Hurt deep - Pain - Anger - Love?

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by K3, May 5, 2007.

  1. K3

    K3 Well-Known Member

    ::Warning - this post contains mild language.. If ya don't like it.. Don't read it...::


    I don't really know why im posting this, I mean.. I feel safer locking everything away inside of me.. Yet I don't even do that anymore.. Everythings getting to me recently because I guess i'm letting it...

    I mean, I liked this girl... Could count it as whatever. But alot of other people "Like" her in that way too.. I'm the jealous type though... So when I see her with other people... It pisses me off... Eventually getting me into a really really down state...

    I'm currently doing anger management, because obviously.. I get angry.. x_x;; I mean, the slightest thing is getting me angry recently, a word out of sentance... Whatever... And the off thing about it is, my mom keeps saying "Well I guess your anger management isn't working" Expecting it to fucking work on ONE day! god damnit! She has NO idea whats going on in my life at the moment, and it pisses me off so much that she thinks she does...

    I told her, that I was depressed a while ago.. After another one of my suicide attempts, I went to the doctor... Sitting in there all fine... And this is weird... you prob won't belive me.. But the doctor actually has a go at me, telling me all this and that "If you cut you won't get into the army" "If you do this, or that.. blah blah" I mean, what the hell is up with that? Having a go at me for no reason, So I cut. Get the fuck over it you son of a bitch, its not like your perfect. Oh well, atleast my anger didn't get the best of me or I would of stabbed him with a sergical knife >.>;;..

    Another one of my friends has been ignoring me recently.. I used to be such good friends with him that it was scary.. I used to tell him everything, more than a friend would. I saw him as my older brother.. And you could even say I loved him. I don't know what way he saw me as.. He says brother.. But I don't belive it... So he basically stopped speaking to me after he said he was moving to Cali. I'm guessing thats because he either didn't have the money to see me, or just didn't want too. But he was ignoring me every single day.. And I felt awkward even speaking to him.. I couldn't send him a message or text.. Or anything.. So I ended up blocking him.. Word is that he didn't go to Cali... Which is awkward because his gf lives there... Worst part of it all is that iv got a picture on my wall... From the first anime series I ever watched with him.. And the main character looks almost identical to him... So even if I blocked him, I still can't get him off my mind.. It fucking hurts deep down...

    My mom and her boyfriend are getting married soon - I don't have a problem with that at all.. I like her bf.. But sometimes he's a bit rough... I mean.. we got into a fight, and I picked up a pillow.. So he snatched it off and kept smacking me round the face with it... I'm not a tiny guy.. Nor am I weak.. Nor do I get hurt easy.. So it didn't hurt.. alot... But still... I had to walk out because I was getting REALLY pissed off... and today, we were out and he shoved me.. I ended up stubbing my toe and it bled,... He didn't even say sorry for that one... Most of the time we're fine.. I mean, he's fucking awesom sometimes... But still..

    It was also my friends birthday today - So obviously he had some form of party.. Yet only 3 people (including me) turned up.. I thought that was SO crule... I mean, if that was me.. I would of been so upset... He invited like.. 6 other people.. Yet they just never turned up... Personally.. I would of sulked.. Lol, but thats how I am...

    My dad, (Real dad) has been an ass recently.. He's been pushing and pushing us to put the house on the market.. Yet we just can't because its not fixed up enough... If we do, we lose £30,000 out of the house value... He normally is nice... Wait.. Its my dad? No he isn't... He's normally an ass to everyone except me... Me and him have fallen out ALOT.. Quite a while ago, I asked him if we could go see a movie - And he said no... So it ended up in me putting my fist through a door... Its not that I was acting spoilt.. It was the fact that before that, I hadn't seen him for like 6 weeks.. I just felt like he never wanted to spend time with me... And the guy I saw as a brother was just like "So?..." I couldn't belive that... I mean... "So?..." >.> I put my fucking fist through a door... Oh well...

    My sisters are pissing me off recently aswell.. I mean, my little sister picks a fight with me whenever she can... And it normally ends up with me having my fist clenched to her.. (Not hitting) Or ... Well - Thats all it ends up as.. I mean.. Iv got anger issues... So what does she do?.. Add onto them by provoking me... And my older sister - She sometimes is a fucking bitch, I mean.. A while ago.. About a week.. My mom and her bf went upstairs.. I was already upstairs... So it was only her downstairs... The back door... Windows.. Front door were all unlocked.. So what does she do? She walks upstairs and says "Night Josh." So I had to fucking walk downstairs and lock them all... I went to her room and banged on her door.. "Why the fuck didn't you lock them?"... Her: "It's not my responsibility." Bearing in mind she is 18, i'm 15.. She was the last one upstairs.. And it's not her responsibility.. Well.. Cutting the story short,.. It ended up with my fist in her door aswell..

    So yeah - Thats my general rant at the moment.. Or whatever you want to call it.. But it is getting me extreemly down.. And I can't cope with it much more... To the extent that I might OD agian..

  2. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    Ok, Joshyboy.

    Firstly :hug: :hug: :hug:

    Secondly, you got all my email addresses, you know you can email me to rant, vent, hug, ask for anything etc, ANYTIME. Please do use that :hug: :hug:

    Thirdly, tonight I'm gonna be online, and we will talk through everything, ok? See if we can find solutions to things or what can be done to change things etc, ok?

    Here for you anytime, my Joshyboy :cheekkiss

    :hug: :hug:

    ps - how about if you're getting really angry, turning that angerness into working on AROHosting? :tongue: :wink: kay sorry bad joke hehe
  3. K3

    K3 Well-Known Member

    I would - But Working on AROHosting pisses me off more..
  4. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    okay then put that in the fridge for a while. :hug:

    Are you on MSN?
  5. Insignificant

    Insignificant Account Closed

    omg it's amazing how much your older sister sounds like my daughter who is 14. i go to bed early and wake up in the middle of the nite only to find the front door still unlocked. makes me want to scream sometimes or wake her up and make her do it.

    i ran around angry for years and at alot of things but as the years have passed i have realized what's the point it only makes me more depressed. honestly, i am sick of being depressed. i've tried oding before in my life as well. i'm still here must be some reason for it. i know this isn't probably what you are going to want to hear but just chosing to forgive someone helps alot. when i say chosing it doesn't mean you have to really feel it or believe it, but it like opens a door to calm things down. i'm not really sure how to explain it.

    now that i'm older and don't hold everything against people i really am feeling better off. if you need to continue to vent i totally understand and i encourage you to do so it's better than keeping it all inside. we'll be here to listen. please take care of yourself.
  6. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni