Hurting, Hopeless and Confused

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by Special-Agent-Gibbs, May 9, 2014.

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  1. Special-Agent-Gibbs

    Special-Agent-Gibbs Safety and Support SF Pro SF Supporter

    I was abused by a doctor in a mental hospital when I was 14. When it happened I fell into a denial. I told myself so many times it did not happen that I believed it. But when it was actually happening I felt so alone. Humiliated, overwhelmed, scared and above all I wished that I would just die. I had given up. For weeks after I left the mental hospital. I was depressed and I cared about nothing at all not school, not family nothing.

    I hate myself for letting this happen to me. Ugghhh I want to cut do badly right now I feel so alone, scared, confused. I am sick of suffering and being in pain. It is killing me and I have no one. :(
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am so sorry hun this happened dam him dam him YOu did NOT let anything happen ok it was NOT your fault all the blame lies to the professional hun dam him Please hun do not give the bastard any more power by harming you ok You need to talk to someone and report him you can still do this so he harms no one else If you can talk to someone you trust
    You have here you keep talking to us ok Do something that will bring kindness to you ok please no more harm to you
     
  3. Concrete_Angel

    Concrete_Angel Forum Buddy

    You shouldn't hate yourself. You didn't let this vile doctor abuse you. He is an adult you were a vulnerable child. He was abusing his power and using it to hurt you. He is sick and cruel! Of course when it was happening you would have felt so alone. You wouldn't of known who to talk to? Whether to tell anybody? Whether you'd be believed? You shouldn't be suffering like this hunny, this was HIS fault and I feel angry that he did this to you. For the self harming have you tried other alternatives like pinging an elastic band on your wrist or putting ice in the crick of your elbow?
    Have you ever seen a counsellor? Therapist? If you haven't I would extremely advise you too! You shouldn't be alone in this :hug:
    Does your family know what happened and did they support you? You could try and talk to them or somebody close to you? Your not alone, I myself was abused when I was young for a number of years so I completely understand where you are coming from. Feel free to pm me or VM me anytime! :hug:
     
  4. Special-Agent-Gibbs

    Special-Agent-Gibbs Safety and Support SF Pro SF Supporter

    I still feel like it was my fault. I should have defended myself not let it happen.

    I feel so alone and stupid. How do you trust again after being abused? BecAuse I still can't trust anyone no matter who it is. I have lost more friends because of it too.
     
  5. Concrete_Angel

    Concrete_Angel Forum Buddy

    Is there any way you could of? He was much bigger than you and stronger more powerful. I don't know how you can trust somebody after being abused again, I suppose you just have to find that special person someone who you feel won't go round shouting their mouth off, I'm sure you'll find somebody I certainly have! And well they can't be true friends if they have left you because of this! That is horrible!
     
  6. pleasedonthateme

    pleasedonthateme Active Member

    i trusted people again... after a while..
     
  7. Special-Agent-Gibbs

    Special-Agent-Gibbs Safety and Support SF Pro SF Supporter

    I often feel that I will never be able to trust another person again. I avoid people because I was abused and because I was bullied all through out High School.

    I almost ended it all my freshman year because it was that bad.
     
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