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Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by forever_scarred, Mar 4, 2010.

  1. forever_scarred

    forever_scarred Well-Known Member

    i thought i could handle the subject of my mother but it seems i cant...i dont think i will will be able to talk about. so much pain and agony surface...anger that i just wanna kill myself to get rid of....other have lost their mom but i dont connect with them....i feel so alone in this pain i ususally just stay silent, its easier for me to swallow back teh tears than to openly admit i want to scream with everything i have or that i wanna kill myself to make it all go away...i had seen my mother sick since i was 10...my world feel apart when she died and since then each day another wall goes up but another piece of me dies.I kno teh longer i hold this inside of me the harder it will be to get out....its hard enough as it is...but there are things i just cant say...not even here....mom died right in front of my eyes for almost 9 years and there was nothing i could do to save her. NOTHING!and do u kno how much i hate myself everyday because of that, how much i hate god for taking her away from me....i carry so much guilt for something i said 2 days before she died...what i said during that storm and how much i cried that night....those memories r never gonna go away i kno that, ive accepted that i will never forget her screams or the memory of her in that bed...

    I learned a long time ago to just shut up about how i feel that no one cares....that if i open my mouth i only cause trouble...i should have known better tonite then to try....i have so much pain inside that instead of letting it out and talking which i cant do i take it out on my self...doing anything i can to try and destroy me...but nothing destroys the pain. NOTHING, nothing *cries*
  2. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    aw-- I think there are *many* things you should talk about. It would be better for you than to keep everything bottled up.

    No one will judge you for anything you've said or done.
    The fact is-- we all may do things we regret; but the past is the past.

    Please talk about it and get everything out- it may be less painful than you think.