hurting beyond words

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by sirena44, Dec 24, 2012.

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  1. sirena44

    sirena44 New Member

    I'm hurting right now incredibly and I feel completely alone. I don't have anyone I can cry or vent to and the one person who supposedly is there for me (mother ) and says she's the only person who cares about me says I don't get enough attention and any problem I do have is a figment of my imagination.then can't figure out why I am so hesitant to have anything to do with her. She got me a cat for Christmas a few weeks ago to help lift my depression who wont have anything to with her and now she's claimed him as his. Heaven forbid we have any difference of opinion or methods of doing anything since that's an automatic blatant fight in her mind and no convincing her otherwise. Then tonight she told me I have absolutely no choice at all but to be on the phone begging a very emotionally and verbally abusive family member I just left to take me back. What's really messed up is that I'm not some teenager, I'm an adult who has had a bad start in life (father who raised me scarred me badly emotionally so its hard to trust) and was never allowed to be around my mother until I found her just recently. It's hard for me to get excited about Christmas because we have different work schedules and I hardly see her which she says there is no excuse for. I want to improve things with her but I can't get any answer out of her other than I have to go back to the imaginary abuse the second she says go. I'm not suicidal but it's looking like an option if the abusive past is what I have to go back to. Unfortunately I don't have friends or family anywhere I can go to instead,nor much money beyond my measly 2hr/day job 5 days/week.
     
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I am sorry you feel so alone right now. It is very difficult when as an adult you find yourself starting over. Unfortunately people do not always understand the strength it takes to get us out of a bad red or abusive relationship and often even downplay how bad it might have been. As you have not had a long standing close connection with your mother it is difficult strain to bring to it. Maybe you could start looking into possible ways to get help with getting your own apartment - close enough to continue building that relationship with your mother but not directly with with her? It may be good for you esteem if the interactions were purely voluntary as opposed to no place else to go in setting. There are a lot of programs available to help you get started on your own and with a temporary refuge that you have now if it takes some time it will likely still be doable until all is arranged. If you want specifics of where to look for that let me know and i will post or pm some ideas for you to check out.

    Take Care and Be Safe

    Ben
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Oh h un hugs to you I do think also like Ben has stated perhaps having your own space hun would be better for you and take the relationship with your mother slow ok hugs
     
  4. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    hey Sirena, sorry to hear that things are bad for you.

    do you think that you might be eligible for government disability assistance? that might be a way that you could get out of the negative relationships that you have.

    and hey, you're not alone as long as you've got us here! maybe we can help!
     
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