hurt pain and anger

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by shark123567, Oct 14, 2016.

  1. shark123567

    shark123567 New Member

    I am so hurt right now that I just want to end it I feel like i don't even know myself anymore I have lost so many people and the one anchor that i had to keep me sane and fight to survive and live my kids has been stripped from me. I served 10 years in the military which in its process while giving me an identity and legacy cost me a good part of my soul with PTSD. I can no longer even respect my own family even when they try to help me. It has gotten to the point where even though i am school and staying at my moms i contemplate daily whether or not to <mod edit - method> and be done. I dont want to die but i dont want to be in pain anymore. I quit my job to focus on school but dont even have enough money basic necessities let alone to enjoy fix my problems. I was always taught to take care of my own problems but I fear i may have run my course and these problems are not fixable wihtout means which i cannot seem to obtain. I have been to the VA which recommend meds but i refuse because it is no more than a band aid to a much larger problem and i dont want to lose myself anymore than i already have.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 14, 2016
  2. ttsp

    ttsp New Member

    Then this is not the place for you, cruel and blunt I agree. It sounds like an unfortunate series of events. When your soul and heart screams for an unknown end beyond your imagining...

    I feel your pain, the stoic self defiance is a farce that traps many, so your pain and suffering in silence is very real> I'm not sure its lost, just not acknowledge. "Success" and "failure" (sic) are flip sides of the same coin. Its not always up to someone as to which side they're on, but you have a choice as to which side you choose.

    There's the rub my friend,.... the choice
     
  3. Frances M

    Frances M Mountain Woman

    Hi Shark,
    If you refuse meds, have you done therapy or are in therapy? Or maybe try natural methods? I have mental illness and though I was on a cocktail of meds for years, I quit them and now manage things naturally. St-John's Wort for depression, passionflower for anxiety, for my mood and spirit I exercise daily, stretch, meditate, walk in the woods, play with my dogs and feed my spirituality. I eat very well and take vitamins and fish oil supplements to help me out too. I found all of this, on a consistent basis, helped me out a lot. For me, I found that meds were also a band aid. I did a lot of work in solitude and do self-help methods of therapy since I can't afford a therapist.