Hurting and Lost!!

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by shadowcat, Sep 3, 2008.

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  1. shadowcat

    shadowcat Well-Known Member

    It has been awhile since I have been on here and many things have happened that are good. I got married at the end of may of this year. I moved to a different town a little further out of my comfort zone and I am having to cope with finding new friends to hang with. I also am having a rough time that is effecting my marriage from my past, things are hitting me like a brick and causing me to break down and head toward a meltdown. i have not injured myself yet. But my hubby is afraid I am hurt myself eve if I do not mean it yet. I can't see a counselor till they give me medical clearance that my seizures are not happening again. My past abuse from my mother is hitting me so hard I have been so upset that I have almost hyperventilated and passed out. My husband has been there many times to calm me down, but he may be leaving on a job for a month. I am scared to death, I miss my friends, family and my pets. I do get to see Sarah once in awhile and she has been kind enough to keep my cats for me since I am not allowed to have any animals at the apt we rent. I think that is a big factor that is playing in this situtation for ever since I can remember I have had a pet with me and it was there to comfort me. Now I am alone by myself, when my husband is not home. I have not been sleeping well either and it is effecting me really badly. I do not know what to do, except for to curl up in corner and cry.
  2. Ozibuna

    Ozibuna Well-Known Member

    Well, i found that when i'm down and in the blues, fighting back usually helps. And by that i mean, refuse to give up, refuse to deny myself my right of being happy and do something for myself, join a group/course/club, get new hobbies and do whatever i can to better myself and keep myself occupied
  3. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Sorry to see things have slipped somewhat and you have a need to be back. But I'm also glad that you did come back and look for the support and care you need right now. I know how important a pet can be in keeping your mind from engaging to the dark thoughts. They love unconditionally and always have the time for you. Dont mean to sound silly, but could look into a guinea pig? Most apartments will allow that because they are caged. They are wonderful as they love to be cuddled up close and "coo" when they are comfortable and content. It is such a relaxing sensation and they are big enough to fill the emptiness of feeling something close to you. Atleast it would be a temporary fix til things start falling into place with the docs etc. If you need to talk hun pm anytime.
  4. shadowcat

    shadowcat Well-Known Member

    We have talked about getting a ferret, which is an pet i always wanted to get myself. But we don't think the landlord will even allow a caged pet. I want to have my hubby ask if we would be allowed to have it. Just this week we talked about the possibility of trying to have kids, there are some obstacles to overcome in that pathway. Yesterday I went to get up to go to work and about passed out, I drank some orange juice and it helped a little bit. My hubby took me into the ER, and the dr told me my seizure med levels are very low and my blood pressure dropped when I stood. Both are not very good things, I have an appt with my dr tom and we are going to ask to have a pregnancy test done. Just to rule out what may be causing my blood sugar levels to drop and my blood pressure to drop. We are thinking my mood swings may be caused by my seizures and I do not know I am having one. the biggest thing right now is I am not allowed to run on ambulance calls due to my health and that irks me alot. I have walked a few blocks each day in the past two days trying to get my strength back up for the next day, which I have to go to work. I am scared they will tell me I have to stay off for another few days. I have lost half of my 40 hrs the past two days. The thing I am looking forward to is seeing my friends this weekend, but I may not be able to do much.
  5. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hello Shadow Cat,
    Part of your anxiety is probably making that big move and then your husband has to leave you alone for a while. I live with my sister, we are both divorced so it is just us. Until lately my daughter and grandaughter moved in with us. When I am left alone for a weekend I have major anxiety and I am afraid.
    I am a former Marine and a former biker. I weigh 300 lbs. and I am 6'2". To look at me you wouldn't think I am afraid of anything. According to my ex's I am just a big teddie bear.
    I isolate myself in my bedroom and don't talk very much!! I just don't do so good when left in the house by myself even though I don't talk much to my family.
    Try volunteering somewhere it will help you to make new friends, and help occupy some of your time so your mind doesn't play games with you!! Take Care!!:chopper:!!
  6. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    You have had many changes in your life this year. With a new marriage and the medical issues you are dealing with, there is extra added stress. This can effect about everything. Can you have fish if you can't have other animals? I know you can't cuddle with them but they can be soothing to watch and taking care of them can bring a sense of satisfaction. Let us know how your appointment goes. We care about you you. I am glad to hear your cats are safely under Sarahs care. She is a great friend. Even if you can't be with them in person, keep in contact with them through other venues. They can still be a support system and something familiar. You will soon make new friends, but the ones you have now are going to remain so you will just broaden your extended family.
  7. shadowcat

    shadowcat Well-Known Member

    Right now there has been some med changes on my seizure meds and I am not allowed to drive till after I see the dr on the 25th of this month. I am also not allowed to go on the ambulance till I am released by the dr, which really hurts me right now. Being I love volunteering my time on the ambulance helping others. My hubby told me to offer to help others with doing their tripsheets online, since we started a new system at the beginnning of the month. Everyone has been having a rough time with the system and I am the only one that has used the system before. It may help me some on this. I went down to a friends birthday party last weekend and had a good time that evening. This weekend we may go to see my parents and my sister, oh and also my puppy dog Sari. We have made plans for october 11th for a wedding reception to go to and for the 25th for a drawing that is a fundraiser for the EMS company that I belong to down south. Work is helping some on keeping my mind off of everything, especially since we are getting a second consumer in the house I am in this weekend. That means we will have to have two staff on at a time during the day and evening shifts. We are getting a couple new employees in our house. I am hoping to be able to have a sunday off or two to be able to got to church. I would like to slowly start out by just going for sunday scholl there and then gradually go for the service. The one morning I did go, I truly liked meeting some of the people and they seemed to be really nice. thank you guys for the encouragement, it helps to be able to talk to someone else that understands what I am going thru. I have to say I truly also miss Sarah, too.
  8. shadowcat

    shadowcat Well-Known Member

    The nights are worst for me the past few days. My seizure med levels are now stablized out, but I am afraid I may have to go on another med if the seizure med is effecting my moods. This is tearing me apart and I do not know what to do. I hate having days off, but then I hate when I do not get to spend time with my hubby. On my days off, I am so lonely and down in the dumps. Right now the only access we have to the internet is the library and I do not have a computer to work on my book I am trying to write. We have not decided on if we are going to get cable or direct tv because of the cost factor. I like living in a small little rural town, but the downside is there is not much to do. Also I have not made any friends my age right now.
  9. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Once you get used to the quiet of a small town it won't seem so bad. You like to help people so maybe check into other things you may be able to do until you can get back to the ambulance. My daughter goes to the nursing nhome and visits with the residents, or reads books to them, watches tv with them etc. They look forward to her coming. Sometimes schools may need a volunteer to help with various things with the students. i know you are already busy, but this may be another avenue to check into.
    If they need to add a med to counter the side effects of your seizure meds, don't get too upset. It may be something that is temporary until everything levels out. The important thing is to get things back under control to where you can feel good and get back to doing what you wish to do. Remember friends can come in all ages, so don't count out possible friends because of age. Take care shadowcat. You are in my thoughts. :hug:
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