hurt myself or something dear?

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Oak, Nov 14, 2008.

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  1. Oak

    Oak Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Last night was too much. I looked at my two little dogs and the thought crossed my mind so strongly that it scared me even still. I was wondering who to put out first. I didnt want them to be there if i passed away first.
    The urge to end it was so strong that it scared me to hell. I quickly put food of the floor for them and rushed in my room and closed the door before i give in. I haven't felt that bad in months but the burden of this last month has been too much. I was to be recovered in psi ward but as my husband has been hospitalized in critical (icu) for nearly a month my own recovery was postponed.

    My Bp and schizofrenia are kicking in and I didnt know what to do except locked myself and take sleeeping meds to put me out before i hurt them or myself.

    How can I go into recovery when my husband is recovered and will need months of recovery before i can get in???

    Between a rock and a hard place right now and the new meds are not helping at all. God i'd give everything to get back on track and not see what i am seeing or feeling :(
  2. snowraven

    snowraven Well-Known Member

    Granny, I'm always here if you want to talk about this. I know how tough it has been for you recently and hoped getting away from the inlaws might bring you some peace. Hopefully your husband will be home soon. Then you must think about yourself. Lots of love to you Granny you have been a great help to me. Simon.
  3. Oak

    Oak Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    That is a problem with me Simon. I have burden you enough and whomever have shown care during this hardship. I dont want to become of a burden to anyone :(

    I got away from the inlaws yes but if i go to recovery who will be there for my husband when he comes home? Cant leave the dogs alone to be recovered so must ask them or some family members to take the dogs in but remains the worry of my husband recovered and the 'ifs' and the 'what' might happen if i accept to be recovered.

    I cant even imagine him alone in recovery after what he has passed and worrying about me hospitalized as well. Between a rock and a hard place right now.

    I can only pray that the urge to harm myself of my poor dogs passes otherwise i wont have a choice. Such a hard decision to be taken
  4. Starlite

    Starlite Senior Member

    My friend,

    i know this time is of great discord for you. We have talked about this and you must look after yourself. Now would be a great time for you to go as your husband is still in the hospital being cared for. You know I am here for you anytime. Just please msn me and we can talk.


  5. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest


    you are a burden to no one, i understand the indecision you are facing but as Karren said you need to look after yourself.
    use the love you have for your hubby to give you strength to see you through this. :hug:
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