Hurt

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by jack, Aug 5, 2009.

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  1. jack

    jack Member

    I'm hurting pretty bad today. I feel like an outcast freak of society who is doomed to a life of mediocrity and frustration. I'm sick of being powerless to change anything in my life. I'm sick of always living on the edge of disaster. I'm sick of always hurting.

    And that's when it seems SOOOOOOO much easier to just pull the plug. A lesson I learned in my childhood from playing way too many video games .. if a game is so hard that it fucks up my mood, better to just turn off the game. So I want to turn off the game of life. It's frustrating. I'm not getting anywhere with it. I'm stuck. I'd rather just end it.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 5, 2009
  2. ODIECOM

    ODIECOM Well-Known Member

    what kinda things do you need to change ?
     
  3. jack

    jack Member

    I was sexually abused as a child, and now I'm all fucked up about relating with women--I fear, resent, or sexualize them, or all of the above. I'm a sex addict. I'm going through a divorce and I'm feeling very alone. I have some kind of social anxiety that makes me afraid of people. I'm depressed. I hate myself. I suck at my job; I can't get myself to focus on my work and get anything done; I either fall asleep or get lost in other distractions (like surfing SF). My finances are all fucked up--almost all of my money goes towards expenses that I have no control over.

    Therapy only helps for like 2 hours at a time when I can actually see him, twice a month.

    12 step meetings are good for venting, but not for actually getting real help to make real changes.

    ...

    Also, I'm tired of this feeling of always living on the edge. If I lose my job, I lose just about everything I have going for me right now. Or sometimes I'm one acting-out episode away from disaster and my life falling apart (this is a moot point now, because my previous life has already fallen apart... my current life is more contingent on my being able to keep my job than staying sober).
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 5, 2009
  4. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Please don't pull the plug; what's making you feel so bad?
     
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