Hurting Deeply

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by White Dove, Aug 26, 2007.

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  1. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    I feel like i am all alone...

    Why is that i feel like this??

    I kept my promise to my nieces and will get to take them this sunday ( tomorrow ) to church and back... I will leave them a little something to remember me by...

    I have gotten all things in order.. i have given my nieces many of the things i cherished in my life.. I know that they will know that i loved them because i gave them the things that meant a lot to me but i have no use for them anymore.. i wont be here to use them anymore or have a need for these things... you cant take them with you when you die...

    I have got my funeral tooken care of already , from the casket to the cover to everything even right down to the songs that will be played on the day of my death...

    Why am i still here??? I need to be dead and i will be dead soon.. its not like i have a choice.. i am serious and soon others will see just how serious i really was...

    would it matter?? no of course it wouldnt matter... so im going to church tomorrow to say goodbye to everyone , of course i will be there wednesday also but come the following sunday i will be gone.. dont believe me?? come by my house sunday and find out.. i wont be home.. i will be gone... Got everything i need now...

    So if anyone has anything they need to say to me then you had better say it to me this week cause after that you will have to wait until you die to speak with me again.. im seriouse and im going to go... Those who dont believe me? well watch and wait.. it would only be a miracle if i was to survive this attempt i have planned , only a miracle as it is fail proof and will not fail at all... Found the perfgect way to do it with instant results.

    So Mr. Dalton , you and your wife got anything you need to say to me then youd better tell me now otherwise i am gone.. no bull about it... i am speaking truthful about my attempt and will carry it out.. nothing will stop me and even if they did try to stop me theyd have a hell of a time finding me in time..

    i see no other way but to do this... Mr Dalton you and your wife want to keep me in bondage.. you want to keep me hurting.. do you like to see me hurting? well do you? cause i am hurting spiritually cant ease my mind without you willing to help me ease my mind.. i have given it over to God and he will fix it ... He knows why im doing this..

    Think im not serious?? wait till this weekend gets here.... remember i told you once before that i was going to do it.. you didnt believe me , well its just like before.... no bull about it.. i have no choice.. you helped me to make this desion... if you both had tried to help ease my mind spiritually then i couild have tried to fight it but seeing as how you just dont care for real and seeing as how my family dont care well im going.. got a good thing to do it with.. no way for me to survive it..none...

    You wanted me out of your life and you both hate me so im going out of your life for good.. no bullshit about it... i am going away.. going to say goodbye to those at church then im gone next sunday.. remember i told you i would say goodbye to you and gave elaine that last hug, well im saying goodbye again and going this time...

    think i wont do it??? great .. all the more better for me to succeed.. by the time i am found i will be well long gone... you both drove me to this.. well that plus my cancer so basically i am screwed any way around it... and i cant do anything right anyway.. everything i say or do is always wrong heck even posting this here will be tooken as wrong but thats okay it helps me to go through with it and succeed...
     
  2. dumdumgurl

    dumdumgurl Well-Known Member

    i wish i could go with you and would but my package hasn't arrived that i need to carry it out. i could use my heavy pain meds and then get oneof those knivesthat cut through boneand staband stabandstabmeall over so in bleedto death. i'd have to put a sock in my mouth so no one hears my screams of pain. i'll miss you my dove but hopefully i'll see you real soon in heaven andyou will go to heaven there is no hell the bible just tries to scare you. god is all forgiving and he knows the hell we've been through and will help us feel like we belong instead oflike hereon earth.
    godspeed whitedove
     
  3. You've be 'threatening' for a long time now. You sure you're gonna do it Sunday this time????? Wish you peace when you get "home".Not all of us have the luxury of dragging it out this long and bending some's ear the whole time...


    FAL1
     
  4. Shadowlands

    Shadowlands Official SF Hugger Staff Alumni

    I wish you well Dove. Be at peace, but hopefully so in this life. :hug:
     
  5. Beret

    Beret Staff Alumni

    Please stay strong hun,you are loved here by many :arms:
    :hug:
    with lots of love,
    Beret xxx
     
  6. RunningAway

    RunningAway Well-Known Member

    You seem to be blaming others (the Daltons) for your misery. At the end of the day it is your problem that you are suicidal and you are the only person that can pull yourself out of it. Many things happen in peoples lives, sometimes at the hands of others - but even I recognise that suicidal feelings can never be pinned down on other people and that it is unfair and moralistically wrong to do so.

    Like others here I have seen many many posts by you saying that you are leaving today. But whatever happens good luck to you and I hope that you can find peace with what you say and do to yourself and others. I hope that you do not die although I find your messages confusing to say the least.
     
  7. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    I like many others are finding it hard to know what to believe anymore, White Dove. You know hun...It's kind of like the boy who cried wolf. It really is. I also find your posts very confusing, and I'm never sure what to say to you, because most of them are repetitive and confusing. I agree with RunningAway. I don't think you should blame your problems on others, it's not fair to them, you can't blame your misery on anyone but yourself. Anyways. I wish you luck with the future, take care.
     
  8. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    well i guess thats what you would see..

    Dragging it out , did it ever accure to you that i am trying to find a reason to stay and fight????
     
  9. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    and hated by a lot more
     
  10. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member


    sorry for confusion..

    i am a totaslly worthless piece of confusion and therefore does deserve to die this time..
     
  11. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    i have no future..

    confusing, well i guess thats what you would say and others would say online here.. and boy who cried wolf , i guess thats what you would see..

    did it ever accure to you or others that every time i try to get the chance to attempt it , something always comes up and interferes with it??

    do you or others not even realize that???

    i thought this was suppose to be a support forum but no im getting accused of crying wolf , same thing as telling me im lying because i could not get the free and alone time to actually do myself in... and then when i come back here i get accused of it , of lying..

    the only way anyone is ever going to believe it wis when you learn of my death.. well it will happen..
     
  12. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    Nah, apparently I'm a stupid bitch who should have kept her mouth shut. I'm sorry I voiced my opinion. Best of luck with whatever it is you're doing with the future. Please take care.
     
  13. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member


    youre not stupid ...

    i am

    i am stupid , person who is dying this weekend and deserves every bit of it..
     
  14. RunningAway

    RunningAway Well-Known Member

    *sigh*

    If something always comes up every time you get the chance to attempt it then you 'probably' do not mean you want to. When someone really wants to suicide they don't have to go looking for enough time to do it!... The problem is - I know that if I go and look at recent new threads since I was last on here I will see another thread or post from you saying that you are going to die on Wednesday, or at the weekend. Why not just talk openly to people and get the help that you are obviously crying out for rather than keep threatening and blaming people.

    There ARE people here who will listen. Use the forum wisely and honestly and it could help you.

    :hug:


     
  15. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    well so far this week i have been called a liar , a person wanting attention , a person crying wolf , a person stealing others energy , love , care , etc and now abuise...

    no on wil, be happy if i am still here but unless i do it i am just stupid , yep , so what?? i will get saying im stupid or wanting attention just by replying here , right ?? right ?? well im going like anna did and i dont give a damn rather anyone believes it or not

    and then you ALL WILL BE HAPPY CAUSE I DID IT...

    So be happy ....
     
  16. Abacus21

    Abacus21 Staff Alumni

    No-one here will be happy if you died, as can be seen by the responses to this thread, and your other threads too.

    Try to take that on board. :hug:
     
  17. WindWalker

    WindWalker Active Member

    Runing Away, that was an excellent post!
     
  18. Any comment I could express right now would be considered flaming, would be cruel, and I'd get moderated, so I'll refrain. I will say this though - NO one here would take joy in your death - and for you to claim this is part of your HUGE probem, cancer aside...
    Ditto with Windwalker/Running Away....



    FAL1
     
    Last edited: Aug 28, 2007
  19. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    why not..claim that no one cares? there are several here who want me dead and me just letting this cancer take me is not quick enough for them,... I have pms to prove they want me dead but will not post it here online.. been told i should not do that anymore , so i just copy them and put them in my save box in my mail then delete them from here... so why put them in my save?? so i can reread them over again.. so i can listen to just how much i am hated..

    true some care but a lot hate me... I mean litterly hate me and they dont even know me... Then they will come on here and pretend they care but those that have sent me those hate mail are hiding behind colored glasses.. they pretend one thing but show something else.. kind of makes me wonder just how many people who come here hurting get more hurt by them and their pms????

    you would be glad that i died! And so would several others here...

    part of a huge problem?

    what problem might that be? tell me??? thinking people hate me and would be glad i am dead is not a problem cause i have pms that prove otherwise?? so how can that be part of a problem? tell me??

    blaming others??

    yep i do blame others and have blamed others as well as blaming myself..

    i blame others because they are pretending to be my friend.. pretending to love me.. pretending to care.. they tell me one thing then do something else.. they built up my trust into them then break that trust...etc... They cause me pain..

    blaming myself..because i am so stupid that i trust them when they say they love me.. so stupid because i believed upon them , because i let myself open up to trust and it gets broken..etc

    making threats, well when i make them i fully intend to carry them out but something always happens and i cant do it.. yea i know you will say that if i really wanted to i could do it, well i have made several attempts at time alone but something or someone always comes around... of course i could get a gun and end it which is what i may do next time...

    one thing is for sure , if i do decide to do it next time.. there will be no warning.. that is a promise i make right here , right now.. i will not tell i will just do it... would that make you all happy then????
     
  20. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    oh yes i do mean i want to do it.... when i attempted it , something interfered to stop me...

    if this is true that it is me who does not mean to then mind telling me when i made that attempt a couple years ago and had told the minister i was going to do it.. then how did i actually do it??/ that is if i was not seriously wanting too???

    mind answering that for me??

    i sent a letter to the minister and i had posted several times online i was gonna do it but they did not believe me.. its no different then now... of course i may just get me a gun and then do it.. it would be quick...etc

    as for looking for enough time to do it? you say they dont go looking for the time?? well dear you are wrong... you ever been to a suicide memorial site? do you not know that they make plans , make a time, get everything in order, etc.. dont believe me? pm me and i will give you a link to a suicide memorial site that will tell you this thinking is a wrong misconseption...


     
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