Hurt myself- I feel so stupid

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by GreenChick, Aug 20, 2008.

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  1. GreenChick

    GreenChick Active Member

    You know, I feel like an idiot. I really meant my last post, but last night, the depression got so bad that even though I KNEW I didn't REALLY want to die, I found myself acting on my suicidal feelings. I managed to stop myself before major damage was done, I hurt my throat (attempted hanging, kind of) and I stupidly risked my life again. I don't know if it was a true (though indecisive) suicide attempt or just a self-injury thingie, but it was stupid. It just goes to show that this disease (depression) has me so mired in its grip. That even when I respolve to live, I still seek to die.

    IT was really hard to post this after my previous email, but I guess i Still need support. Please help me get through this alive.

    Thank you.
  2. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hello GreenChick,
    You shouldn't try that again!! My brother tried hanging him self and I found him and cut him down. He has been a major alcaholic ever since. My sisters and myself have noticed he has suffered some damage because he is always angry...
    I hate to think of the pain you are in. I see you have posted several times, why don't you PM one of us and talk more of a one on one basis and see if that makes a difference. You can enter the chat room and find several people who will support you!!! I can't get in the chat room because of my computer.. So I settle with PM's and the Forum...Stay Safe and Take Care!!!!
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I'm sorry that you felt so down that you decided to act on your thoughts. I think none of us REALLY want to die, but when life gets too hard on us , we feel lost and dont know what to do with ourselves. Do you see a therpist for your depression? :hug:
  4. GreenChick

    GreenChick Active Member

    Still here still struggling. I still want to hurt myself. But I am fighting the urges.
  5. CuriosityCat

    CuriosityCat Member

    Well done Greenchick for fighting thoses urges. I know just how hard that can be as depression consumes your every waking moment. I find that I just have to take each hour as it comes and try to distract myself when I'm feeling really vulnerable......not easy I know but I find even if the distraction only lasts minutes most times this is enough to get me through. It doesn't matter what the distraction is it can be something mundane like unloading the dishwasher or making the bed...don't know if you'll find this helpful but I wish you well :hug:
  6. GreenChick

    GreenChick Active Member

    I got out of the house today. I am typing this from the library. I was just sitting at home thinking about suicide, so I left. I have a hurt foot, but I walked all the way to the bus stop.

    I know what I have to do, I have to get rid of that noose. I have it sitting there on the chair all ready for an attempt. I have to throw it out. But its hard. I don't want to, because I don't want to give it up. Not only that, it is the extension cord of my radio. If I throw it out, my radio won't play. can I get another extension cord at some point that will fit it, do you think? I know a radio isnt' worth my life, but...

    I will try to write again tonight and say how I'm doing.
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