a great light right now and i wouldnt blame them[ but it was just how it was written and the lack of warning about the level of content.Ir was just a shock.i should have been able to deal with it but just not right now.Not where im at right now.

    IJt just tears me apart more......all of this is my doing........my fault.......receiveing the letter waws just a shock.......it was what i deserved...............maybe im just upset cos they were right........and maybe the letter has just made me realise more how much of a mess my life has become...........

    i deserved this.

    i fail even more cos i cant cope with what i deserved so much.
     
  7. Soulsha

    Soulsha New Member

    Re: HURT,ANGRY-i have my flaws many many of them but people can be so insensitive atT

    Have you had any mental health proffessionals that have really helped you? I wonder is there are meaning to search out for help (for me for example)? You seems to be quite experienced with that...
     
  8. kath

    kath Well-Known Member

    Re: HURT,ANGRY-i have my flaws many many of them but people can be so insensitive atT

    Quite experienced with what exactly?
     
  9. kath

    kath Well-Known Member

    Re: HURT,ANGRY-i have my flaws many many of them but people can be so insensitive atT

    Hi

    i have been thinking about all of this and why the letter upset me so much on Thursday when it came and why it continues to haunt me now.

    The thoughts ive had are the folllowing adn i thought id share.i hope that yoou dont mind.

    1.That i am sensitive at the moment so it may sound worse to me than it actually was or i may be reading things into it.
    2.Maybe they wrote it not thinking or not knowing what impact their words would have.
    3.Maybe my reaction is unnatural.
    4.Maynbe they write so many letters like this that they just say the words now without thinking about humanity and feelings.......but they seemed such caring people before.
    5.Maybe they are angry or worried and this effected how they wrote.
    6.Maybe my reaction is natural and what you would expect and maybe they planned for the letter to hit me hard to try and help me/make me realise the mess that my life has become.

    And my last but certainly not least thought is that i think actually was it the words and content which hurt me the most and hit me hardest [though they did hit me hard cos the whole thing does] but more the timing or a combination of the timing and wording/content.

    i just odnt understand how anyone could write something like that about anyone especially when they were at this stage in their life.

    If i didnt feel i was possibly dying,if i knew i was likely to make it it would be slightly different.......i oculd deal with thks maybe a tad better.

    But now.Why now?

    It is just the timing and what they said.

    But then they probably dont understand me either..... and htat i think i do understand............ironicly enough.
     
  10. kath

    kath Well-Known Member

    Re: HURT,ANGRY-i have my flaws many many of them but people can be so insensitive atT

    i guess that nobody knows what to say to me here either.

    i wouldnt know wither.
     
  11. kath

    kath Well-Known Member

    Re: HURT,ANGRY-i have my flaws many many of them but people can be so insensitive atT

    You Know What? The More I Think About These People The More Angry That I Am.

    How Dare They?how Dare They?
     
  12. kath

    kath Well-Known Member

    Re: HURT,ANGRY-i have my flaws many many of them but people can be so insensitive atT

    Fine i will talk to myself then.im used to it.
     
  13. kath

    kath Well-Known Member

    Re: HURT,ANGRY-i have my flaws many many of them but people can be so insensitive atT

    Forget it.Just forget it.
     
  14. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Re: HURT,ANGRY-i have my flaws many many of them but people can be so insensitive atT

    Hey honey,

    I'm really sorry, I read the thread when you originally posted and saw you got some decent replies, and didn't read it again.

    For that I am sorry.

    To be honest, I am not entirely sure what to say, or what advice I could offer, or anything, but you know that if you need a chat or rant then you know my PM box is open.

    I do however think you are right, they often 'forget' that they are dealing with real people, and real feelings, and they probably didn't adjust their writing style knowing that you were receiving a copy. It can't have been a nice experience for you.

    Have you discussed it with any of the professionals?
     
  15. kath

    kath Well-Known Member

    Re: HURT,ANGRY-i have my flaws many many of them but people can be so insensitive atT

    Why should i?Why should i discuss it with them after what they have done to me.?

    Fair enough people can totally criticise me for the sitaution with the tablets.And believe me they do.......

    But at the end of the day i wont have things written like that about me.

    That letter would have been hard for anyone to read,any patient or client or whatever.

    To someone who is where i am it is despicable.It is wrong.
     
  16. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Re: HURT,ANGRY-i have my flaws many many of them but people can be so insensitive atT

    Maybe you could discuss it with them so that they realise it is wrong, that you are a person with feelings, so that it doesn't happen to you again, or to someone else, so that you can direct your anger at the people who deserve it (and not internalise it and keep it to yourself), so that maybe you can get some closure on the situation.
     
  17. kath

    kath Well-Known Member

    Re: HURT,ANGRY-i have my flaws many many of them but people can be so insensitive atT

    Thankyou for your relies.They are so helpful.

    But writing about it wasw supposed to help me.And your replies has.

    But the more i write the more anger and upset i feel.

    My own writing is making me feel more and more upset.

    i have to stop.

    i have to stop for now.

    i will go and do something else.

    Thankyou though.

    im just getting more and more upset.
     
  18. kath

    kath Well-Known Member

    Re: HURT,ANGRY-i have my flaws many many of them but people can be so insensitive atT

    i cant cope with this place [the forum] anymore

    But then i cant cope with anything anymore either.
     
  19. kath

    kath Well-Known Member

    Re: HURT,ANGRY-i have my flaws many many of them but people can be so insensitive atT

    im sorry if everyone else cant keep up with me recently.
    i cant either.
    im sorry.