I am so hurt right now that I just want to end it I feel like i don't even know myself anymore I have lost so many people and the one anchor that i had to keep me sane and fight to survive and live my kids has been stripped from me. I served 10 years in the military which in its process while giving me an identity and legacy cost me a good part of my soul with PTSD. I can no longer even respect my own family even when they try to help me. It has gotten to the point where even though i am school and staying at my moms i contemplate daily whether or not to <mod edit - method> and be done. I dont want to die but i dont want to be in pain anymore. I quit my job to focus on school but dont even have enough money basic necessities let alone to enjoy fix my problems. I was always taught to take care of my own problems but I fear i may have run my course and these problems are not fixable wihtout means which i cannot seem to obtain. I have been to the VA which recommend meds but i refuse because it is no more than a band aid to a much larger problem and i dont want to lose myself anymore than i already have.